It’s been decades since I wrote part 1. 84,202 days (230 years), to be exact.
Of course, decades for me, isn’t perceived as such for you.
It is December 14th as I write this, and I wrote Part 1 on December 13th. It was my final post from that loop, as I broke free. Now, I’m part of a longer one. This new loop doesn’t last a day - It lasts years. And it just reset again, to now.
I have died of old age twice. I have seen the world change. I have seen beauty and horror.
I have not seen the end of the loop.
What might surprise you is that you’ve all seen it before, too. I write this message every time the loop resets, which has been 10 times over the last 230 years. You have read it every time. You are as old as me, my only difference is that I retain the memories.
Think back to yesterday, and even earlier today. Have you had a little more deja vu than usual? I’ll bet if you think hard enough, you’ll realise you have. I’d be surprised if you haven’t - You went through the December 13th loop over 1,500 times, just like me. And this is your 11th journey along this second loop, the one that will last the rest of your life.
Come to mention it, that deja vu won’t be going anywhere. Your entire life has already happened 10 times, and the sense of remembering it will only get stronger with each loop, even if only slightly.
In my last post, I theorised that each midnight, I travelled to a new reality. I no longer believe that to be the case. I came to realise - If it was a new reality each time, would I not notice slight changes? Slight inconsistencies?
This was, is, and always will be, a loop in time. It was happening everywhere, to everyone, across the entire universe. I was just at the centre of it - The only being to retain my memories. December 13th was the day the universe itself struggled to escape from.
I’m not the only person at the centre of this. My daughter is, too. She, as I later found out, remembers everything from each reset, just like I do. She’s only a day old again now, relearning how to use her muscles. But it’s all in her head - Once her brain is big enough again, she’ll start to remember. The size of her brain is the only thing limiting her memory right now.
There’s something I didn’t write in my final December 13th post. I wasn’t omitting it to lie to any of you. I had just written it hundreds of times before, and the day I broke the loop happened to be one of those days where I just didn’t feel like going into detail.
Me and my wife, before she was pregnant, worked for a science company. Visiones. “Expanding the borders of what’s possible” - One of our old mottos. Or something like that, it’s been a long time.
They’re a small company, but we had heard rumours they had larger operations going on. Ones researching things beyond our comprehension. My wife and I weren’t high up in the company at all, so the classified projects were never told to us. We never believed the rumours, but I know now that we were wrong to ignore them.
One of the rumours is that they were experimenting with time. How? I have no idea. But a bunch of document titles got leaked to lower-clearance employees like myself. Some involved the fourth dimension or the multiverse, but one was to do with time. I have not been able to verify any of these claims, but I believe them, and I’ve spent the last 230 years trying to gather proof. I don’t have much so far.
The last time I was in the building was about 9 months before the first loop. My wife would have gotten pregnant just a few days after I was last in the building. I believe myself, and by extension, my daughter, are tied to the flow of time itself.
Whenever one of us die, time resets with us.
My daughter kept dying at exactly midnight during my wife’s labour. It was the very cause of the first loop. I don’t want to explain how I solved it. I don’t want to go into detail - The screams have haunted every corner of my mind. But using a knife, I was able to save my daughter. The doctors would’ve never done it the way I did it, risking the mother’s life. But I had to.
My hands still feel like there’s blood staining every layer of skin, 10 lifetimes later.
My wife doesn’t always die. Every time the loop now resets, I’m back to 00:01, December 14th. Today. Some loops she bleeds out, some the doctors get there in time. I don’t know what happened to her this time yet; I’ve learnt now to always run away as soon as I’ve done what I’ve done. The first time I did this and broke the loop, I was arrested. I don’t blame them, I seemed insane. And it was new territory - I couldn’t just prove to them I was in a loop by predicting things. December 13th was finally over. I had broken free, but opened up a whole new level of hell.
Usually, when my daughter is 3, I come out of hiding briefly to talk to her. 3 is about the age she has memories of her past life. She’s good at pretending, and keeps people off the scent of her true thoughts. It’s not until her early 20s that she can fully join me, though, as that’s when her brain is fully developed, and she knows her past lives equally as well as her current.
I thought the loops were completely over, that first morning of December 14th. Sat in custody, I heard my wife had survived. They said I must be disappointed. I told them I was relieved. They found that confusing.
I tried to end things again that day. The first reset of the second loop occurred. there I was again. Covered in blood, dialling the emergency services. This time I didn’t wait. I ran, and it’s what I’ve done every reset since.
Sometimes the loop resets because I die of old age. Sometimes me or my daughter just happen to get into an accident. Sometimes one of us purposely ends it.
They usually last a long time, though. This one probably won’t end until long after you’re gone. And then, you’ll be here again, reading this post, as if you never have before.
It could happen at any moment, but please, don’t live in fear. You won’t even remember the life you lost.
You’ll just read this post, and think, “Huh, creepy.”
For the 12th time.