And no, that’s not just some weird metaphor for being a lonely kid. I was a sheltered kid- homeschooled, on a farm, nobody else in sight. I guess I liked it; I didn’t really know much else.
I was an exceptionally curious kid. I’d constantly be berating my mom and dad with questions. There was one thing they’d never answer, though. Their life before me. There were no pictures of them, no family photo albums, no evidence they even existed before I was born. Dad said I didn’t need to know, because their lives were complete after they had me, so there was no point revisiting a time where I wasn’t born, because it didn’t matter.
Even though I was practically worshipped by my parents, I was still alone most of the time. I mean, my dad spent all day working on our farm, and my mom had so many chores to do it was only natural. So, I played by myself a lot.
But when I was four, I found myself a playmate.
I was doing my normal thing, playing with my toy cars, when I saw something, out of the corner of my eye. A shadow.
My shadow, I assumed. It was similar to my size, and it was little boy shaped, as was I. But it wasn’t copying me or anything. It was just watching me play.
“What’s that?” It asked, and I jumped back.
“I-it’s just my toy car.” I said, a little taken aback.
“Can I see?”
Slowly, my hand shaking, I handed it to him, but it went right through him as I placed it into his hands.
“Sorry.” I said.
“It’s okay. Hey, what’s your name anyway?” It asked me.
“Evan.”
“That makes no sense, because my name is Evan. You can be Evan 2.”
“Why do I have to be Evan 2?”
He didn’t have an answer for that, so he just kept on talking. “Do you want to know what my favourite toy is?” He asked, and I nodded.
Evan 1 got up and walked to my dresser. It almost looked like he was floating. He pointed to my teddy bear, an old bear I had since I was a baby that I never played with, because it was old and kind of creepy.
“That’s not your toy, it’s my toy.” I said defensively, even though I never even touched it.
“Yeah, it’s my toy. At least, it was my toy.”
And I didn’t really know what he meant by that, so I just kept on playing.
From then on, Evan 1 was my best friend. He’d keep me up at night with all of his stories, and I’d show him all of my toys. I had never had a playmate my own age, and it seemed like he was perfect for me. But one day, I guess we got a little too curious.
Whenever mom and dad weren’t home, Evan 1 and I would sneak around the house, hoping we’d find treasure or dinosaur bones or whatever we liked back then. We usually had no luck, until we looked in mom and dad’s closet.
“Go all the way to the back of it.” Evan 1 said. I always did the majority of the searching, because he could never dig through anything as good as I could.
Once I was at the very back of the closet, I rooted around, looking for something other than my dad’s ties or my mom’s shoes.
“Found something!” I called out. It was a box. “Is it treasure?” I asked.
“Open it, open it, Evan 2!” Evan 1 called out.
It wasn’t what I expected. There were no gold coins or shining rubies like all the TV shows had. It was just a bunch of old photos. They all ranged from 1994 to 1998, the year before I was born.
“There’s my mom.” I pointed out to Evan 1. “She’s pregnant. I wonder why, I wasn’t born until 1999.”
“She’s pregnant with me.” He said. “And that’s my mom, not yours.”
“It is too my mom!” I argued. “And it can’t be yours because I’m an only child.”
“I’m an only child, too.” He said, crossing his shadowy arms. “Whatever. Keep looking.”
I shuffled to the next photo. It was a baby, a newborn baby. But it wasn’t me. It looked kind of scary, like it was deformed. It had a big hole in it’s mouth, what I now recognize as a severe cleft palate, it’s nose was too big for it’s face, and it’s eyes were two different colours. I turned over the picture because it scared me, and there was writing on the back. With was little reading comprehension I had at four, I read it out.
“Evan John Meyers, born April 3rd, 1994.” I said slowly. “Is mentally and c-cognitively? I think that’s what it says.” I stuttered, and Evan 1 nodded. “Is mentally and cognitively normal, but is ugly and deformed at the face. Not our perfect baby.”
Evan 1 stayed quiet for a while. “I’m Evan John Meyers.” He said. “And I was born April 3rd in 1994.”
“Really? Because my name is Evan John Meyers, too, except I was born April 9th in 1999.” I said. I thought it was cool me and my best friend had so much in common.
I put all the photos in the pocket of my overalls. “Don’t worry.” I told Evan 1. “I’ll ask mom and dad about this.”
Mom and dad were not excited to see the pictures. They yelled at me for a bit for snooping, then sent me to my room, where Evan 1 and I listened in on them yelling.
“He was going to find out eventually-“
“He shouldn’t have! This is your fault, for hiding the photos in such a stupid place!-“
“Do you have any idea what will happen to us if anyone finds out that we-“
“Well maybe it’s best they find out, because you did the unforgivable sin of-“
We couldn’t make out everything, but I could tell dad was really mad.
After it had been quiet for a while, dad knocked on my door.
“Hey, champ.” He said, picking me up and sitting me on his lap. “Sorry you had to hear that. Mommy just got very angry.”
“Who’s in the photos?” I said, cutting to the chase.
He sighed. “I guess it’s only fair you know. You see, mommy and I always wanted a baby. A perfect bundle of joy to call our own. A gift from God. And we did. In 1993, mommy got pregnant and not long after she had a baby.”
“Me?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not yet. But as you can see in the photos, our first baby was far from normal. He was ugly. He was not a gift from God. He was a demon sent from hell.” He said. I noticed Evan 1 watching us from behind my dresser. He looked hurt. “Mommy and I tried to raise him, but I couldn’t bare to look at him. And so, when he was four years old, just like you, we did what we had to do. We knew we couldn’t raise a demon like that. So, we figured if we sent him back to God it would be better for all of us.”
“….Did you kill him?” I asked.
Dad ignored the question. “And the next year, we really did get a gift from God. You. We got to start fresh with a new baby, our new family, and we never looked back. I hope you understand.” He kissed my head, and tucked me in.
“Goodnight, Evan. I love you.” He said, but I just turned away.
Evan 1 jumped out.
“Did you hear that? Mom and dad don’t love me. Because I was a demon.” He said. If he had a face we would have been crying.
I didn’t know what to say. Evan 1 and I just sat on my bed, both sobbing. I always wanted a brother, and I guess I had one. But I didn’t ever get to grow up with him.
Suddenly, mom opened my door.
“Evan? I’m making a decision tonight. No matter what happens, I love you. Goodbye.” She said, and slammed the door shut.
I looked at Evan 1. “That was weird.” I said.
And it truly was weird.
That night, lots of police came to my house. They locked me in our living room and put on cartoons for me, as if I couldn’t hear what was happening.
Mom had turned her and dad into the police. She confessed to everything, including where they hid the body.
“Yeah, it’s under the patio outside.” I heard one of the police say to another. “It’s horrible. Unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”
Me and Evan 1 looked at each other.
“I need to go find it, Evan 2.” He said. “I just want my face back.”
Together, and I don’t even know how we did this, we snuck past all the cops and into our patio. It was true, they had dug it up.
It was a skeleton, little boy shaped, just like us. the skull was a little deformed, but it was a child, a gift from God.
It was Evan 1.
I slowly picked up the skull and handed it to him, not expecting him to be able to hold it.
But he did.
And as he picked up more and more of his bones, I could slowly make out more of his face.
He looked just like the baby in the picture. Yes, he was deformed, but I wasn’t scared anymore. He was my brother. I watched as I made out more and more of his figure until he was a full sized little boy.
“I’m finished now!” He said, looking at his hands.
“Yay!” I said. “So now we can be best friends forever, right?”
His face went from a smile to a frown. “Oh. No. I have to go back to God now, remember? Like dad said. I have to go find a new family. Someone who will love me forever, just like they should.”
“But I’ll love you forever, Evan 1! Just stay with me!”
He shook his head. “That’s just not how it works. But I can hug you goodbye now that I’m not a shadow.” He held out his arms.
“Goodbye? But we only just met?” I said, embracing him in a hug.
“Hey, kid!” I heard a cop shout, and he started running towards me.
“Goodbye, Evan 2.” He said as he slowly disappeared. “Until we meet again.”
I bounced around foster care after that. Mom and dad were both in jail. At times I wonder if this was even real, or if it was just some weird dream I had made up after I saw those bones.
But today, as I was walking around town, a little boy with a cleft palate and two different coloured eyes ran up to me and hugged me.
“Hi!” He said.
“Oh hey there little buddy, what’s your name?” I asked as his mom grabbed him.
“My name is Evan 1.” He said, and I stepped back a bit in shock.
His mom laughed. “I think it’s adorable he calls himself that. I don’t even know where he picked that up. Sorry about that.”
“Oh all good. And my name is Evan, too.” I said.
“Did you hear that, honey?” His mom asked, lifting him onto her shoulders. “His name is Evan, too!
“His name is Evan, too? HI Evan 2!” He said, and we all laughed.
“Well, have a good day.” His mom said. “I love you forever, Evan.” She said, and I smiled as Evan waved at me when they were walking away.
Sometimes things really do end up working out for the best.