I was conceived on Bourbon Street, and born a paperless bastard to my whore of a mother. No disrespect to the woman. I’ve always just accepted things for what they were, are and what will come to be. Mama would take me up and down Nola for work. Allegedly she would wrap me up and tuck me away in an alley whenever she went to look for a client.
She’d go do her business, then come right back. She always came back. Until she figured I could take care of myself that is. She started fucking the barkeep’s so they’d let me sit at the bar while she went around town. After a while they started slipping me some Sazerac whenever she took too long to come back.
That quickly turned into one of them asking me for favors, or running errands in exchange for a hot meal. Started off simple. Take the envelope, tell them how long they had to pay him back then go back to the bar to eat. Didn’t know any better.
Did this for a few years until I was given my first cut when I was ten. One hundred dollars cash was put right in my hand. First time I held any sort of money now that I think about it. I was so excited to show Mama. I was finally able to help her financially instead of just pointing out the drunkest fools with the fattest wallets for her to prey on. Excited to go back to our hole before the sun went up for once.
I handed her the money with the biggest fucking smile. She was surprised. I thought the tear that rolled down her face was from her being proud of her little man. She got down to my level like she always did and said, “One more and we’ll go home for the night. Sound good baby?” Of course I nodded and sat back at the bar.
The barkeeper kept his bar open to a ten year old until the sun came up. Willy and I have been close ever since. The bar became my home. Willy was not only my employer, but a father figure. Still ran errands for him when I wasn’t working the bar.
I’ve always been a big mother fucker. Willy started using me as his muscle when I was about sixteen. He was getting up there in his age, and he needed help regulating the bar. Especially around tourist season. Haven’t meant one that could hold their liquor unless they were an alcoholic or a former local.
I was around eighteen when Willy started letting me in on what he had me running around town. The man was a loan shark having a kid run wads of cash around Bourbon to pay off his own debts he was acquiring with interest. I was in a hole and I didn’t even know it. Don’t get me wrong I was upset, but you shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds.
That night he sent me out to collect. J.B. was a friend until he became a client. Thought since he was a friend he would get off easy. Then the fool started duckin’ my calls, and disappeared for like a week. I was kinda hoping someone got to him before I did. The idiot just went back to living his life like he had already paid up.
I went to his apartment already pissed off. He barely cracked the door when I knocked. The guy had the audacity to tell me. “Sorry man, I went on vacation. I’ll get you next week.” I lost my shit.
I kicked his door in, snatched the fucker up by his shirt and threw his ass over his couch. The guy was a whole person smaller than me, so he was easy to whip around. He landed on his coffee table so hard it broke into pieces. His lady booked it out of the apartment the first chance she got. I closed the door, and it was all over from there.
He knew he fucked up. Begged for forgiveness and everything. I was just too far gone. A drunken mess. Pissed off from figuring out I was under Willy’s thumb thinking he’s been looking out for me this whole time. I was collecting from a so-called friend that put me in a shitty position thinking he could get away with it. I felt betrayed, you know?
Before I knew it I was breathing heavily in a room covered in blood. J.B. had his face smashed in with a good chunk of his 70” TV sticking out of his chest. I was covered in blood from head to toe with pieces of his eye still around one of my thumbs. I did the only thing I could think of. Take a shower, then set the place on fire.
Drank a little out of every bottle before pouring them all over his place to get the buzz back. Had to sell the whole, “lost my clothes last night,” bit. I walked my naked, drunk self all the way back to Willy’s bar. Mother fucker was a loss for words.
He took me in the back asking me all kinds of shit. “What happened? Did you at least get the money?” You know, shit like that. I just flat out told him. “Killed him with my bare hands, then torched the place.” He didn’t know what to think.
Don’t know what he was more pissed about. The 20k or that I possibly got him wrapped up in my shit. “You’re going to be paying this shit off for the rest of your life if the cops don’t break my door down tonight!” He yelled, spit and all.
I knew I was either going away for a very long time, or I was going to be this guys bitch while he held a murder over my head. So I asked him. “Russian roulette?” He laughed and asked. “Oh yeah? What do you have to offer? Already got you by the balls.”
I walked over, and grabbed the piece he had stashed away. Always kept the thing loaded. I emptied the cylinder out in my hand, then held one of the rounds straight out in front of me. Just enough so I couldn’t see his head behind it.
All could think about all day was killing that mother fucker. Never felt that way about anyone. Not even J.B. He was just caught in the crossfire.
I loaded the round before giving the cylinder a spin. I told him, “If I die, then you live. Better pray that I fucking die.” He started running at me as I brought the piece up to my head. I pulled back the hammer, and the last thing I heard was a bang.
Woke up underwater. At first I panicked. Scrambled like a madman trying to find the surface. I shot out the water coughing up bile and swamp gunk when I finally did. That’s when I heard his laugh for the first time.
I’m sure you remember how it sent chills down your spine. I looked up to see the Baron himself sipping from his glass with a cigar between his fingers. His tophat and painted face said it all. He was sitting on a dead tree branch with that damn cat at his side. I knew I was dead. That much was clear.
“Took ya long enough! You know how long these gators have been looking at you like a snack motha fucka?” He asked. I looked around to see I was surrounded by them. Didn’t know what to do other than stare while I felt around for the hole in the side of my head.
He laughed again and asked. “Good thing you missed all the important shit huh?” I answered, then asked a question of my own. “Yes, Baron Samedi. Are you here to guide me to the afterlife?”
I don’t know why I asked that. I knew better. I was still in my skin. He just laughed again and said, “You dumb motha fucka. I’m not here to guide you to the realm of the dead. I have a task for you. A simple task if you will.”
It’s not like I was going to argue with a god, so I nodded my head. He kicked his feet up laughing like a child. Spilt his drink everywhere, but when he sat back up the glass was still full.
“Splendid! I need you to climb to the summit of Driskill to feed my pet bird. I’m aware I can do it myself, but you look like you need a walk.” He said before breaking into that annoying laughter again. It seemed simple. Figured it was my fee to pass on.
I just nodded, and turned in the direction of the mountain thinking this was just some sick joke. He was still in front of me sitting on that same tree branch. The Baron reached out his hand with a square piece of yellow cake resting in his palm. “Take this boy. You’ll appreciate it,” he said while handing me the cake. I took it from his hand and he was no longer there.
It was just the tree he sat on with a dead branch extended out where his hand was. I looked down at the cake wondering if it was what he wanted me to feed the bird. I brought it up to my nose to see if there was anything special about it, but I was just cake. Then my whole world turned upside down. I fell back into the water while simultaneously rising to my feet like a damn vampire at the base of the mountain.
I was so confused. I remembered him saying summit like I was going to climb mount everest or something. Not this big ass hill they call a mountain. I’m sure you thought the same whenever he brought you here. Never been up here, but I assumed it’d take no more than an hour to reach the top. I made my way up with my piece of cake. It seemed too easy at first.
Granted it was dark, and I hadn’t a care in the world. I mean, I knew I was already dead. Just thought about everything that had happened in my life, and what had brought me to that moment. All the lives I’ve ruined. All the people I have beaten and shamed. These thoughts flooded my mind while all I could hear was his laughter the whole way up.
He was taunting me. I knew this. I just wasn’t ready to accept another betrayal, but it’s not like the Baron lied. I stopped when I thought I should have been at the top thinking I probably missed the bird or something. You probably did the same.
I looked back down the mountain, and I couldn’t see anything. It was complete darkness. I turned back around to face the top hoping to see something different. I couldn’t wrap my head around how big this mountain really was. I wanted to go back down. I just didn’t know what was down there.
That’s the only reason I kept going up with the piece of cake still in my hand. It was the fear of the unknown. Wasn’t long until I made it to the top. I pushed through those thorny bushes, and fell right in the pit just like you did. I didn’t see the bird though. At least not at first.
I didn’t know I was standing in a giant bird’s-nest when I initially fell in. I walked around calling for the thing like a dog. Before I knew it I was being tackled by some guy. It wasn’t hard to fight him off. He was small, and his skin felt like it was flaking off all over me. The guy stuck his hand in my mouth while we were fighting to keep me from screaming.
It was disgusting. He pulled me close to his face showing me who he was. It was J.B. all burnt and beaten. He put his finger to his black crusted lips and shushed smoke in my face. I got the picture.
He covered us in sticks and shit to hide us from what he knew was coming. It landed not too far from us. Someone screamed and it screamed back like a thousand crying babies. It had the furry body of a baby bird. The wings had hands with distended fingers swinging around with every movement, and its black feathers looked to fade away into ash at the tips.
Its head looked like a decaying human skull with the beak protruding from its cheeks around swollen serrated lips. I watched it bury its face into the ground, and pluck that screaming person from where they were hiding. I then understood why J.B. tried so hard to shut me up.
The bird lifted the screaming guy into the air with its beak through his chest, then opened up its beak splitting him in two. He was still alive screaming bloody murder. It poked at him a couple times slinging loose limbs around before opening its beak to show those disgusting lips that seemed to move on their own.
It moved the pieces of the man around between the splits of its lips before taking him in piece by piece. The giant bird looked around while letting out another scream. After that it was out of sight. All I could hear were the screams from the others trapped up here until they went silent on their own. It felt like we spent days hiding under the brush before the thing got bored enough to take off again.
That’s when J.B. got the chance to fill me in on what was going on. Took a while for me to understand. He said he’d been there for years even though he died only a few hours before me. The Baron gave him the same spiel, a piece of cake and sent him up the mountain. Only difference is when he got here the bird was already picking at the people here before him.
He fell in catching its attention, and he instinctively held the piece of cake up to the bird like an offering. It took everything but the cake. The thing tore him to pieces while he watched everyone else up here run for the piece of cake like a bunch of animals before the bird got to them too. Then everything was forgotten.
At least that’s how he put it. Took a while for me to get an understanding of what that meant. Look there. You can see them walking up right now. How they mindlessly fall back into the nest, but without cake this time.
When you get eaten up here you start back at the bottom of the mountain without any memory of walking up until you fall right back in. You wander back up here without the piece of cake. Knowing there is something missing, but can’t quite put your finger on it. Thinking of everything that led to that moment of your climb. You look back down the mountain to see there is nothing for you to go back to, so the only way to go is up.
You climb through the thorns and the haze like time and time before without knowing any different. When you think you’ve reached the top all the pain and suffering floods back in as you fall back into its nest more frail than before. I think the cake the Baron gave us is no more than a last meal, so don’t let anyone see it. Hold on to it as long as you can. It’s the last thing you’ll ever appreciate from the other side of the crossroads.