my names Martha. I have a sister named Maria. We are close, But she has been distant lately. she wont share her problems with me, she is always so quiet…just so quiet. I want to talk, i want to tell her that her problems are mine. But she wont speak. She cant.
she ignores me.
We look identical. We are twins after all. I love her dearly, I promise. i just cant handle her quietness anymore. everyday she looks more like me. I’m delusional, I don’t know.
Our father never really liked us. I don’t think he ever will. His eyes never showed love, his heart never felt it. all he knew was lust. Maria couldn’t stand him. So we sent him away.
i didn’t want to do it. i don’t think i did it… It was Maria she told me to do it. She said it would make our problems go away. I fell asleep in her arms. the next day i had blood on mine.
i didn’t do it. I didn’t want to.
4:23 AM
Maria is at home. alone. I’m ashamed to say this, i don’t trust her on her own. I’m afraid she is a threat. not to others, to her self. i am at a bar, with my boyfriend. i don’t know why. i don’t like him. i don’t want my sister to be alone. i need to go home. the noises are too loud. my head hurts. i want out.
4:30 AMT
The small bar is silent. I don’t know what happened. My boyfriends angry. The world is spinning me round. I’m sick.. Yes that must be it. I want to tell my boyfriend to take me home. i cant drive. My head hurts. My life hurts. Everything hurts. my smile makes me angry and my frown makes me jolly.
why does everything Hurt?
4:49 AM
I’m in my car. i hate myself for leaving my sister alone. I’m scared. I don’t know why… WHY the hell does everything hurt?
I wanted her to call me, and tell me she was okay, but if she really did call me, that meant something had happened to her.
6:30 AM (?)
I’m outside my house. i don’t want to go inside. i can hear screaming. I can hear her screaming. I’m scared. I’m scared of what i would find when i go in.
7:00 AM
i went in. i don’t know why. i regret it. there was no one there. no one to keep me in my bubble. Only people there that want me to burst my bubble. It was me, Martha Odbin, and my Therapist, Sarah.
“its cosy in my bubble. i don’t want to leave. I’m happy. why wouldn’t I be happy? “ I told her. again and again.
“you bubble has limited oxygen, Martha. Your going to suffocate. you need to step out. Lets him go” Sarah said.
“I know i do, damn it. I’m crazy, delusional, maybe. But I’m not stupid.”
“But you emotions are making you stupid Martha. Dave is worried about you, your mother is worried about you, Martha I’m worried about you.”
“I KILLED MY FATHER GOD DAMN IT. I KILLED THAT BITCH. I HATE HIM, I HATED HIM PASSION, I WANTED HIM DEAD.”
“But you didn’t want to kill him. Martha, your head, your thoughts, your emotions. they get in the way of you thinking rationally. You need to clear your head and let him go. you feel guilty, even though you don’t want to. You want to be proud of what you did, But your not. Your a kind person, Stuck in a mindset that every problem of yours needs to disappear for you to live happily. you forget you have to face your problems.”
there was silence. There was something boiling in me. It was anger but not mine. i wasn’t angry. But Maria was. Because she knew Sarah was right. But now Maria looks just like me. She always did. But now I confuse her with my reflection.
2:43 PM
My mom came over. I love her, i really do. she came for tea sometimes. but today, i called her. i needed to talk to her.
“Mom…Who is Maria?” I asked firmly.
“Maria?” My mom asked, confused.
“I mean… I know who she is….But who is she, as a person. She doesn’t talk to me, and mom…She looks just like me…Everyday its like waking up to a mirror on my side, I get nightmares…And everyday i wake up to one. I want to think I’m scared for her… But I’m scared of her…of what she will do.”
I knew i sounded crazy. i tried to regain my self.
“Mom i think.. My sister is possessed.”
my mom looked more confused then ever.
“How… Do you know about Maria?” she asked. she looked scared.
“How do i know… Mum she’s my sister! what do you mean-“
“Dear…Dear…You sister’s… dead. She died when you were born. You two were… Conjoined. You were the dominant twin, Maria was just a… a parasite. we…we couldn’t save her… I don’t know how you found out… i never wanted the thing to trouble you… I’m so…so sorry…” My mother burst into tears.
i couldn’t console her. the only thing i could do was stare at Maria standing behind her, pointing at the table. on which was a paper cutter.
Maria smiled. I don’t want to do it… But now I’m far too deep. my limbs a useless. they are not mine. Martha Odbin’s body was now her sisters.