To say I was surprised is an understatement. My daughter, Brooklyn, is 7 years old. She has a very ‘matter of fact’ personality. She can be very charming on the surface but her stodgy view of the world was unlike children her age, which cost her meaningful friendships.
When Brooklyn could stand, she began to walk independently, refusing any further assistance. Her first words were “No.” “Yes.” and “Stop.” This wasn’t concerning, it made meal and play time difficult, but we praised that she was creating boundaries. Respecting her new found authority over her body, we were quick to teach her how to dress herself, how to bathe herself, how to use her mini potty; all with supervision.
She didn’t really need me, and she made that clear when she started forming sentences. I was always ‘Mom’, never ‘Mommy’. I felt wasn’t able to bond with my baby girl the way most mothers do. I had to accept that the idea I had always envisioned, was not nor ever going to be a reality. So I had to adapt.
So now you know a little bit about my Brooklyn then I assume you understand why I was so thrilled she made herself a friend. I hadn’t even questioned that I’ve yet to speak to a parent or provided our address. I was quick to make an arrangement of treats, which I knew wouldn’t impress Brooklyn, but in hopes her friend might enjoy. I was involved in all her class holiday parties so I knew none of the kids had a nut allergy, but I would still check with the parents. This is what finally made me question, “Whose coming over sweetie?”. She disregarded me and quickly started twirling around saying how excited she was to play. I didn’t push her, trying not to pull her out of this new wave of joy. I’m sure it was Kayla or Becca, whose moms I became familiar with.
I was outside setting up the blanket for a picnic, when our special guest arrived. “She’s here!!!!”, Brooklyn cheered through the house. I hurried in the house, to the front door. I opened it with my most welcoming smile. To my dismay, no one was on the other side to greet. I looked over to my drive way to check for a car, but it was empty. I closed the door. I couldn’t have taken more than a minute following Brooklyns excited announcement.
I went to go find her and heard giggling coming from her room. To be honest I didn’t know if the laughter was coming from my daughter.. Sadly, it’s not a common song dancing around our home. I approach, hearing Brooklyn whisper words I couldn’t quite make out. I opened her door with another big smile, this one being more forced, only to be left with disappointment again. “Honey, I thought you said your friend was here?”, I asked softly. “She is!! Mommy, this is Brook!”, she said jumping up excitedly, grabbing my hand and pulling me into her room where she had been seated moments before. An imaginary friend? I was confused, especially coming from a girl who wouldn’t accept a dollar from the Tooth Fairy because, “she’s not real”. I wasn’t sure how to approach this. If I acted like ‘Brook’ was there, she might call me on my bluff. If I acknowledged that she created an imaginary friend, she might drop this whole act, which I admit was making me happy to see her using her imagination..even if the name was just a shorter a version of her own.
Not knowing what to do I said, “Hi Brook! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Brooklyn so excited all morning waiting to see! You can call me Miss Lily. It’s so nice to meet you!” I brushed Brooklyn’s bangs to the side, seeing her beam up at me with an unfamiliar smile and back at the empty spot on her carpet. “Are you girls hungry?”, I asked not sure how to keep up in this new play of make believe. I guess she’s not the only one who struggles with imagination.. Brooklyn fed me an assuring smile that I was treading on the right path. “Yes Mommy, can you get us when our picnic is ready? I’m going to show Brook my Ant Farm!” Creepy little things.. burrowing tunnels with no destination. The word ‘mommy’ sitting in the air like it’s meant for someone else. It felt almost as cree.. no this is good. She’s so happy right now. I smiled, “Sure baby. I’ll be back soon, you two”.
I closed the door behind me. I thought to myself, wondering why I was so caught off guard about my own daughter finally calling me Mommy? I was quick to brush it off, this is what I’ve wanted for so long. I started making my way down the hall to the stairs when I noticed little wet foot prints, about the size of Brooklyns. I looked at them for a second, knowing she had her shoes on.. This must be part of her new game. She must have done it when I was in the back yard and I just missed them on my way up. Maybe Brook will turn out to be a mermaid. I just wondered how the little wet foot prints are coming up the stairs to her room, but there were no foot prints going down? The bathr..
A chill went down my spine and I could feel goosebumps raising the hairs on my arms. Cutting off my train of thought, I remembered the night terrors I had as a child, reoccurring from time to time. I pushed images out of my head as quickly as they had imposed.
I made my way down and toward the kitchen. The faucet was running, the stopper push in the drain making a waterfall over the counter. I hadn’t started making the pink lemon aid yet… and I think I would’ve noticed the running water when I rushed through earlier. I rubbed my temples trying to fight the ache that came without a warning. I shut off the water, pulled the drain, and sopped up the pool forming on my the floor. I continued on to fill the pitcher up with cold water. When I turned around, I saw another set of foot prints. My stomach twisted in pain when I quickly noticed these ones were bigger leaving dirt & mud, unlike the ones left on the stairs. They were only about 2 feet ahead, facing my direction. This I couldn’t write off. Was someone…it doesn’t make sense? I just cleaned up the water, there was just water! And now just a single pair of foot prints staring back at me, no other dirt or mud tracked in or out of the room..
“Mommy…” whispered from the doorway. Suddenly I felt all the heat leave my body and I felt the pitcher fall from my hands. “I missed you”
Everything went dark and the pain in my stomach spread the every part of my body whe..