My grandmother had just passed. She had lived to be 107. She was a very sweet old woman with a heart as big as Mount Everest. She had come from a quiet town out in the desolate forests of Northern Finland. Her people there loved to gaze upon the stars each night they could and wander with their minds what mysteries this life held.
I’m in my mid forties and I have two children, aged seventeen and nine. Their mother disappeared five years ago on a trip out to my grandmother’s old town in search of her books she had left within her old residence. Locals had said they had seen her there on the hill nearby but she did not appear the next day. They searched the woods for her but to no avail. Me and my boys were heartbroken, but we eventually moved on. Widowed and now with the loss of my last relative older than me, I decided it would be time to spend quality time with the boys and finish raising them. I want them to be strong even if something should happen to me.
It was a week after the funeral that I had received notice in my email from my grandmother’s lawyer of her will. With no surviving heirs, the will was to be directed to the next of kin. I had arrived at the office early in the morning after dropping my boys off at their schools. The lawyer was busy of course so I had to wait patiently to be seen. It had been maybe two or three hours before he had emerged from his office. A couple came out as well, discussing something angrily around some potential theft a family member had committed. I didn’t much care, but hoped the best for them.
I sat down with him and he began to talk to me. He asked how long I’ve known my grandmother and how much I had seen her in my life. It was quite often really. I had explained in vivid detail the holidays we had spent together and all the stories she had read to me as I fell asleep in my bed. I would never forget the way her voice would soften when I had come home from my school days. She always would spoil me with a nibble of chocolate, making very sure no one noticed. Those were good days…
After providing my answer, the lawyer smiled and told me that he was happy I had a good fulfilling time with her, offered condolences, and reached onto his desk for the will. It told common things. “I leave you these belongings, I leave you this money, yada yada”. Don’t get me wrong, while I am grateful for the things bestowed to me, I missed her sorely and would have loved nothing more but another moment in her presence. I had wrapped things up with the lawyer and went about my day as the usual happenings went on.
That night, I had checked all my savings and everything within my bank. I decided to go to my boys and bring them to the living room to talk. I had asked them what they wanted to do - stay here, move to another preferred city, or something else. We had chosen in the end to remain where we were but go on a trip this summer to my grandmother’s old town. I had bought the tickets and bided my time until summer. We drove to the airport and began our trip from America out to Finland.
Amazingly we had no delays and even managed to get a nice rental vehicle for a cheaper than usual price. It would be the early afternoon hours once we had arrived. I had been here before but decades ago. For whatever reason, out of all my memories with her, this was the faintest of them all. The house was two stories and built with a dark exterior, practically as though it had received a generously thorough coat of lacquer. The interior, in contrast to the outside, was welcoming. Smells of a familiar variety of perfumes had filled my nostrils and brought a small tear to my eye. It felt right… it felt like home.
After settling in, I turned the boys loose and let them explore. The woods thankfully were not thick enough to harbor any animals they would not see until too late, and I was assured by the locals that even then there were no such dangers. I laid within her room, perusing her old collection of books. Majesty Dearest, The Untold Dichotomy of Jill and Felix, Danish Recipes for Beginners… and then my gaze turned to another of her shelves. Unbelievable. It was all the old books she read to me those ages ago, and they were all in nearly perfect condition. I had toiled with them all, basking in all the cherished memories from my childhood.
It hurt really, to know I’d never hear her read them again. I teared up, but crushed it and remained strong. I knew she’d want that. Then I noticed another book on the same shelf. A rather old and dark blue back with no name on the spine nor cover. I opened it to see the title. “Astral Sights”, no author. It was handwritten. Could this be her own work? Did I ever watch her write? I had never thought about it before. I do remember there was one book she had that she said I was not allowed to read. Was this that book? I had a couple hours to spare before the boys came in for dinner, so with a little hesitation, I began to read.
The following is what I read:
-It is said ‘in the night sky lay the most beautiful of sights we have the privilege of watching from our lonely home in space’. I find this hard to believe. While I do enjoy observing the sky in the twilight hours, it feels empty at times… maybe it’s the light pollution from the street lamps. My cousin said he would speak with the village head about having the lights off at night so we could get a better view of the stars. I hadn’t much thought of star gazing before but my friend took a liking to it some time ago when he went on a trip away from civilization.
What’s weird though is after his last trip, he stopped. I’m not sure why, but it could have to do with his brother’s disappearance. I still feel for him even now. Whatever happened to his brother?
-It has been a little while since I last wrote, so I’ve decided to make a new entry. The village head has agreed to my cousin’s request and has the street lights off tonight. I’m actually excited to see what the night should look like. I’ll write again tomorrow.
-It was beautiful! No wonder why people enjoy this sight! I’m thinking of inviting my friend to see the stars again the next time the head allows the street lights to be off for the night. I touched the subject but he seemed to ignore more. As much as I am hesitant, I wish to do this with him… maybe I have a crush? We’ll see what comes of it.
-He said yes! I’m so thrilled he agreed! I’ve known him for so long but these feelings I get whenever he looks at me… is this what mother said was love? I must go see him again. I’ll write again after we see the stars!
-It has been three years since I last wrote. My crush had disappeared that night we were together. I ran home just to go get my telescope I bought to observe the stars but when I returned he wasn’t there… did he leave me or did something terrible happen? I don’t know, but he has been missing ever since. Authorities questioned me for weeks and I could not give them a solid answer. It’s a shame… I had loved him I thought. Tonight is the three year anniversary of that night. Perhaps I’m too sentimental, but I’ve decided to watch the stars again tonight. Maybe some insight will be bestowed to me.
-Never again.
-I married today, an American man named Paul. I don’t remember when the last time I wrote was. So much has happened since then. I fell in love at first sight, but was reminded of the one from before… it’s sad to say I don’t remember his name. However, four years of being with Paul has made me realize the magic of love again and I couldn’t be happier. We plan to have at least one child. Maybe two, but I have my hesitancy on the subject. Paul, dearest, I love you to the ends of earth and hope these many years bring us happiness.
—-More stories of Paul happen for pages… it’s actually very sweet. It IS grandpa Paul and grandma… I shed a few tears of joy. Maybe that’s why she didn’t want to read it to me? Because of the memories she wanted to keep of her and her husband? The disappearances definitely seem odd… it made me think of my departed wife. I grew sadder in thought. I turned the page and found where my father came into the picture. It made me really cherish the memories with him. We would always watch the stars together but grandmother never watched with me except for one time. I guess she was tired anytime I wanted to.
-My boy has had a child of his own. I feel so blessed to be in the presence of my young grandson. I will watch over him so that he may never be alone. Thank you, whatever force this world was created by for the chance to feel such love and graciousness in these days.
-My grandson has been asking me repeatedly to watch the stars with him… I can’t say no forever even though I don’t want to say yes… I hope for the best.
-The night was quiet. We watched for an hour and a half. I was so happy to see such blissful joy upon his small face and his cheeks turning rosy…
I caught a glimpse as I went inside.
Never. Again.
—-the pages went on with stories of me up to the birth of my own child. I’ve never seen how she felt written down. But I was mixed in feelings. What was her fear she had written so adamantly… the book ended.—-
Before I had time to consider my thoughts, the boys had walked back into the house. Had it been two hours already? I started work on dinner. I decided I would treat them to their first taste of venison, which we had purchased the first day we got here.
I had served their plates and sat down to eat with them. They told me about their little adventure and I was happy to see them smile. While they ate, my little one nudged his brother to tell me something. He said that they heard from the village head that the street lights would be off. I agreed to watch the stars with them tonight as I wanted to cherish the same memory with them… sadly without my grandmother.
Dusk was fast approaching and me and my boys stood atop the nearby hill. No stars were visible yet but the street lights were off. I checked the time, curious as to when the first stars would appear. And so they did. One after the other slowly over the course of three hours. I had forgotten to bring the telescope out of the house. Luckily it was a more powerful one than what we used so long ago. I asked the boys to go get it. As they left away I gazed on the stars deeply, feeling such sad tones hit me. It reminded me of my wife even more. She had loved to watch the stars for hours on end even though we did not get them very often at our hometown in America.
I pulled out my wallet to check the photo of my beloved. I smiled, thought of our children, and kissed it. It was the closest I could get to doing it ever again, but I was content. Strangely, as I looked at the photo, it grew darker for a moment. The shine on the photo was noticeably dim. I put it away and turned my view to the sky. There were still stars but faded almost. I noticed two that were much brighter than the others. I thought for a moment. Then it became clear and the world grew silent…
They slowly blinked.
… NEVER. AGAIN.