Trigger Warning: mentions of suicide and self harm
Louis
I came from Paris to New York City for a short vacation. Walking down the street in Times Square was like being back in front of the Eiffel Tower. That is when I saw Louis:
Our hotel room is on the 15th floor, overlooking Central Park. The evening sky I saw was beautiful; the clouds in the sky burned with a crimson frame in the sky, drowned by the ocean-blue sky. In the distance, a huge cumulonimbus cloud looms over the rest of New York City.
I remember Louis’s face filled with awe as he looked out of the window.
“NYC actually looks better than I thought!” Louis said.
« C’est pour qui j’etait ici, NYC c’est une ville très belle! » (That’s why I’m here, NYC is a stunning city) I replied.
“Won’t it be sad when we leave? Nothing except me lasts forever you know?”
Louis walked to a corner of a room.
“I know that’s not why you are here; I know you are here to attempt to get rid of me. The thing is, that is not going to happen; I will always be here. Now, we have a deal to be made.”
«S’il te plaît laisse moi seul, je veux apprécier cette scène.» (please leave me alone, I want to enjoy the scene.) I replied.
I watched the rest of the sunset and fell asleep on the table. Gone were my endless worries about life; for the first time in years, I got decent sleep.
The next morning, I was woken up by Louis screaming in my face. I hate when he does this because after we wake up, he always keeps me in bed after he wakes me up.
“We need to talk now!” Louis threatens me.
« Ugh, je viens de me réveiller! » (Ugh, I just got up!)
“I know! We were supposed to talk yesterday! If you drag on for any longer, I’ll make you do terrible things.”
« Tu dis toujour cela, mais tu ne feras rien. Donc, je sais tu n’avais jamais rien fait! » (You always threaten me, but you have never done anything. So, I know you’re not going to do anything)
“You want to test me?” He replied with a threatening tone.
I feel myself walking towards the kitchen without my control. A glimmering knife sat on the counter, ready for me to grab and do whatever Louis wanted. He had never been so powerful before.
«NONONO JE SUIS DÉSOLÉ!» (NONONO I’M SORRY!)
I grabbed the kitchen knife and raised it to my throat. I could see the knife inches away in the reflection of the sink.
«Je ferai tout ce que vous voulez! Arrêt s’il vous plait!» (I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY, PLEASE STOP!)
I felt myself stop; I regained control over my body.
“Now can we talk?”
I gave him a silent nod.
“OK good,”
I sat myself down, and cold sweat ran down my back and drenched my shirt.
“I want you to slice a tiny cut on your wrist with that knife.”
There was no deal to be made, no negotiation. I followed that order, carefully making sure that it wouldn’t kill me. It burned like hell.
“Now cover it up with a hoodie or something. I don’t want to see it.”
I put on a hoodie to cover up what I had done; I didn’t care that it was summer.
«Pourquoi ne peux-tu pas me laisser tranquille, tu sais que je te déteste. » (Why won’t you just leave me alone, you know I hate you.)
“You see, that is not how this works; I will be with you for the rest of your life. Whenever that day is.”
The words that came out of Louis’s mouth were devoid of emotion.
“It could be tomorrow, or it could be in 35 years. Who knows?”
I went to New York to help Louis, but it didn’t make much of a difference. His words destroyed my last bit of hope of removing him from my life. I often wonder who or what Louis is; no one could see him or feel him. But I see him perfectly fine.
My injury got rid of Louis for now; no trace of him was left.
I left my hotel room to look around NYC. There’s something so beautiful about the mountains of people in one area, each with their own lives and goals. The city is in such disarray but organized at the same time.
I rode the bus from my hotel to the Statue of Liberty, then to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, then to the Brooklyn Bridge. I got on the bridge by walking in an attempt to enjoy my trip.
“Would anyone miss you if you’d jump off right now?”
« Lassie-moi tranquille! » (Leave me alone!)
The tranquil moon hung in the sky so brightly that the reflection it made in the water blinded me.
How has it turned night already?
The bridge’s lights lit up the darkness around me. Suddenly, a piece of cloud drew above my head, and a drop of rain hit me. Soon, the rainwater had covered everything; the bridge’s reflection seemed so bold that I felt small.
Coming here is a mistake; why did I come here? The bridge was beautiful, but a sense of dread loomed over me.
“Don’t the waters below you draw you in? What if you just fell like a raindrop into the water? You might even come to peace with the water.”
« Ferme ta bouche! » (Shut up!)
I lost control of my body again, and I began to walk toward the endless pool of water.
« Désolé, désolé! DÉSOLÉ! » (I’m sorry, so sorry! PLEASE!)
I was snapped out of it when a woman’s voice called out to me.
“Sir, Sir! SIR!”
I snapped my head back to see the woman charging toward me. I blundered. I attracted too much attention. Louis vanished into thin air.
“Sir, please don’t do this!”
“Desolé, I’m not good at English.” My French accent screamed foreigner to the woman to try to get her away from me; I spoke perfect English.
« Parle-Moi S’IL Te Plaît! je connais le français! » (PLEASE TALK TO ME! I know French!) She replied.
My plan didn’t work; she wasn’t going away.
“It’s fine; don’t worry about me,” I replied and turned away.
“I know you’re trying to push me and your problems away; that’s not health, you know. I can see past your lies. She followed close behind:” I’m here to help you know.”
I tried to lose her. I tried to run away, turning corner after corner. Nothing worked; she just followed. By that point, she had followed me for five blocks.
“Just leave me be!” I shouted.
“No! I refused to just let you be left alone!”
I turned into a small corner of the city where no one would find me. I sat down in a ball and just cried; the woman just brushed my hair, saying it was OK.
“My name is Nathalie, by the way.”
We took the bus to my hotel. I could have hurt her because she didn’t know who I was. She didn’t care; however, she slept in the same room as me.
She had been with me for the rest of the trip, and Louis came back for the duration of the trip. She found my scars from Louis, but she was never upset.
By the end of my vacation, we had to part ways. As a final goodbye, she gave me her number to call if I felt sad. I’d cry in her arms for hours that day, only stopping when the alarm on my phone went off. On the bus ride to the airport, I felt Louis’s presence threatening me, but he couldn’t take over my body anymore. Louis wanted to kill me, and he always would be trying, but with Nathalie always by my side, Louis’s immense power diminished as quickly as he obtained it.
It’s almost funny that I and Louis have the same name.