TW/Animal Abuse
After seven years, I was still disgusted. I waited for my dad to call me to do the dreaded chore. I sighed, as I lay in bed and halfheartedly played with my phone. He was preparing a concoction that had such vile ingredients it was done in the basement. On the floor of my bedroom, Bella and Barney, our Australian Sheep Dogs stretched out, panting softly.
A text message interrupted my scrolling.
It’s ready, meet me in the kitchen.
I pocketed my phone and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Bella and Barney got up and followed me downstairs. I entered the kitchen where my father waited for me, his mask pulled down below his chin, big orange safety gloves on his hands, holding a large bottle used to feed young livestock. He reached out and handed it to me. I took it, my face closed and resigned. He snorted at my expression.
“It’s almost time,” he said. “Don’t look so glum.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “But only until the next cycle starts.”
I walked to the door, and a sudden thought made me stop. I turned to look at my dad, who was removing his mask and gloves and putting them in the sink.
“Couldn’t we find a way to end it?” I asked.
“Audrey,” he replied. “I think if there was a way to make it stop for good, they would have done it. This is the only way.”
I nodded, the end of my mouth quirking in a half smile. I should have expected that answer, but it was hard to accept it. This will always be my life. Someday it will be my sole responsibility. I walked out into the cool September night, Bella and Barney padding softly behind me. We approached the barn, and I opened the door. There was the sound of a soft and sickly bleat. I stepped inside, but my faithful dogs waited outside. Even they were disturbed.
I flicked on a light and went to the stall where the unnerving sound came from. I opened the door, and approached the animal, my stomach queasy. The lamb looked bloated, its curly coat giving off a greenish sheen. Its eyes were nearly colorless, and it struggled to stay on its feet. I approached the animal, and put one arm around its head, steadying it. Then I took the bottle of formula and shoved it into the animal’s mouth. It was too weak to struggle as I made sure it drank every drop.
When I was finished and closed the door to the barn, the dogs fell into step with me. We were halfway back to the house, when they both stopped, looking past the fields of our farm towards the forest edge. They started growling, a low vibration that made me halt in my tracks. I looked out, towards the forbidding darkness of the forest. I could not see anything in its inky depths. But my stomach was gripped with fear.
“Bella, Barney,” I said. “Let’s go.”
Hackles raised, they started snarling and then barking furiously they ran off towards the forest. I stood there, mouth agape for a few minutes and watched them disappear. I felt a thrill of fear go through me. They had never acted like this before; they were gentle herders of our flock of sheep. I tried in vain to call them back, then gave up and went back to the house, my footsteps an echo of trepidation.
“Dad!” I cried as the door slammed behind me. “Bella and Barney – they ran after something in the forest!”
My father got up from where he sat reading in the living room and came over to me, mouth set in a firm line.
“The forest?” He said, “It’s not time….we are on schedule. Maybe it was a rabbit or something.”
“No, you don’t understand,” I said in exasperation, my hand to my head. “They were growling, it’s like they were afraid of something – but then they just ran off barking. I could not get them to come back!”
My father went outside and scanned the area. He tried calling them, moving further away from the house. I waited and watched, wringing my hands, and biting my lower lip. Our dogs never ventured into the forest; I believe they could feel the malevolence of the place in there that was our family’s responsibility to keep at bay for over a hundred years. What if….my stomach clenched as my mind spun with horrible thoughts. After twenty minutes my father returned.
“What will we do?” I spoke. “What if…the thing got them.”
“Maybe they saw a coyote,” my dad replied. “Don’t worry, they will come back.”
He walked up to me, and gently tilted my face up to look at him. Eyes wide he gave me a smile of encouragement. I am sure I did not look convinced. He took me in a hug, and the side of my face pressed into his shoulder. His flannel shirt smelled faintly of pine and mint, and his body warmth was soothing. Then he let me go.
“Go get some sleep,” he said. “We can go out in the morning and look for them if they don’t come back. I’ll stay up a few more hours.”
I nodded, heading for the stairs, and glanced out the door briefly as I passed it. Bella and Barney always slept on the floor near my bed, for nine years out of my seventeen. I have no siblings, and my mother died when I was eight. I climbed into bed, feeling the emptiness in my room without them with me. I slept fitfully, pulling the blankets tighter around me as fearful dreams of my dogs being torn apart by the malevolence in the forest plagued me.
I woke in the morning with the sheets all twisted around me. I was groggily untangling myself when I heard scratching on the screen door downstairs. I stumbled quickly out of bed and pounded down the stairs. Opening the door, Bella and Barney came in, tails wagging. They licked my hands, as I felt all my muscles release from pent up tension, my insides trembling from relief. They went to the kitchen and drank from their water bowls then padded into the living room and flopped down on the rug in front of the fireplace. They put their heads down, and closed their eyes, breathing big, exhausted sighs.
My father walked into the kitchen and smiled when he saw our dogs snoring softly.
“See?” My father said. “I told you they would be back. The sheep will be fine in the paddock today. You can let them out with Bella and Barney when you get back from school.”
While I was getting ready, my father made breakfast. After we ate, he drove me to the school bus stop, which was five miles away from our remote farm. I waived goodbye to him as he headed to the city for his construction job.
“Hey Audrey,” said a lanky boy, with a mop of curly brown hair as he walked up to wait with me.
“Hey Martin,” I replied.
He looked at me intently for a moment. I felt my face heat up.
“Do I look that awful?”
Martin shrugged. “You look like something the cat dragged in.”
I bopped him on the shoulder. “I had a bad night sleep.”
The bus pulled up with a squeak and a huff, and we got in.
During fourth period English, I was busy writing an essay when the vice principal walked in and whispered to my teacher. I noticed it vaguely, trying to finish my work. Then he was standing at my desk. This felt weird…
“Audrey, can you come with me back to the office?” the vice principal said.
I looked up, glanced over at my teacher whose face looked pale and concerned. She nodded and waived her hand for me to go.
“Sure,” I said.
We walked into his office, and he gestured for me to take a seat in front of his desk.
“Your father’s jobsite called us,” he said gravely. “There’s been an accident…”
A shock went through me, and I grabbed the chair’s armrests as I felt my body tremble and bile rise in my throat.
“Is he okay?” I gasped.
“He’s been transported to the hospital,” the vice principal said, his face grave. “I talked to your teachers. Get your things we called an Uber to take you to him.”
I nodded, my head feeling light, and nausea rising. I tried to stand up, but lost my balance. The vice principal reached across the desk and steadied me. I looked up at him gratefully and left the room to go to my locker. The bell rang, and kids started to nosily fill the hallways. In a daze, I bumped into someone.
“Watch out there, Audrey!” said Martin as my shoulder met his chest.
I stumbled backwards, and he gently grabbed my arms so I would not fall. “Hey, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said. “What’s wrong?”
“M-my father…” I stammered. “He’s been in an accident at work. I have to go to the hospital.”
Martin’s eyes widened, his mouth slightly opening. Then his eyebrows lowered in concern.
“Oh god, I am so sorry,” he said. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” I said, as I remembered my dogs. “Can you ride your bike over to my house after school? I will give you the house key. Please let Bella and Barney out, they have been in all day.”
He nodded, then followed me to my locker. I got my backpack and fished out the key. He took it from me and gave me a quick hug. I felt the contact settle my fluttering heart a bit. Then I made my way to the front steps of the school. A few minutes later I was in the backseat of an Uber, on my way to the hospital. The ride felt surreal, and the beating of my heart filled my ears. I could not feel the passage of time, it felt interminable as my head filled with fearful thoughts.
Finally, the Uber stopped, in front of the large grey and white, sprawling complex of Memorial Hospital. I got out and went inside to the front desk.
“I’m here to see Leonard Klein,” I told the woman who looked up to me from her computer.
“And you are?” she said.
“Audrey Klein, his daughter.”
She gave me a sign-in sheet and started typing on her computer. “He’s in ICU, 3rd floor.”
I gulped, a tremor going through me. Then I nodded and headed to the elevator.
On the 3rd floor, a nurse brought me over to a curtained off area. “He’s stable for now,” she said. “But he needs to rest.”
The curtain swished open, and I gasped, tears clouding my vision at what I saw. My dad lay in the hospital bed, his right leg and arm in a cast. His head was swaddled in heavy bandages, and his face was puffy and purple.
“Dad, I’m here,” I said, the words coming out with a squeak.
His eyes cracked open and darted over to where I stood. I walked over to him and rested my hand on the arm without the cast.
“Audrey,” he whispered. “I need to tell you something important.”
“Can it wait?” I said. “Maybe you should not be talking, the nurse said you need to rest.”
“No, it can’t,” he said softly. “Get my keys from my jacket pocket, I think they left my clothes here somewhere.”
My eyes darted quickly around the curtained off space, and found his clothes on a chair, his beige jacket folded on top. I grabbed his ring of keys in a side pocket and brought them over to him.
“You see the silver key stamped with an S?” he said.
I fumbled with the keys in my hands, until I found the one matching his description. I showed it to him.
“Yes, that’s the one,” he said. “Take it with you. There is a safe in the back of my bedroom closet, if anything happens to me it is important that you open it. Everything important is in there.”
“Okay,” I replied. “But I won’t have to open it – you will be alright!” I could not in a million years bring myself to accept otherwise. But he did not answer, his eyes closed, and his breathing deepened.
“Dad!” I cried.
The nurse poked her head in. “He’s on a lot of painkillers,” she said. “They knock people out. Time to let him rest.”
I nodded, my lower lip trembling, and wiped the tear that fell from my left eye with the back of my hand. I made my way down to the front desk, where I made sure they had my cell number and they said they would call me with updates on his condition. Then I ordered an Uber to take me home.
On the ride back, I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach, squeezing hard. An occasional shiver would go through me, as my mind raced on my father’s words. I could not get the memory of him in that hospital bed out of my mind, and I kept fighting off the dread by whispering to myself that he would be okay over and over again.
As we got nearer to my family farm, I called Martin.
“Audrey,” Martin said. “How’s your dad?”
“He’s in ICU, doped up on painkillers,” I replied. “Broken bones, and a head injury.”
“Damn,” Martin said. “You going to be okay alone?”
“Yes,” I said, although my feelings of trepidation did not bely my words. “Were you able to let Bella and Barney out?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “They were okay, but probably needed to piss really bad. You need me to meet you there with the key?”
“I have my dad’s key,” I said. “Thanks.”
“Well, just call me if you need anything.”
As we got off the phone, I could see the farm in the distance, as the setting sun sent its last rays over the tops of the surrounding woods. The car dropped me off and turned around as I made my way down the dirt driveway that leads up to my house.
“Bella, Barney!” I called. “Hey guys, I’m home!”
I kept calling as I got closer and scanned the area. They usually did not stray that far, and if they were shepherding our flock of sheep, they would be bringing them in, and I could see them coming down the gentle slope of the fields. My voice caught in my throat as I remembered their mysterious disappearance the previous night. I broke into a run, my calls turning into shrieks.
I raced around the house then over towards the barn and sheep pen. A foul smell made me almost choke. Rounding the barn, I cried out, my hands shooting up to my mouth. There was no movement in the sheep pen. It was a sea of bloody bodies, they were all on the ground, their throats slit. I fell to my knees and screamed. I felt like my scream filled the world. But not even that sound brought Bella and Barney back. They were gone….