The alarm is already going off. I’m not like Helen; I wake up instantly to the noise while she’s still snoring. I turn off the alarm and look around the dilapidated hotel room in Shreveport. Small rays of light from the parking lot shoot in through the cracks and holes in the window shade. I had seen a couple of cockroaches when we first came in only six and a half hours before, and I wonder how many of the little bastards are crawling around on the floor right now. I didn’t tell Helen. I wanted her to sleep. We’re both so tired.
Mr. Jenkins is still lying at the foot of the bed. He looks at me with narrowed eyes; his tongue slightly out of his mouth. I wonder how many cockroaches he’s devoured while we slept. At twenty two pounds, he’s a hefty chunk of cat, but he’s also got a talent for hunting bugs.
I put my hand out to him, but he has no interest in pets right now. He’s livid that his daddy and mommy have taken him out of his home and thrown him into a car to drive across the country, forcing him to eat and crap in a moving vehicle. I turn my attention to Helen.
I nuzzle her with my head and she stirs.
“No…”
“Baby, we’ve got to get going.”
“No…”
“Only five more hours.” She slowly opens her eyes. After ten years together, this is still my favorite part. Waking up with her.
“I can’t drive anymore Stephen.”
“Come on, we have to stick to the plan.”
“Fuck the plan, I’m tired.” Her eyes open to slits. She stares at me; challenging me to figure out how to coax her out from underneath the dingy comforter. I know how to get her moving. It’s going to be humiliating, but it’ll work.
“I’ll make a deal with you.” Her eyes open wider.
“What?”
“We can just stay here for an extra day as long as we spend it being horny under these nasty sheets. Both of us writhing in ecstasy; flesh quivering in orgasmic delight. Fluids flying at…” She cuts me off by inhaling deeply and looking away from my face as if she’s actually thinking about it. She sighs.
“Fine, I’ll get up.”
-
We drive another five hours into New Orleans. She’s behind me in our car with Jenkins, while I drive this creaky box of gears filled with enough of our stuff to fill a one bedroom apartment. It’s been three hard days of driving moving from the central valley in California all the way down here. We’re both exhausted and we’ve still got to unload the U-haul into our new apartment.
I’m trying not to think about how tired we are.
I’m trying to think about this new beginning. I’m trying to think about the adventure. I’m trying not to think about Lily.
-
The building is old. Built in 1902 right off of Canal Street in the French Quarter. Six stories high. According to Helen, it’s also supposed to be haunted. Of course it is.
In New Orleans, everything is haunted.
I pull around back with the U-Haul, while Helen parks out front to get our keys.
It takes us two hours to get all of our stuff up to the fourth floor while Jenkins is locked in our new bathroom screaming at us the entire time. We don’t even look around our new apartment, we just fill it up with boxes and a small amount of furniture, but I can already feel a vibe. Something alive in the air.
The sound of music is riding on the air from Bourbon Street.
We spent a week on vacation here five years ago. We left Lily behind then. I’m hoping in a cruel way that we left her behind again. It’s the only way forward for us.
-
We take a break after we get everything unloaded and let Jenkins out to explore his new home. He’s not happy. He sniffs around and eventually walks up to the front door. He walks backward and then sits on the ground.
Once we’d loved on him a little bit and tried to make him feel at home, we go to the roof to have a cigarette; an elevator ride up two floors and then a walk through a small sitting area with a few chairs and up a small ramp and through a glass door.
There’s a pool up here. Right next to the pool is a narrow walkway running parallel to a light well. Five floors down; a narrow rectangle of sheer walls dotted with skinny windows. I don’t look down to the bottom.
I’m not a fan of heights.
“Oh my God Stephen, look at it.”
The rails of the walkway end in the middle of the roof. We walk to the edge of it and take it all in. The skyline in front of us is dominated by towering modern buildings, all shiny steel and windows.
Behind us is the Quarter. The spire of St. Louis Cathedral is the tallest point, looming over the brick and mortar of buildings from another time. I stare at the cross against the darkening sky. I say a silent prayer in my head.
God, help us move forward.
“We’re actually here.”
She’s smiling. My baby is smiling.
We smoke a couple of cigarettes and watch the night take over the city. I watch hundreds of crows flying amongst the buildings. I’ve never seen so many in my life.
“Come on!” She turns and starts walking along the narrow walkway. There’s a spring in her step.
“What’s the rush?”
“We’ve got to get everything unpacked. I got some whiskey at the last gas station! We’ll have a drink when we finish!”
“Tonight? Aren’t you tired?”
“Not anymore.”
“Why the rush?” I crush my cigarette and follow her.
“Because I want to get drunk and have you inside of me.”
Now there’s a spring in my step. She laughs.
As I pass the light well, I get a shiver.
I hate heights.
-
“Daddy?” The muffled voice of a young man comes through the wall.
My eyes open. I sit up right and I’m covered in sweat. Helen doesn’t move. Nothing could wake her up right now. I think I was dreaming, but I don’t remember it. I know it was bad.
The wall behind our bed is humming. I touch it and it’s hot.
“Daddy?”
-
It’s two in the morning, but my body thinks it’s midnight. It’s only two hours, but the time difference from California is screwing with me.
I get dressed and when I walk into the front room, it’s brightly lit from the lights down on the street. I see that Jenkins has not moved. I lean down and scratch his head and then pull the shade down over the window, covering everything in darkness. As I open the door, Jenkin’s hisses behind me.
“Hey… what’s going on?”
He keeps staring out the door. He hisses again and then jumps backward and runs into the bedroom. I tell myself he’s scared of the new place. I tell myself it’s because he’s never been outside of our old house except for visits to the vet.
I quietly walk out of our apartment.
Long white hallways with beige doors that are ten feet high and blue and gray carpet that’s stained and worn. I get lost looking for the elevators, but I finally find them. Three stainless steel doors. I can hear one of them screeching upwards toward me. It sounds as old and tired as the building itself.
The lobby is quiet. The clerk behind the desk is staring at her phone with bloodshot eyes.
She doesn’t look up at me as I pass. I may as well be a ghost.
-
Canal Street is fairly quiet, but there’s a vibe to it. An aliveness that really can’t be described, only felt. A street that reeks of age, alcohol, and urine. Air that’s thick to breath and a wet heat that someone from the west coast knows nothing about.
Sounds crazy, but I love it. Old streets that could take us somewhere new. Somewhere away from all the anguish Helen feels and somewhere away from the rage that won’t let me go.
I grab more cigarettes and a small bag of coffee that looks like it’s been sitting on the shelf for three years.
Three years.
Three years since Lily was taken right in front of us.
-
As I near our building, I look at it from this new angle. Only six stories but it’s massive in front of me; a large ornate rectangle with elongated windows that are all dark. The bright white plaster beast wears dark water stains around the window ledges and downspouts. I contemplate it for a moment, and then it starts to rain.
I run inside.
-
The ghost walks back through the lobby. He says hi to the zombie on the phone behind the desk.
Still nothing alive about her.
-
My reflection in the shiny stainless steel doors of the elevator looks back at me. I really need some sleep.
The elevator stops and the lights go out.
I wait.
After a minute, I reach for the alarm button, but before I can push it, the elevator starts again.
I step off on my floor, take a couple of turns and make the trek down the long hall with the tall doors.
Damn.
I’m on the fifth floor. The elevator must have screwed up.
“Daddy?”
I turn around, but there’s no one there.
The voice is a high happy thing that makes my teeth grit. I’ve heard it before.
I’m delirious.
I walk back toward the elevators, but I get lost again.
Finally, I round a corner and I’m standing in the sitting area right next to the roof.
I’m on the sixth floor now somehow.
I’m tired, not thinking straight. It’s a new building to me, I’m bound to get lost, especially when I’m this tired.
In the last four days, I’ve had about seventeen hours of sleep.
I know I should go back to the elevator, but I’m already here.
I want a cigarette.
-
The rain has stopped. The roof is soaked and the air is a dense soup. I walk past the pool and down the narrow walkway. I light up and look out over the city.
Rain is funneling down gutters and the buzz of air conditioners sounds like mechanical flies all around me.
“Daddy?”
I know it’s not my imagination this time. The voice is echoing up through the light well behind me.
“Daddy, help me.”
I walk over to the light well and lean against the rails and force myself to look down. A small amount of light comes through some of the windows. A night light, a few televisions.
I can’t see the bottom though.
“Daddy, help me…”
I feel a strange draw to the bottom. I see an image in my head of myself climbing over the rails and jumping down to whatever is below. I shake my head and feel like I’m going to puke.
Heights mess with my brain.
One last drag and then as I walk back inside, I hear it one last time.
“I’m down here…”
-
When the elevator doors open, I can see the evacuation plan on the wall in front of me along with a placard that gives directions on how to get to which unit on the fourth floor.
I walk straight to our apartment this time.
Jenkins is back in his spot, watching the front door.
Helen is still sleeping.
As I lay down, I hear the voice from the light well again.
I know the voice.
It’s the voice of the boy that took our little girl.
-
“Hey… hey…” I feel her running her fingers through my hair. I open my eyes and she has a cup of coffee in her hand. “How did you sleep?”
“Um… ok.”
“When did you buy the coffee?”
“I went for a walk last night. I just had a dream and I needed to take a walk.”
“I had to wake you up. Put your clothes on real quick. You need to see this.”
-
“I know you’re tired, but I was just up here, and I wanted to share this with you.” We go up onto the roof. It’s still dark, but the sun is beginning to rise. We walk past the light well and over to the edge of the roof. “Look.”
She points over toward the sunrise. The spire of the cathedral is a silhouette. Crows are everywhere.
“Beautiful.”
“I thought so.” She holds up her coffee cup. “To leaving everything behind.”
“To starting something new.” I raise my cup.
We watch the sunrise. I notice that every building and every billboard around is teeming with crows. Every building but ours.
I don’t hear the voice anymore, but there’s a scratching sound coming from the light well.
Something’s not right, but I don’t say anything. She’s happy. I haven’t seen her smile this much in a long time.
Let it go Stephen. Be her husband again.
-
“God, it’s quiet in here.”
“Yeah. I haven’t run into a single person except for the lobby.” The elevator in the middle opens and we get inside.
“You wanna go walk down to the river?”
“I’d love to.”
“After that, we’ve got to run to the store. We’ve got nothing to eat.”
The elevator stops and goes dark.
“Um… okay.”
“Don’t worry, it happened to me last night. Just give it a second.” The elevator starts again.
“Well that’s not a good sign is it?”
“It’s an old building. They all have their bugs I guess.”
We stand in silence waiting for the elevator to stop. I look up and notice that the screen is frozen on “5”.
“How long does it take to go down?”
“I don’t know. Why does the floor say five?” We keep going down. The elevator isn’t stopping.
“What’s going on? Did this happen last night?”
“No.” I push the alarm button, but nothing happens. I push all the buttons, but we still keep going down.
“Seriously Stephen, what the hell?”
“I don’t know.”
The elevator goes down and down.
“Okay, I’m getting freaked out.” She takes the cellphone out of her pocket and shakes her head.
“What?”
“I have no service!” I reach for my phone, but as I pull it out of my pocket, something crashes down on the top of the elevator.
“Shit!”
The elevator stops. The doors open, and I’m met with a familiar sight.
I can see the evacuation plan on the wall in front of me along with a placard that gives directions on how to get to which unit on the fifth floor.
I feel a sharp pain on my left arm as my flesh is twisted against itself. Helen’s finger tips go white as she pinches me and I spill what’s left of my coffee.
“Ahh! Hey! What the hell?!”
“I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.”
“I don’t think it works that way.”
“Seriously, what is going on?” We step out of the elevator and it closes behind us.
“How are we on the fifth?”
“I don’t know.”
“You felt it going down, right?”
“I thought I did.”
“The elevator obviously needs some attention. We won’t be using the one in the middle again.”
“I’m not using either of them. Let’s use the stairs.”
We go to the stairway and walk down. We open the door to the first floor and walk down the long hall toward the lobby.
“Stephen?” I turn to her voice. She’s pointing at one of the doors next to her.
214
We’re on the second floor. She’s worried now and so am I.
“We got off on the first floor.”
“I swear we did, yeah. Let’s go back.”
Down another flight of stairs. The placard next to the door says FIRST FLOOR. There’s another sign that says BASEMENT and the stairs continue downward. We walk through the door.
We turn a corner and there’s another long hallway.
According to the numbers on the doors, we’re on the third floor.
-
We’ve been walking for hours.
Hours.
We couldn’t find the door to the stairs, nor have we been able to find the elevators. Around every corner, it’s the same thing; a long hall with tall doors on either side. I haven’t said anything to Helen, but I swear that the halls are getting longer.
We’ve tried knocking on doors. I’ve tried forcing my way into doors. We’ve no service on our phones.
Nothing.
I finally stop and sit on the floor with my back up against the wall, she does the same. She lights a cigarette.
“Really?”
“Why the hell not? We’ve been yelling down these halls and nobody has answered. Do you really think it matters if I smoke?”
“Fair enough.”
We both smoke.
“There’s a rational explanation for this…right?” Her eyes are pleading. I have to think of something to say that even comes close to making sense.
“I… the elevator stopped working, yeah? The lights went out and it stopped.”
“Yeah.”
“Then it went down for God knows how long.”
“Too long.”
“I don’t care what the numbers on the doors say, we’re not on the third floor.”
“Stephen? Have you noticed how long the halls are?”
“Yeah.”
“This building isn’t that big” We both look up and down the hallway. It’s easily twice the size it should be.
We sit in silence. I start to watch the smoke drift upwards and I see a sprinkler on the ceiling.
“I have an idea. Come on.”
-
We walk down the long hallway, turn, and down another long hallway. Finally, I round yet another corner and find a lever for the fire alarm. She runs up ahead of me and pulls it.
Nothing.
“Here. Come here.” I kneel down on the floor and she sits on my shoulders. Once I stand up, I hand her a lighter. “The sprinkler on the ceiling. Reach up and light it right underneath it.”
“Ok…shit…Stephen, I don’t know if I can reach that far.”
“Just stretch as far as you can.”
“Ok…ok…” I can feel her straining and I put myself on my tip toes. “Ok, I’m right underneath it…come on…come on! Shit! Why isn’t it working? Ok, let me down.”
“Sshh..”
“Stephen?”
“Shhh. Listen.” I look down the other end of the hallway. We both hear a buzz coming from somewhere far down around the corner we had just come from. Then a loud crash as the door to the apartment at the end of the hall flies inward and open. There are no lights on inside. The buzzing continues.
“Hello? Hello? I don’t know Helen, maybe we should walk down there.”
“Are you nuts?”
“Is there anybody there?!”
Another door down the hall slams open with a bang.
And then another and another.
I kneel back down and she gets off of my shoulders.
“Okay, either I’m in a nightmare, or you are.” Before I can answer her, I hear it coming from the dark room at the end of the hall.
“Daddy? Help me Daddy.”
Helen starts whimpering behind me. I keep my eyes on the darkness while I grasp for her hand behind me. Once I’ve got it, I give it a squeeze.
“Stephen… I’m scared…” Her voice is quiet, and so is mine.
“Baby, we’re going to turn around and run.”
“Where are we going to run?”
“Anywhere. Just away from here.”
We run down the hallway. We don’t look back, but we can hear the doors opening in the distance behind us. “HELP ME DADDY!” The words draw out in a pained scream in that awful voice.
We run and run and run, until we’re both covered in sweat. We round a corner and there in front of us are the three doors to the elevators. I slam my palm against the button and then spin Helen behind me.
I can hear the doors opening from around the corner, and that voice calling out to me. The door in the middle opens up and Helen pulls me backwards.
She hits the button for the ground floor and then keeps tapping the button to make the doors close. The voice is getting closer. Helen is crying and screaming. I’m breathing so hard. My body is getting ready to fight whatever is coming around the corner.
The doors start to close.
I see my reflection in the stainless steel doors as they press together. I see Helen too. We look like tired ghosts. After a moment, the doors open, and I see a placard in front of me. We’re on the fourth floor.
I poke my head out.
Everything seems fine.
I pull her out of the elevator.
We quietly walk down toward our apartment. The door is in front of us. I put my key in the lock.
Jenkins is sitting in the middle of the room watching the door when we come in. He lets out a terrified sound that I’ve never heard him make before. Helen scoops him up and nuzzles him while I lock the door behind us.