My dad and brother both passed away within 5 minutes of each other. My dad had a massive heart attack. My mom thought my brother was going outside to wait on the ambulance, but instead, walked outside and killed himself. He was bipolar, so I am sure he just wasn’t thinking things through. I am now left without any siblings to help me with my mom. My mom has been going down hill rapidly since this happened. She is 74 years old. She falls constantly, will not take her medication, and has, in certain ways, become child like. My mom has always suffered from some type of mental illness that she refuses to get any help with. She’s never been able to get along with other people and has always been very combative. This has become too much for me to handle alone.
10 days before this happened, my marriage of 26 years ended. The divorce was final on this day. My husband was trying to groom high school girls and got caught. He also had visited numerous prostitutes. I had no idea any of this was even going on. We had a good sex life: he was loving toward me, and great dad, and this just came out from no where. I even found out he had an affair with our son’s ex girlfriend. Once he got caught, he went insane and was verbally, emotionally and financially abusive. I filed for divorce, got out and was restarting my life without him. The police were involved, but nothing ever came from it. The school is who caught him and they just kind of let it all slide as long as he was banned from the schools. I was glad to be starting over and to be free from him, then my world was turned upside down again.
I do not know how to get through this. It has been a little over 3 months. Everyone was there offering help the first week after my dad and brother died, and now very few people come around to help. They act like what happened to us is contiguous. Everyone expects me to do everything for my mom. I can’t. I have to work full time, I need to grieve, and learn to live with my dad, brother, and grieve the life I no longer have with my ex husband. On top of all of this, very few people know what my husband actually did. I didn’t tell anyone because we have a kid together and I thought it was best not to run out and tell everyone because of our kid. Well, once my husband realized he couldn’t control me, he decided to control what everyone thought of me. His family meant the world to me. They all hate me now because he told them lies about me that simply are not true. It’s heartbreaking that they believe this, but I honestly do not have the energy to fight this now.
When I do try to help my mom, she makes things so hard. She argues with me about her medicine, her declining health, getting therapy, going to the doctor, or if the sky is blue. It’s awful. I can’t do this alone. I got therapy and was told that it’s been 2 months, I should be doing better now and to call if I need them. I didn’t even know what to say. My employer has been terrible. I got 5 days off for this. I have had to use almost all of my vacation time just to take care of my mom. My boss didn’t call, text or anything. I’ve been with this company for 5 years. Instead, one of my supervisors told me that everyone is stressed. This is more than stress.
I don’t even have time to grieve, I have no energy to clean, and I’m mentally exhausted. I don’t know where to even begin to get help for my mom. Especially since when I try, she argues with the very few people that have tried to help, and then tells me I can do it instead. I can’t do it. I need help. People have offered to bring her food, and she turns them down. Offers to clean her house and she turns them down. Do you know how much easier my life would be if someone just brought me a meal or cleaned my house? Just one time? Then people will call me and tell me I better get down there and take care of my mother. She needs me. I live 30 minutes away and I can’t quit my job to take care of her 24/7.
She also has pretty much told me that she wishes I would have died instead of my dad and brother. I don’t even know how to respond to this. I’m tired, people. So tired. I don’t know what to do to get help. I live in the Southern United States and there is not much social services help. I need help. Serious help. For myself, my mother and honestly my son. My son had to clean up the mess my brother left behind after killing himself. Why? Nobody does that here. It’s just left for the families to deal with.
This is all getting to be too much to deal with and I don’t understand why everyone thinks I should do it all. I can’t. I’m grieving too. I don’t even know why I posted this here, but I really do need help and someone to talk to. It’s just all too much. Also, my mom will talk about nothing but that night abs how they all looked. I don’t want, or need to even know this. I’m ready to talk about happier times. I have life to live and cannot continue living it like this. Please, somebody help me. That’s all I need.