Sorry for the long wait, those demons couldn’t give me a break. If you seriously don’t know my LEGENDARY Story then go here: Part 1.
I was Trapped in a cell for many days; no gold, no expensive beverages and worst of all; My 26 year old son was probably searching for me right now, my poor poor son. At a young age, he was diagnosed with Cornelia de Lange Syndrome! IT’S a HORRIBLE SICKNESS and It had been his biggest down fall in life!
Without me, he’d be alone and poor and on the streets with nobody even thinking he was human! But, enough about him. Let’s focus back onto the main star here, shall we?
After an ENTIRE hour of this grueling punishment; I was forced out of my cell and placed right in front of the man himself; Santa Claus.
He sat in a large throne of skulls in what looked like a large Colosseum filled with demons and such that laughed and cackled when I was dragged in.
“NO… IT”S YOU!!” I Screamed.
“It seems you’re a fan”. He Snickered, rolling his eyes.
“SANTA HOW DARE YOU TRAP ME HERE YOU LITTLE-“ I was cut off by tons of laughter and his glaring eyes.
“Are you a fool? I am SATAN, Not SANTA. And Who are you calling little!? I’m ATLEAST ten times your size, Old Lady”! He boomed.
“Santa I don’t want to smell that breath of yours right now so here’s the deal; you let me out of your little man-cave and I won’t get your manager to sue you”. I said confidently.
“You’re…joking, right”? He asked, completely starstruck that someone could be so Intelligent.
“Hurry up, I don’t have all day”. I said impatiently.
As all the nearby demons laughed, Santa quickly silenced them and then turned to me.
“I ain’t your friend, lady, and I’m not gonna make some petty deal with you unless it involves your SOUL. So, think twice before how you respond or i’m gonna get tired of being nice”. He screeched, hatred flickering in his eyes… but I didn’t care. Santa could be as mad as he wanted.
“3…” I said.
He sternly watched me.
“2…” I said, raising my voice.
The other demons leaned close, anticipating something to happen.
“Don’t make me get to one” I said, my voice almost reaching its maximum sound of agitation.
He started laughing and so did the rest of the demons. He started laughing So hard that he kneel over laughing at what he thought was my stupidity… And then I made a run for it.
I quickly ran to the guards and grabbed my bag that was near one of their feet and as they went to grab me, I sprayed them with my Salt Spray Deluxe Edition. They quickly sizzled to ash and I immediately ran out of the coliseum before Satan could get his bearings.
That Fool thought I was some idiot, He got played by the oldest trick in the book; Act stupid and get what you want. If he had a manager, he’d be fired on the spot.
I ran into a field of what I assumed to be corn but the corn seemed to resemble human hearts. It didn’t phase me as I had already been here before and I hid in the field of human hearts until Satan and his platoon of guards passed.
I sneakily made my way back into the coliseum and with great haste, I ran to his throne and sat down before anyone inside could notice.
To anyone uneducated, this would seem like a stupid move but for those aware; This was checkmate.
Long ago, when Satan came to rule the underworld; A heroic Magician decided to curse Satan’s throne so that any human that sat on it, would be transported back to the real world.
Honestly, why do you think Satan sits on his throne so much?
A red aura surrounded me and I heard many screeches and demons charged towards me from all sides but it was futile.
As I started to fade away, I stuck out my tongue and made a rude gesture to the demons and screamed;
“THIS IS WHY YOU ALL NEED GUNS, YOU CAN”T STAY IN SHAPE”!!!
And as the demons closed in, I faded away and quickly was teleported to the front door of my house. I quickly got my keys from my bag and made my way inside my home.
It was a very tiring weekend and I was not hoping to have to deal with that again, anytime soon but I knew duty called.
I still had to figure out what happened to that mall and I needed to report this incident to the DCI; Demon Control Institute. I decided to take a quick nap first though, being a Karen and a Demon Hunter is already enough work.
And now, It’s time for me… To take a quick nap- Or so I thought.
I was quietly drifting off to sleep when I heard a loud knocking at my door. Bewildered, I got up and quickly rushed to the window next to my door to see someone putting boxes on my porch.
You may think this was normal but I never ordered anything so i knew something was afoot. I quickly rushed outside and began my tirade.
“HOW DARE YOU”!!! I Screech.
“W-What!? Ma’am what’s wro-“ The young man went to say but I was not playing around this time.
“I DON’T WANT YOUR FILTHY BLOOD MONEY, TAKE THIS TRASH AND GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE”!! I yelled at him.
“But you ordered-“ He was cut off again.
“NO. NO EXCEPTIONS, I WANT THIS STUFF OFF MY PORCH NOW”!!! I Yelled with such fury that he couldn’t help himself from shedding a tear.
I looked at him angrily as he quietly picked up the boxes and placed them next door and knocked on the door. The man next door quickly opened his front door and took the packages.
As the young man left, I wondered if those really were my boxes when the house next door started to look a bit funny. I looked closer and to my horror, the place looked like some rip-off version now, almost like what had happened to the mall.
I slammed my door shut and watched the house from the window near my sofa.
I knew something like this would happen… I can’t even take a nap and now I’m just gonna have to post this
With haste, I typed this out and posted it after realizing an hour in Hell was almost 14 days. I’ll hopefully not get trapped in hell again or you won’t get to hear about my perfect life and my ruined sleep schedule.