I’ve been missing for a week. I’m not very adventurous, and I had planned this one overnight camping trip to see if I could really do it. Just like trying a new restaurant for the first time. I had a sleeping bag, hammock, stove, a camping knife, first aid, and other essentials all packed up in a stretched-out hiking bag. That’s when my boyfriend Robert started his questions, something like this:
“What’s this?”
“What’s what, honey?” I looked up as I tightened the top of the bag shut, considering if the knife deep down was safe or not.
“The… the whole camping thing? Is it yours?”
“Yes, it’s for me. Don’t you remember when Sammie dropped it off?”
Robert stood with the entire back half of his body melted into the cold shadow of our living room.
“And… don’t you remember finding me those bandages?” I asked and got nothing. I continued: “Well, it’s this overnight camping I want to do.”
“Tonight?” His face went still as if I was going to scream at him.
“Yes, I am going tonight. Did you forget?”
“So when are you going?” He reset his muscles, comforting himself in the release of words. It was nice to see it for once. But I wouldn’t again.
The spot was just a well-known wild camping area near the North Pennines. Many people just know it by driving by, so it’s widely discussed. It’s usually used by hikers, but this area isn’t so popular this time of year so I knew I would be fine alone.
I’ve never felt so free, kind of like a teenager again. It felt like I could do anything. I had driven up and walked thirty minutes with the moon spying on me through the finger branches.
The trees crowded around me when I got to the spot. Dark vein wood littered the ground and echoed dryly as I cleared the ground. I set up my hammock, made a small fire pit, and drank my coffee flask while watching the stars open their eyes to me.
I studied each and every star and they began to roll and draw their burning white lines across the darkness. One of them became sharper. I couldn’t look away. I thought I saw lines and shapes inside it even. Then it blinded me like a fiery hot wave splashing over my face.
The day after, my eyelids were sore and achy, but I still managed to get up early. Then it happened.
The police knocked at my door and informed my boyfriend I was missing. They were already staring right at him as the door swung open and let in the vile wind.
“Can we come in?” Thomas led them into the kitchen where he got cups of tea ready for them. He waited for them to speak over the expanse of the unused table. I mumbled through my gasping mouth and almost tapped one of their broad shoulders before they spoke again.
“Maria hasn’t been found anywhere. We checked her office, friends’ houses, extended family, and around her last seen location.” They uncomfortably paused.
“There’s even no evidence that she was ever present at any of these locations over the past week since her disappearance.” Thomas looked away from the words and across the room. I went to speak since it obviously hadn’t been a whole week. But, I just heard my words clearly tapping through my skull, and nothing came out.
That’s when Robert looked through me. But he was grinning in thin paper cuts.
“I’m sorry we can’t be of any further help. Please let us know if you think of anything else.” They had stood up and left my boyfriend alone at the table, shutting the door slowly behind them. The hot air from the cups of tea stood beside him for a minute.
My skin stretched back across my mouth. My tongue disappeared. I could taste a little blood. “Robert, Robert, please, I am here, I am not missing, you saw me right?” were some of the things my jaw hummed out in silence.
He lifted his full body up and stood towards me, readying for something. He finally broke the frosty silence.
“So, when are you going?”
Despite my disappearance, I actually managed to get into my car and back on the road. My bag was freshly stained with green and wet with blotched mud. The open windows rushed air at me and I still smelled grass on my skin.
The path crunched back at my boots this time. Frost hid amongst the tree roots and under the rocks in the path. I felt the wind die down just like every other quiet winter we have around here. It was a different quiet from what I heard back home with Robert.
My knees were sore from attempting the fire for the tenth time. I might have burned off some wisps of finger hair, but it hadn’t singed my skin. My sweat drowned away and the ice crept up on me as the stars came out in all their shapes.
This time, the light came up to me and blinded me from behind. It burned towards me.
I then remember the sofa grabbing me, surrounding me like I was a child trapped under a thousand cushions. The dust, the sour cloth, and the hot fabric were all over me at once. My boots were never on my feet, and my toes wiggled freely. The pea colour stains of grass were never on my skin, and my pores smoothed out. The backpack was never dragging me down, deep down, and my Robert held on to my shoulders like I was falling backward.
“So when are you going?” he asks, but I’m missing.