Do y’all remember playing “Light as a Feather” when you were at a sleepover? It was quite popular when I was a kid.
For those who are unfamiliar, it works like this. One person is the Feather, and lies down face-up on the floor, and the rest of the group surrounds them. Each person in the circle places two fingers from each hand underneath the Feather, and the person at the head (The Spirit Master) starts chanting. The wording must follow a specific pattern; the Feather is sick or injured, getting worse, dying, and finally dead, with everyone else chanting each section after the Spirit Master speaks it.
The goal is to get enough help from the Spirit World to be able to lift the person in the air towards Heaven, with each person only using his or her fingers and a light touch. Sometimes it worked, other times it did not; we believed Spirits were helping us when it worked, and that no Spirits were around to help when it failed.
The last time I played was fifty years ago; this is the first & last time I will ever write about the events of that last summer with my friends.
**/*
I was fifteen and ’72 promised to be the best summer ever. Beck had been my best friend since we were nine and I was going to spend the summer with her. Both our mothers worked a lot and this way we would be together and keep each other company. My mother and I did not have a good relationship, and I’m sure she was happy to have me away for the whole summer; not nearly as happy as I was, though. Beck’s mom Dee dated a lot, so we would also have the place to ourselves most evenings, and I couldn’t wait for Beck and I to have so much freedom. There were two girls our age who lived close by, Lycia and Robin. We weren’t really friends because they bullied us when we were younger but they still hung out with us sometimes. Our usual friend group consisted of Beck, me, John, Kama and Travis. Beck and I were both in the throes of first love; she with Kama and me with John.
Our afternoons were spent at the pool, and every evening we would all gather at Beck’s if Dee was out. Sometimes John got his older brother to buy us beer and every once in a while Travis had a joint to smoke. We played games that Beck had, our favorite was Twister, and we laughed until our stomachs hurt. Of course, we also played Truth or Dare & Spin the Bottle, but it irritated me how the bottle always managed to land on John when Beck was spinning it.
One night a few weeks into summer, we were all bored and looking for something else to do. I suddenly remembered Light as a Feather. As soon as I mentioned it, Beck started clapping and laughing and said, ”Yes! We have to do it!”
There was nothing like Beck’s laugh, and damn, I miss hearing it every day.
We explained it and the boys were all in. Lycia and Robin pretended to be scared before agreeing, and Beck and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
Beck wanted to be the first Spirit Master, and we drew straws for who would be the first Feather. Lycia drew the short straw and after whining for a while laid down on the floor. She batted her eyes at Kama and asked him if he would make sure she didn’t fall. I don’t think Kama even heard her, but Beck did. I could see the anger in her eyes.
We took our places around Lycia; Beck was at her head, John and I on her left side, Robin and Travis on her right side & Kama at her feet. As Kama made jokes about her feet smelling bad, we all placed our fingers underneath her. Beck started her chant, with us repeating it after her.
“She is sick”
“She is getting sicker”
“Her hair is falling out”
“She is dying”
“She is dead”
“She is as light as a feather, stiff as a board”
We all continued to repeat the last chant as Beck counted to three for us to lift. I was trying to stifle a laugh at the part about her hair, Lycia was so vain about hers and I knew Beck had thrown it in as payback for her flirting with Kama.
We were only able to lift her a few inches off the floor. The boys were booing, and Beck said that it was because the Spirits weren’t here to help us. Travis looked excited, said he had an idea and dashed out of the apartment. He was back in a few minutes with a Ouija Board. “If we need spirits, maybe we need to invite them first!” He grinned at his idea.
Beck and I gathered candles and lit them to set the scene. Travis put the board on the floor and had us all place a finger on the planchette. After moving it to the center of the Board, Travis said in a booming voice, “Are there any spirits here? Please make yourself known!”
Everyone burst out laughing. Travis hushed us with a serious look and repeated his question louder this time.
“Are there any spirits here? Please make yourself known!”
The planchette began to move so abruptly that we all gasped. It moved rapidly from letter to letter and we couldn’t keep up. Finally it slowed down so we were able to call out the letters and hope we could remember enough to put it together.
The first word was “TERESA”. My real first name that no one ever used, I had always been Resa. I felt a shudder pass through me.
“TERESA WILL BE OUR SCRIBE - SAY GOODBYE TO THE BOARD - GET PAPER AND PEN TO WRITE DOWN OUR WORDS SO ALL WILL UNDERSTAND”
Say goodbye to the Board? I had no idea how so I just used their words and said “Goodbye Board”, and went to find paper and a pen. Everyone was in the same position when I returned, and the planchette started to move almost immediately.
“EVERYONE MUST PLAY - TERESA WILL BE OUR SCRIBE UNTIL HER TURN – SAY GOODBYE TO THE BOARD AND BEGIN”
We all resumed our places around Lycia after everyone said goodbye to the board just as I had, and Beck repeated the same chant. When it came time to lift, we lifted her as if she had no weight at all; she was so high in the air that she was balanced on our fingertips. We all gasped in awe.
Suddenly Lycia started gagging, and we lowered her to the floor. She ran to the bathroom and we could hear her throwing up. She still looked sick when she came back, and Robin said she was taking her home.
The board had been pushed off to the side, and suddenly the planchette started making wild circles on the board. I grabbed the paper and started writing the letters down as quickly as I could until I had them all.
I checked it over and over, and the answer was always the same. Terrified, I turned the paper so that everyone could read it.
“EVERYONE MUST TAKE THEIR TURN AS BOTH FEATHER AND MASTER - ALL WHO DO NOT WILL DIE”
The boys started talking at once, trying to guess how the planchette was moving with no one touching it. Robin was comforting Lycia, who was now sobbing. Beck and I just looked at each other, and I could tell she was as spooked as I was. Poor Trav was taking most of the blame since he had brought the board over, and the consensus was that he had to know what was going on, despite his fervent denials.
Once everyone calmed down, John said,” So what are we going to do? Are we going to do what they say?”
Pandemonium erupted again. Robin said there was no way she was going to do it, while Lycia couldn’t stop crying long enough to say anything. John, Travis and Kama all wanted to keep playing to see what would happen next. Beck and I were afraid, but we also wanted to play. We thought we might be able to figure out what was going on if we played again. If I’m being honest, I think it was mostly because we didn’t want to look like cowards in front of the boys.
Robin would not change her mind, and she left with Lycia, muttering that we were all idiots. We let them go, what else could we do? The raging thunderstorm outside hadn’t deterred them, and we knew they weren’t going to listen to us, or to the Board, for that matter.
Once they left, we drew straws for both Spirit Master and Feather; longer straws are the Master, and short ones are the Feather.
John became the Spirit Master and Beck was the Feather.
We moved the Board off to the side and settled down around her; John at her head, Kama at her feet, Travis on her left and me on her right. Before we could begin, the planchette started moving on its own again and I quickly grabbed the notebook.
“YOU MUST USE OUR CHANTS FOR EACH PERSON”
This seemed like a dangerous instruction to follow, and we kept arguing about it until the Board shut down our discussion.
“DO IT OUR WAY OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES”
It scared us enough that we shut up and decided to just hurry and get it over with. John put his fingers underneath Beck’s head, and waited for the Spirits input. The planchette did not disappoint as it started moving around the board, spelling out the chant it wanted used. I wrote down the chant, and then read it aloud.
“SHE IS BREATHING IN SMOKE”
“SHE IS RUNNING OUT OF AIR”
“SHE IS BURNING”
“SHE IS DYING”
“SHE IS DEAD”
“SHE IS AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD”
We had never said anything remotely like this when playing. I tried to talk them out of doing this, but even Beck was willing so I gave up. I put the notebook down where John could see it and slipped my fingers underneath Beck’s side. John repeated the words given to him.
Even though there were less of us, we raised her high, so high that our fingertips were no longer touching her. We looked at each other, wondering how this was possible. All of a sudden Beck started coughing and gasping and I knew she was having an asthma attack. She dropped to the floor so fast that we were unable to catch her. I ran to get her inhaler and thankfully, she was soon breathing easier.
Next up was Kama as the Master, and John was the Feather. Kama started as soon as the Board told him what to say.
“HE IS BREATHING IN WATER”
“HE IS DROWNING”
“HE IS UNCONSCIOUS”
“HE IS DYING”
“HE IS DEAD”
“HE IS AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD”
We lifted him high like we had Beck, and we were instantly showered with water John was throwing up. It was a deluge, and it didn’t stop until we lowered him back to the floor.
We were afraid to continue, but more afraid not to.
Next up was me as the Spirit Master and Travis was the Feather.
“HE IS BITTEN”
“HE IS SCREAMING”
“HE IS DROWNING”
“HE IS DYING”
“HE IS DEAD”
“HE IS AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD”
After the chant, Travis started to grimace. We were able to lift and lower him, and he showed no ill effects, with the exception of red welts on his face and arms that quickly faded. He told us that the welts had felt like his face was on fire.
Travis was the Master next, and Kama the Feather.
“HE IS FALLING”
“HE IS LOSING HIS GRIP”
“HE IS UNABLE TO HOLD ON”
“HE IS DYING”
“HE IS DEAD”
“HE IS AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD”
Kama was lifted as high as the others were, and we lowered him quickly when he cried out from pain in his chest. He had a red mark in the center of his chest and another on his back that wasn’t there when we raised him; like Travis’s welts, it disappeared quickly.
Beck offered to be the Master again because we were one person short. This time I was the Feather.
“SHE IS LOCKED IN A BOX”
“SHE IS BURIED”
“SHE IS SUFFOCATING”
“SHE IS DYING”
“SHE IS DEAD”
“SHE IS AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD”
I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I was gasping but couldn’t get any air, and they quickly brought me down. I laid there until I could finally catch my breath.
We weren’t sure what to do next, and spent several minutes discussing it. We finally decided to ask the Spirits if we were finished for the night, and after a short pause they answered.
“YOU HAVE DONE WELL THIS EVENING - YOU DID EVERYTHING WE ASKED OF YOU”
I paused before reading the next part.
“YOUR CHANTS DID NOT COME FROM US BUT FROM THE DARKNESS IN ONE OF YOUR HEARTS - YOUR ANGER IS NOW ON DISPLAY FOR ALL TO SEE - YOU WILL NOW WATCH YOUR FRIENDS DIE”
Before we could react, we heard sirens. We ran to the window to see what was happening, but we couldn’t see much through the downpour. It looked like all the action was in the next parking lot over. Quickly losing interest, we sat back down to talk about what had happened. We needed to see if we could figure out who - or what – had written those chants.
Were the Spirits just fucking with us? Or did one of us harbor these dark thoughts against people who considered them a friend?
No one would admit to being mad at anyone. I knew this was bullshit, but kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t about to confess who my anger was for and I assumed that no one else was, either. I could see that everyone was looking at each other with distrust, and I thought that we needed each other if we were going to survive this.
I sat down on the edge of the coffee table so I could see everyone. “Friends get mad at each other, we have all been mad at one time or another. I think it’s going to be impossible to figure out who this anger is coming from.” I began to plead with them. “Guys, I think that our only chance is to stick together, especially since we have no idea if the Board is even telling the truth.”
Beck immediately agreed and reached out to hold my hand, and the boys followed suit. We clung to each other, with fear in our eyes but hope in our hearts that we could beat this.
It was almost midnight, and Dee could be home at any time. We agreed to meet up first thing in the morning and the boys headed for John’s.
Once we were alone, we realized that Travis had left the Board behind. Beck picked it up and we went to her room. She carefully examined it and the planchette from every angle then put it down angrily.
“I was so sure that somehow the guys were messing with us, like it was some kind of magic trick.” Beck twisted a strand of her curly blonde hair, a nervous tic she had always had. “But there is nothing to it. It’s just a board and this stupid pointer, no hidden wires or anything. Resa, you don’t think this could be real, do you? We’ve played Light as a Feather so many times, and nothing like this has ever happened.”
“We played Light as a Feather, but we never used a Ouija Board with it. I think that changed things.”
We both looked over at the Board, and I shoved it under the bed so we didn’t have to see it anymore.
“Beck, do you think that what the Board said is true? Could all of these terrible things come from one of us?”
A look passed over Beck’s face so quickly that I almost missed it. It looked like guilt.
She refused to meet my gaze and snapped at me. “I don’t know, why are you asking me?”
“Well, were you mad at Lycia? You’re the only one who got to make up your own chant. I wonder why?”
Beck shook her head angrily. “Of course I’m not mad at her, and I went first before we used the damn Board so I had to make up my own. What about you? You hate Lycia more than I do.” Beck glared at me. I’d never seen her look that way at me before, and it crossed my mind that I was the one she was angry with. I dismissed it immediately; Beck was my best friend.
“I’m sorry, Beck, I’m not trying to accuse you, I’m just trying to figure things out. And I don’t hate Lycia, I just don’t like her…a lot.”
Beck laughed as I hoped she would. “I know, Resa, I’m sorry. I’m just scared.”
“I’m scared, too, Beck. But it’s going to be okay. It has to be.” I wrapped my arms around her, and we sat like that until we could finally fall asleep.
**/*
Dee was crying when she woke us up the next morning. “Girls, I’m so sorry, but I have bad news. Last night Robin was struck by lightning. She didn’t make it. Lycia was with her and is in the hospital, but she should be okay.”
She wrapped us in a hug and we all cried together for a few minutes. She offered to skip work, but we told her she should go, and that we were okay; she finally agreed.
After Dee left the room, Beck and I looked at each other in shock.
“Did we do this? Did we kill her by playing those stupid games last night? Why did you even suggest that?” Beck was practically screaming, and I shushed her so that Dee wouldn’t hear.
“No, we did not do this. This is awful, but it is not our fault. I don’t know why I suggested it, it just popped into my head. Robin left after being told not to by the Board. We tried to get her to stay, but she wouldn’t.”
“Since when is leaving a party to take care of a friend a death sentence? What’s wrong with you?”
“Beck, there is nothing wrong with me! We had no idea what was going to happen. This shit never happened before when we played before, and if was because of us it would have, right? This is the Board’s doing, and there is no way we could have known what would happen!”
Beck pulled away from me and went into the bathroom where I could still hear her crying. It hurt that she seemed to be blaming me for everything.
**/*
The guys came over the minute that Dee left for work. None of them looked like they’d slept much, and I could picture the bags under my own eyes.
Beck ran to Kama and started crying again as he held her. John settled on the couch and put his arm around me. Travis grabbed a seat across from us.
I took a deep breath once Beck and Kama sat down. “Did y’all hear about Robin?”
They looked confused and Kama said,” No. What about Robin?”
I told them what we knew about both Robin and Lycia. For the first time they looked as scared as Beck and I.
We decided that we needed to go see Lycia. It wasn’t a long walk, but I was relieved to reach the air- conditioned hospital. We got her room number at the info desk, and made our way to the fourth floor. She started crying as soon as she saw us.
“Why did you all have to play that stupid game last night? Robin and I told you we were scared but you made us play anyway!”
“I’m so sorry, Lycia. I brought over the Board. I didn’t mean anything by it and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt!” Trav looked devastated.
I broke in as this was getting us nowhere. “Guys, playing the blame game isn’t going to help. No one had a gun to their head forcing them to play, and if the Board killed Robin, Travis had no idea that would happen, none of us did.” I turned to Lycia and softened my voice. “Are you okay? What happened last night?”
Tears streamed down her face as she answered. “After we left, I was still sick so Robin was helping me walk. The rain was hitting us in the face and we couldn’t see anything. I fell and hit my head, and that’s when it happened. Robin was reaching out to me and a bolt of lightning struck her just before she touched me. If she had been holding on to me, we…we would both have died. And now Robin is gone.” Lycia started to sob loudly and a nurse came in and asked us to leave. On our way out, we saw a Dr. talking to Lycia’s parents, and they both were crying.
**/*
We walked back home discussing what we had learned. Robin had played the game, but quit before she could be the Feather or the Master. Could the Board have actually killed her for that? We convinced ourselves that was impossible.
The walk home went much more quickly than the walk down, I think it had been good for all of us to see that Lycia was all right. She hadn’t been the Master and if she was still alive, then maybe all of us who followed the rules would be okay as well. We didn’t give much thought to her parents crying, we figured they were crying happy tears; parents are strange that way.
We stopped at the 7-Eleven a couple of blocks from the complex, and played pinball until we were out of money. I think we needed a dose of normalcy.
We were all in a better mood when we got back to Beck’s, and we could hear the phone ringing as she unlocked the door. She ran to answer it while the rest of us went into the kitchen for something to drink. We were joking around when Beck joined us, but our laughter died with one look at her tear stained cheeks.
“That was Lycia, and she has brain cancer, they found it when they ran tests on her head because of her fall. It’s too big for an operation so she is going to have chemo, but it doesn’t look good.” Beck sat down on the floor and cried with her face in her hands.
You could have heard a pin drop as we all processed this. Suddenly something occurred to me. I ran and grabbed the notebook, glad I had added Beck’s curse for Lycia the night before.
When I read it aloud, the others looked as shocked as I felt.
“SHE IS SICK”
“SHE IS GETTING SICKER”
“HER HAIR IS FALLING OUT”
“SHE IS DYING”
“SHE IS DEAD”
We all sat there and looked at each other after I read it, and no one said a word.
John broke the silence. “Doesn’t chemo usually make someone’s hair fall out?”
Beck started crying even harder and Kama was trying to comfort her. He looked at John. “Man, that’s enough, leave her alone. She didn’t mean it.”
Before John could answer, I jumped in.
“Guys, are we all really thinking that the Board has something to do with this? That it struck Robin with lightning and gave Lycia cancer?”
Everyone averted their eyes and kept their feelings to themselves, until finally Travis spoke up.
“I don’t want to believe it’s connected; after all, I brought the fucking Board over here so that would make this my fault. But we have to consider that this is what’s happening; that every curse will happen to one of us.”
He paused and looked around. “And if the Board is to be believed, one of us is doing this because they hate us enough to kill us.”
As I looked at each of them, I wondered if I really knew any of them at all.
I pushed those doubts to the back of my mind. The Board has to be behind this. I know these people; they’re my closest friends; I can’t believe anyone in our group could hate the others enough to kill them. It has to be the Board. Either way, what have we started here? And can we stop it?
**/*
We decided we weren’t going to think about it. At fifteen, if you don’t think about something bad then it isn’t happening. Stupid, I know.
We decided to go swimming, but I made John promise that he wouldn’t go in the deep end, and no diving. He argued but finally agreed, and I was thrilled because the curse he got when he was the Feather kept replaying repeatedly in my mind:
“HE IS BREATHING IN WATER”
“HE IS DROWNING”
“HE IS UNCONSCIOUS”
“HE IS DYING”
“HE IS DEAD”
I just couldn’t lose him, I loved every inch of him with all of the passion that first love brings. From his sun streaked hair, to his Dentyne smile, to his baby blue Birdwells. And his laugh. He laughed with complete abandon, and you couldn’t help but laugh with him. He was kind and sweet, and he was mine.
I needed to make sure it didn’t happen, and I decided that I wouldn’t leave his side so I could keep him away from the deep end. How could it happen if I was right there?
John and I stayed in the shallow end while everybody else did their thing, we splashed each other and did some cuddling. It seemed that everyone else was also starting to relax and our fears seemed so far away. I could see that not being able to dive was driving John crazy. He had been working on a new dive for a couple of weeks, a reverse 3 and a half somersaults before hitting the water. He stayed by me because he saw how scared I was. I hated that I was keeping him from something he wanted to do, but he was safe. That was all that mattered.
The one thing I hadn’t thought about was what would happen if I had to pee. I needed to go inside to the bathroom, and I held it as long as I could. Finally I told John I’d be right back, and I begged him to stay in the shallow end. He promised me he’d stay put, and I prayed he meant it.
I finished in record time, and ran back to the pool where I saw John on the diving board. He was on his tiptoes just starting his run towards the end of the board – and the water. Just as he dived I screamed,” John, no!”, and we all watched where he had entered the water, waiting for him to surface. He didn’t.
Just as I jumped into the water, his head popped up, Thank God, he was safe!
I felt like an idiot but I didn’t care. This was great news! John didn’t drown, and I wondered if this meant that all the other curses meant nothing as well. Robin and Lycia could definitely be a coincidence and have nothing to do with the Board. I felt so much better.
He laughed as he shook water off his longish wavy hair. “See Resa? I’m fine! And I wasn’t even next anyway, we should be watching out for Beck.” He grinned as he looked at us. “I don’t think anything is going on, but Beck, better watch your back in case I’m wrong.”
Beck laughed and splashed him. “If it’s me I’ll haunt you from my grave, Jerk.”
John put his hands in the air and said,” I take it back! Don’t haunt me!” Beck splashed him again as he turned and dove under the water out of reach, and swam across the pool.
Beck was still trying to stifle giggles. “Seriously, how does he make me laugh even when he isn’t funny?”
“We laugh because his worst jokes are usually told when we most need to hear a joke, I think.” I smiled as I watched him swim back towards us. “And did we ever need to hear a joke now. That one really sucked, though.”
Beck had just taken a drink from her Coke and spit it everywhere and we laughed so hard that tears ran down our faces. That felt so good, and we both needed it.
**/*
After we finished swimming, the boys went to John’s to shower and Beck and I headed to her apartment. She showered first, and man, that girl could take a long one! After an hour, it was finally my turn, and I had to wait a while for the water to heat up again.
I had just rinsed the conditioner out of my hair when I heard Beck screaming.
I tripped trying to get out of the shower, and then grabbed a towel to wrap around me. I opened the door and ran toward the living room where I saw Travis and Kama, their faces drained of color.
I couldn’t see John anywhere.
“What’s going on? Where is John?” I was shouting but didn’t care. Where was he?
Beck ran over to me, and grabbed me in a tight hug as she cried. “What’s wrong?” I pushed her away and screamed,” Where is John?”
Beck was still crying, so Travis stepped in.
“Resa, he was taking a shower. When he didn’t come out and wouldn’t answer us we called the operator and said we need help. When the firemen got here they broke down the door.” Travis struggled to go on.
“John fell and hit his head, and there was a blockage in the pipes so the tub didn’t drain right. He drowned. In three fucking inches of water.”