[Trigger Warning] (“Child Abuse”)
The next couple of days were a blur. First was Robin’s funeral, and the next day was John’s. Lycia was still in the hospital and couldn’t be there for either one. She had slipped into a coma, and wasn’t expected to awaken from it.
Robin’s casket was closed, and we were grateful as we took our place in line and laid a rose on the coffin, including one from Lycia. We knew she would want that.
Her funeral was hard, but nothing like John’s, most likely because we were all so much closer to him.
John’s casket was open, and I was shocked. I had been sure it would be closed just as Robin’s had been. Hers was the first funeral I’d ever been to and I assumed that caskets were always closed.
While some people were taking their seats, others were lining up to go to see him one last time. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the courage to see him, to see that face that would never smile again, his arms that would never hold me again, his lips that could no longer form words. Count me out.
I saw an empty row ahead and took a seat there and my friends joined me. Are they all really my friends though? I pushed that thought away.
John’s brother gave the eulogy as Beck and I sobbed and Kama and Travis tried to hold themselves together. After the service ended, more people headed to the coffin to pay their last respects. Beck offered to put my rose on when she added hers, but I didn’t want that; I should be the one to do it.
I had a red rose, just like the one John had given me on our first date. I closed my eyes and tried to keep that memory in my mind as I neared the coffin.
I finally got the courage to open my eyes, and there was my John. He looked ready to wake at any moment and I desperately wondered if there had been a mistake. I reached out and touched him, and he was so cold. No, there was no mistake; he was truly gone. I leaned over and whispered through my tears that I would always love him, and carefully placed my rose beside his hand.
**/*
Travis’s mom brought us home from the funeral, and dropped us at the edge of the apartment complex. We all wanted to change clothes, so Beck and I headed to her place, Travis and Kama to theirs. They were going to come over as soon as they changed clothes. They lived next door to each other, only a block away from Beck’s, and were going to walk over together in case the “safety in numbers” thing would help protect them.
I went to bed, wanting nothing more than to stop the pain, at least for a little while. After Kama & Travis got there, Beck brought them back to the bedroom.
Travis sat down next to me and put a comforting hand on my back. “Resa, we need you to stay awake and help us. Please.”
I flinched away from his touch. “Leave me alone! John is dead, and nothing we do is going to save any of us.” I glared at him. “Were you helping while John drowned in the fucking bathtub?” He jerked as if I’d slapped him. “That’s what I thought. How dare you ask for my help now, on the day we buried him?”
Travis jumped up, and there were tears streaming down his face. “We tried, Resa. We did everything we could. How do you think I feel, knowing that I stood there while my best friend drowned only a few feet away?” Travis took off his glasses and used his shirt to wipe his tears.
I knew how much I had hurt him, and I felt terrible and I wanted to punch myself. Why did I take this out on him? Travis’s heart was huge and he could never hurt anyone or anything. Hell, we all teased him about the injured animals he was always rescuing and nursing back to health. He had half his basement set up with aquariums to house the injured reptiles and amphibians that he finds, nurses back to health and then releases. It wasn’t his fault, and I was being an asshole for no reason.
I got up, wrapped him in a hug and apologized through my tears. “Trav, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that and I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me, I am so sorry!”
Travis hugged me back and tearfully gave me his forgiveness as Beck & Kama joined us. We stood in that group hug for a long time and just cried together.
**/*
Our faces were red and swollen, but the crying together had been cathartic. It also reminded us that we are in this together; bonded by our love for each other, bonded in grief, bonded by fear.
We sat together in the living room, and I chose the rocking chair so I wouldn’t reach for John, who should have been beside me on the couch. The chair itself also had memories of John. A few weeks before he was rocking too hard and broke it, and we used glue to put it back together so Dee wouldn’t notice. We had all laughed so hard at the look on his face when he hit the floor.
God, that all seemed so long ago now; back when we were kids.
Travis spoke first.
“I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and may have an answer on what we need to do.” He looked around at each of us.” I don’t think you’re going to like it, though.”
Kama started shaking his head no. “If your big idea is to use that damn Board again, I’m not doing it. Fuck that.”
Beck was against it too, but I wondered if the Board may be able to give us answers that would save our lives.
Fuck it, it’s my life too. “Travis, I vote yes. The Board is where this started, and we may need to use it to end this before any of the rest of us dies.”
After much arguing Kama and Beck eventually agreed, so I went to get the Board and candles. I didn’t know if that would make a difference but thought we should have everything set up the same way, just in case.
We reluctantly took our places around the board, and placed our fingers on the planchette. There were so many less fingers than the last time we did this and I choked back a sob.
Kama had agreed to do this, but only if he was the one to talk to the Board. The fact that no one argued told me no one else wanted to do it either. I knew I didn’t want to do it.
I didn’t even want to touch it, there was something in the warmth emanating from the planchette that felt predatory. I could hear soft whispers when my fingers were on it, but no matter how hard I listened, I couldn’t make out any words. I didn’t mention it, and no one else did either; perhaps because we were each afraid to say it out loud? What if only one of us was hearing it? I sure didn’t want to put myself out there just in case I was the only one.
Kama was calm as he stared at the Board, and he took a breath and began.
“Are the Spirits who were here the other night here tonight? Please help us.”
We stared as one at the planchette, some of us hoping it would move and others praying it wouldn’t. The prayers won, it didn’t move at all.
Kama cleared his throat then raised his voice.
“Are the Spirits we spoke to the other night with us tonight? We need you and we’ll give you whatever you want if you save us!”
Travis yelled, ”Kama, what the fuck are you saying?” He tried to stand but he couldn’t remove his fingers from the planchette as it spun wildly around the Board. None of us could. Once we had given up on freeing ourselves from the planchette, it slowed down and came to a stop on “Yes” in the left hand corner.
As soon as Travis settled back in, the planchette started to move again.
“WE ARE HERE - TERESA BE OUR SCRIBE”
I was thrilled! I wouldn’t have to touch the planchette if I was writing.
Travis reminded me to say goodbye to the board and as soon as I did, my fingers were free. I jerked them away and they were beet red; they stung like a sunburn. I grabbed the notebook and sat it on my knee so I wouldn’t have to hold it. The pen made my sore fingertips ache, but I took my place to do what I was told. At least I didn’t have to be as close to the Board.
As soon as I was ready to write, the planchette began to move.
“WHY DO YOU SUMMON US AGAIN”
Kama shouted his answer. “Tell us how to stop this! We want to live!”
The planchette meandered slowly around the board to each letter as if it had all the time in the world to answer*.*
“THE ONLY WAY TO END THIS IS TO FIND THE ONE WHOSE HATRED SET THIS IN MOTION - THEY ARE STILL WITH YOU - AS LONG AS THEY LIVE YOUR FATES ARE SEALED UNLESS YOU FIND ENOUGH HATRED IN YOUR OWN HEART TO STOP THEM”
Beck asked a question softly, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted an answer.
“Who is it? Who is the one with hate in their heart?”
The planchette hesitated, then moved again.
“THAT WE WILL NOT SHARE - YOU MUST DISCOVER THAT YOURSELVES”
Travis spoke up. “How do we do that? Can you at least give us a hint?”
The planchette remained motionless for several minutes and we feared we had lost the connection. Finally, the Board responded.
“KAMA SAID YOU WOULD EACH GIVE US ANYTHING TO BE SAVED - EACH PERSON WHO AGREES TO GIVE US WHAT WE ASK FOR WILL RECEIVE A CLUE THAT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE - OR A CLUE TO WHO THE TRAITOR IS”
Travis again spoke up. “What are you going to ask for? How can we agree if we don’t know what you want?”
“EACH OF YOU WILL ASK PRIVATELY AND WILL BE TOLD WHAT WE DESIRE - THE CHOICE TO ACCEPT WILL THEN BE UP TO YOU - IT IS ALSO YOUR CHOICE IF YOU WISH TO SHARE WITH THE OTHERS BUT ONLY ONCE EVERYONE HAS ASKED”
After I read it aloud, I could see in everyone’s eyes that they were trying to figure out what they were willing to give up in order to save themselves.
What would I give up to save myself? More importantly, what would I give up to find out which of my four friends was the traitor who had killed John?
I’ll give up anything, I thought to myself*. Anything.*
**/*
We looked at each other, wondering who would go first and then Travis volunteered. I handed him the notebook and pen, and the rest of us went to Beck’s bedroom to wait for our turn.
We could hear Travis speaking, but couldn’t make out the words. Beck grabbed the glass from her bathroom and tried listening through the door, which made Kama and I laugh despite the circumstances.
Travis rejoined us after a few minutes and his face was pale, which wasn’t encouraging. Perhaps the Board would only allow us to share with each other once we had all taken a turn because no one else would take our turn if we knew what was coming?
No one volunteered to go next, so Travis wrote out numbers from 2-4, folded them and placed them in a bowl for us to draw from.
Beck drew the paper with 2 written on it, and she hesitantly left the room. We listened to see if we could make out anything that was being said, but we couldn’t hear anything at all this time. She came back into the bedroom in tears and sat down on the floor with her head in her hands as she quietly sobbed.
Kama’s number was up next, and we could hear him shouting after he’d been gone for a few minutes, but we still couldn’t understand what he was saying. He came back in and didn’t speak to anyone, he just sat down next to Beck and wrapped his arms around her.
Must be nice to still have someone to hold you. I was suddenly enraged; at the Board, and at them. I knew it was unreasonable to be mad at Beck and Kama but that didn’t lessen the anger burning in my gut.
It was finally my turn and I let the anger propel me out of the room and down the hall to the living room.
I first looked at the notebook, but each person had torn their sheet out of it and apparently taken it with them. I quietly checked the kitchen trash, hoping at least one person had thrown theirs away, but no such luck. Dammit. I wanted to know what they were asked to give up.
I sat down next to the Board, and put the notebook down on my right so I could still write down the letters. I then placed two fingers from my left hand on the planchette.
“TERESA OUR SCRIBE WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR QUESTION”
“And I need your answer. What do I have to give up to find the traitor?”
“INTERESTING - YOU ARE THE FIRST TO CARE MORE ABOUT THE TRAITOR THAN YOUR OWN LIFE - WHY”
So everybody else asked for their lives? I wonder what that says about me.
“Why am I more interested in the traitor? Because someone is pretending to be our friend while killing all of us! They killed John and I want justice; I want revenge.” I was shaking with fury.
“VERY WELL - DO YOU WANT REVENGE BADLY ENOUGH TO GIVE US YOUR FIRST BORN DAUGHTER IF SHE SEEKS US OUT - FOR THIS YOU WILL RECEIVE A CLUE TO THE TRAITORS IDENTITY “
“What do you mean “give you my first born daughter”? So you can kill her?” I spat on the Board in disgust. “Never.”
“WE HAVE NO PLANS TO HURT HER ONLY TO PROTECT - SHE WILL KNOW NOTHING OF OUR EXISTENCE UNLESS SHE USES A BOARD WITH LIGHT AS A FEATHER IN HER FIFTEENTH YEAR”
“What would keep me from warning her before she plays?”
“PART OF THE BARGAIN IS THAT YOU CAN TELL THEM NOTHING ABOUT US THE BOARD OR THE EVENTS OF THIS SUMMER - IF THEY NEVER USE A BOARD THIS BARGAIN YOU MADE WILL PASS TO THEIR FIRST BORN DAUGHTER WITH ALL THE SAME CONDITIONS”
I thought about it, and decided that I could make sure that they never were exposed to a Ouija Board, if I ever had kids or grandkids. “Okay, I agree to your bargain as long as they have to search you out. Now answer my question! Who is the traitor?”
The Board took forever to give me my clue, and when it finally came, I wished I had never asked.
“ASK YOUR MOTHER”
I was shocked and couldn’t process it. My mother? I hadn’t even spoken to her since I’d been at Beck’s; She didn’t even know what was going on; I had lied to Dee and said I had told her. I couldn’t imagine what information she could tell me.
“Ask my Mother what? How would she know anything about this?”
The planchette only repeated itself, then stopped moving.
I didn’t join the others yet, there was no way I was going to tell them what the Board had said; not until I had gotten to the bottom of it, anyway.
I got up and started towards the bedroom, and had to run back to grab my paper from the notebook. I folded it and placed it in my bra, then walked back down the hall as I figured out what I was going to say. I wondered if anyone else had agreed to the terms, and if they would admit that they had.
Beck and Kama hadn’t moved when I got back, but Travis was pacing back and forth. They looked at me as I came in, and at least I didn’t have to lie about looking upset. Before anyone could speak, I suggested that if we wanted to share that we go in the same order as when we spoke to the Board. I wanted an idea of what they were going to say so I could tailor my answer to match theirs.
No one argued, so Travis sat on the edge of the bed and began.
“Okay, I think that the only way to get through this is to share what we learned, if anything. We should all help each other.”
Kama immediately disagreed.
“Why should anybody who didn’t accept their bargain share with those who turned it down? How is that fair?”
Beck agreed with Kama, but I wanted to know what everyone had chosen. I knew that I was still going to lie about accepting the deal, no matter what the others said. I didn’t want to argue though, and just hoped that everyone would share.
Travis sighed. “Okay, I guess that makes sense. If y’all’s bargains were as bad as mine, I can’t believe that anyone accepted, anyway.”
He reached into his pocket and retrieved the paper he had torn from the notebook. While he straightened it, he said,” I asked for a clue to save my life. This was what they wanted.”
He finally managed to rid the paper of most of the wrinkles and started to read.
*“*YOU MUST OFFER US A BLOOD SACRIFICE OF SOMETHING YOU LOVE”
We all gasped, but mine was more about him getting his paper out than what he said. How am I going to lie if I have to use the paper? What if they want to see it?
I asked,” If you don’t mind sharing, what did you say Travis?”
“I don’t mind sharing at all, I’m going to share whether anyone else does or not. I actually want to help my friends.”
Kama stood up. “You know that’s not what I meant. I want to help my friends too, and for the record, I didn’t accept the deal. I just think that anyone who did shouldn’t be intimidated into sharing if they don’t want to.”
Travis apologized. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean it that way.”
Kama hesitated, then nodded and sat back down next to Beck.
Travis then answered my question. “I did not accept the deal, I told them, “No way. I’m not killing anything for you. Keep your bullshit clue.”
Beck was next and had her paper ready. Her voice quavering, she began to read.
“YOU MUST GIVE UP YOUR CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS - YOU WILL NEVER MARRY AND NEVER HAVE CHILDREN”
She cried as she told us that she also had not accepted.
Kama was next and wasted no time in reading from his paper.
“YOU MUST GIVE US YOUR LEFT HAND SAWN OFF AT THE WRIST”
“And in case you didn’t hear me the first time, I did not accept. I’m not cutting my hand off for anybody.”
My eyes grew wide as I realized that the Board had asked everyone to agree to what would hurt them the most; everyone but me.
Trav, with his love of all living things; he’d rather die himself than kill an innocent creature.
Kama played baseball, and was a gifted left-handed pitcher. Scouts were already watching him. There was no way he would give that up.
Beck? All she wanted was to be married and a mom. The thought of not having that white picket fence would kill her.
But me? I hadn’t ever thought about having kids one way or another, and may decide not to have any at all. There were many other things that would truly hurt me to agree to, like the bargains that the others had been offered. To me, a threat towards someone who may never exist just doesn’t carry the same weight.
I was lost in thought when I realized that everyone was looking at me. It was time for me to take my turn.
I sat down on the bed and with trepidation removed my paper from my bra. I was going to have to make it up as I went along.
“My question was for a clue to save my life. I also said no.”
I cleared my throat and tried to think of something plausible.
“YOU MUST GIVE US YOUR EYES - ONLY THEN WILL YOU SEE THE TRUTH”
Damn, that was stupid. Why couldn’t I have come up with something that didn’t sound like a fortune cookie from Hell? However, they bought it. Thank God. It dawned on me that they had all told the truth, at least about asking for a clue to save their lives. I felt bad to be the only liar, but I saw no other way to handle this; I had to talk to Mom first.
When the talk of what we’d learned died down, I told them that I thought we should burn our papers. The last thing we needed was Dee finding them in the trash, and they all agreed. I got a large ashtray from the kitchen and burned mine first, my anxiety over being found out disappearing as I watched it burn.
**/*
Travis, Beck and Kama decided they wanted to go to the pool, and I said I wanted to eat first. After they left, I went to the phone and called Mom, but there was no answer. I forgot that she would be at work now; I’d have to try to sneak a call later after she was off.
I was dreading this. My mother had never acted like a mother to me, and I wasn’t sure if she even liked me, much less loved me. I knew nothing about my father as he had never been in the picture. When I asked about him she would slap me, and tell me not to ask again. I soon stopped asking her anything because I never knew what would end with a red handprint on my cheek or worse. At least she wouldn’t be able to hit me over the phone.
I still had no idea what I was supposed to ask. Whatever I asked, I knew she wasn’t going to like it and I was terrified she would make me come back home, within reach of her hand.
I said a prayer of thanks for Beck and Dee every day, they made me feel like family; the family I so desperately needed and wanted. I was ashamed of my anger towards Beck earlier, and vowed to myself that I would do better.
I went to change into my bathing suit, dreading going to the pool with everything inside me. There would be no John tippy-toeing down the diving board ever again; he was gone. My head knew it but my heart hadn’t caught up yet. I decided I would just lay out and get some sun, that way I could keep my eyes closed. I grabbed the tanning lotion and headed out to join them.
**/*
After everyone had enough of the pool, Beck and I went to her house, and Kama and Travis decided to go home as well. Kama told Beck that he’d be back early in the morning, and Travis said he’d be over later.
Beck was upset, but I was relieved; I didn’t want to talk about this anymore, I wanted just one normal evening. I wanted Beck and I to laugh and sing along to records. I wanted us to tell stupid jokes, and talk about anything other than what was happening. I wanted to go back to our lives before we had ever seen that Board.
I couldn’t call Mom with Beck at home, though, and I was afraid that I would lose my nerve to call her at all. I resolved to call the next day, she should be off work unless she has a big case she’s preparing for. She was a lawyer (Beck and I called her an ambulance chaser) and she was usually off on weekends.
Dee came home and wasn’t going back out, so we ordered a pizza and watched some TV. It was just what we needed, and we laughed at some mindless comedies and forgot about everything until the phone rang. Dee answered it, and spoke so softly that we couldn’t hear what she was saying. Once she had hung up, she told us that Lycia had passed away.
That ended our evening, and Beck and I went to bed after assuring Dee that we were okay. “That’s three of us now. I killed her!” Beck looked stricken. “Who’s next?”
“I have no idea, Beck, and this is not your fault. Maybe we can stop anybody else from dying.”
“But how? We all said no to what the Board wanted, so why do you think we can stop it?”
I didn’t have an answer that I was willing to share yet. “I just have faith that we’ll figure it out.”
Beck looked long and hard at me, and I tried not to give anything away. It must have worked because she reached over and hugged me and said,” I hope you’re right, Resa.”
I hugged her back, also hoping that I was right; however, I was more terrified that I was wrong.
**/*
The next morning Kama showed up a little while after Dee left. We waited awhile and Travis hadn’t shown up yet, so Kama called him but didn’t get an answer.
A terrible thought crossed my mind. “Y’all don’t think that he went looking for snakes and turtles, do you?”
He often walked up and down the streets in our neighborhood, looking for any who had managed to survive after being hit by a car.
Kama shook his head. “No way he’d do that, considering his chant said he was bitten and dying.”
“I’m not so sure, Kama. I think his love for helping them may be stronger than his fear of the chant.” I so hoped that I was wrong, and that Travis was just sleeping in. “I think we should try to find him.”
Kama and Beck agreed, and we went to his house first, in hopes that he was there. Kama banged on the door so hard I thought he may break it down, but no one answered.
We had no idea where to look, so we just started walking up and down roads around the complex, hoping we would see him. We had been looking for about half an hour and were about to give up when Kama suddenly spotted him several blocks ahead of us. Travis was kneeling and looking at something on the side of the road. We all started to yell at him to try to get his attention, if that was a snake he was looking at it could kill him! We started to run towards him and he stood when he noticed us, and his hands were empty. Thank God.
We all laughed with a sigh of relief and slowed to a walk. He was walking towards us when we heard dogs barking. Travis stopped and looked around, I guess to see where the barking was coming from. Suddenly a large black dog came running out of one of the yards and straight at Travis. We all screamed for him to turn around, and the dog jumped just as he did and knocked him to the ground. We ran to help him as three more dogs of various sizes joined the first one in attacking him. I will never forget his screams as long as I live.
When we reached him, we started trying to get the dogs off him. Kama was kicking them and Travis managed to whisper,” Don’t hurt them!” We were trying to pull them off him when they abruptly ran off.
There was blood everywhere. Travis had been bitten in the face so badly that we could see his teeth through his cheek, and one of his eyes was gone. His stomach had been ripped open and I’d never seen so much blood. Beck raced to one of the houses for help, while Kama and I stayed with Travis. Blood was pouring from his mouth and he started to choke on it. Kama and I turned him to his side with his head resting in Kama’s lap. Kama ripped off his shirt and we used it to put pressure on his stomach wounds.
“You’re gonna be okay, Trav, it’s gonna be okay.” Kama had tears streaming down his cheeks as he held Travis and tried to stop the bleeding, and I squeezed Travis’s hand while I cried and prayed. He died before the ambulance ever got there; he drowned in his own blood.