My husband is very beautiful. However so am I. You could say we are the golden couple. That is we were, until certain something happened. I think all of this begun on that faithful day when I asked my husband a very simple question.
“Hey what are you looking at? Maybe you want to try it out to?”
I smiled at my husband who I noticed was staring at me while I was coloring my nails. We had been married for a year and knew each other for a few months before that. He liked staring at me a lot, honestly that is the one of the reasons I fell for him, the fascination that he had in his eyes always made me feel special. At that moment I remember I was putting on some light pink nail polish on my fingers.
“It actually looks really fun, I just think I would look really silly in that.”
He blushed and smiled at me. However I started to feel a bit mischievous, teasing my husband always was one of the main pleasures in our relationships, he was a bit shy and very fun to tease.
“Come on now! I’ll choose a more manly color, I think black would really suit your pale fingers.”
“Okay black doesn’t seem that bad”
I felt really content that I managed to trick him into it, he seemed like he was giving up. Next thing I knew I had his fingers in my hands and I was putting the polish all over his fingers. He had really small hands for a man, I really found them attractive.
“Wow it almost looks like girl’s hands now” I teased him as I put the pink nail polish instead of black as a last minute change.
He didn’t say anything he just kept on blushing, his hands were even a bit shaky.
“Wow it’s really… nice.. actually!”
He looked fascinated by his fingers, he looked at them almost the same way he used to look at me. That’s when I got another mischievous idea.
“hey how about I give you a full on make up?”
“Come on now! you’re taking it too far..”
“just a little! promise nothing too fancy!”
In the end he gave in. It was a lot of fun for me actually, my husband had very beautiful features and it was really easy to make him look a bit more girly, I used dark shadow for his light blue eyes, he had long blond hair and it also resonated well with the highlight I added to his skin, I couldn’t help but laugh when I finished up putting foundation on him, he looked like a doll.
My husband’s reaction was very weird, as he looked in the mirror, he seemed a bit amused and just stood there.
“What is it? Could it be you like her more than me?”)
“Don’t be silly, it’s just I actually look really comfortable.”
I was taken a back, I really did not know how to react to that. It was just that I did not expact him to say that so suddenly.
“Well, I think you look lovely too.” That was all I could managed to let out.
“Sorry I’m really being silly, I hope you don’t think I’m weird now,” He laughed awkwardly.
“No it’s okay I started this whole thing anyways. let me just remove all of that off of you!”
All of this really left a weird taste in my mouth as I removed the make up he looked at me and said:
“Hey would you mind if you don’t remove the nail polish? I kind of like it.”
“Are you sure it’s a good idea? you have work today?”
“it should be fine, most of the people working there are pretty chill, we’re all young adults anyways so no one’s going to be awkward about it.”
I thought nothing of it. I had quite a busy day at work myself so I didn’t have much time to think about my husband’s preferences, when I came home, he did seem much more happy and confident, he even mentioned that he got some compliments.
That’s when it started, step-by-step he started using my foundation, then mascara, he kept on keeping his make up very light, so that people wouldn’t really notice. I also kept on noticing my other make up being misplaced, it was becoming clear day by day. His fascination was much deeper with this whole thing than I thought.
However it all started to make sense when I returned once early from work and there he was, sitting in front of the mirror with full on make up, in one of my dresses looking at himself with such fascination and admiration that I couldn’t help but freeze in place. Moment he saw my reflection in the mirror, his expression changed completely. As if he was full of terror frozen in place. As odd as it sounds, I did not feel bad, on the contrary, he felt very attractive to me. I didn’t say a word, just approached and tried to kiss him. He kissed back. And it all ended up being on of the best nights we have ever had. He was much more daring, confident. Up until now I had always felt that he was holding back, but that night I realized that this was my true husband.
Overall it was a complicated journey, my husband did not feel confident enough to express herself fully in the broad daylight. That’s why she kept on wearing man’s cloths during the day, however at home she could experiment with me. Until one day I finally had an idea:
“How about I dress you up and we can to the club as girls, how about that? no one will really realize anything and most likely nobody will recognize us anyway!”
“I don’t know if I’m ready..” He seemed scared.
“Come on this will be the perfect opportunity! Plus you’re so skinny and not that tall, nobody will even notice, you can finally be you, wouldn’t that be awesome?”
She looked like she was being torn apart, but I could tell my husband really wanted to try this out. So it took me a good hour to convince her to go. I dressed her up in one of my dresses, put make up on her, my husband’s hair had grown pretty long so that was an advantage as well. In dim light you would never known that biologically she was a man. I could see it in her eyes that she was really excited and I really wanted to give her that experience.
We took a cab to the club. My husband had a hard time walking in her heels, I was supporting her while we got in the cab.
“And where are you two pretty ladies going?”
Were the drivers first words. My husband flinched next to me. I could tell she was very happy by this little comment, her cheecks went red and it made me so happy to finally see her comfortable in her skin.
However real fun started when we got into the club. Random men were checking us out, I knew my husband was feeling their gaze as well, she looked so confident and happy, I had never seen her like that, we drank and danced. I could feel this was the best night in her life.
“Hey can I get your number?”
That’s when a guy approached us.
“I mean both of you are really pretty, but I want to ask you?”
He was looking directly at me, I just brushed him off and went for my husband. I could tell he was getting jealous. His gaze was becoming cold.
“Hey are you okay?”
“yeah it’s okay I’ll get more drinks.”
I felt uncomfortable. As if this little interaction ruined his mood. I just went along with drinking. It wasn’t long till I felt really drunk. I could barely stand on my two feed, I was just leaning on my husband too much. I had black outs here and there. Just remember driving in the cab and feeling really nausaus.
“This is so unfair!”
My husband’s voice reached to me from afar.
“Hey you! I’m talking to you! Aren’t you going to answer now?”
A sharp pain at my neck forced me back to reality. I was in shock. I could barely feel my legs and arms, I could see my husband’s face, furious he was digging his fingers deep in my throat, I had never seen him that.
“Your…hurting…me…” I could faintly make out that we were in our house.
“Every day I put up with your shit and for what? why does it always has to be you?”
I tried to let out a sound, but his fingers were gripping my throat, I couldn’t say a word, I could barely catch my breath.
“Tell me how is fair, that I worked so hard to look good today, but everyone still looks at you! Why does it always has to be you?”
He wekened his grip, I could not understand what was going on, I was still feeling very lightheaded.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Just tell me how is it fair that I have to work so hard to look good, but you’re still the one that everyone notices, likes and stares at, how do you do this so easily, how is it fair?”
“I don’t understand…”
“I know what I should do… I’ll just make you look ugly, so that you can see what it’s like when nobody notices you..”
Her eyes were shining in a very strange and morbid way. I could feel my heartbeat rising, as my husband brought a knife at my face, she looked so different, I didn’t even know she could make this expression. He put the knife at my eye and mumbled:
“Maybe I should take one of your eyes. or give you a big scar on your face, maybe then you will see what it is like for everyone to look at somebody else and not you, maybe then you can finally understand me….”
“Why are you saying that, don’t you love me?”
“Love?” she laughes hysterically. “how can I love you when you take all the spotlight for yourself, when I have to work so hard just to look like a girl and you have it so easy, I hate you! I will make sure that you also feel what it’s like!”
That’s when I blacked out. I remember waking up and medics being at my head. my face felt like a mass. I had a huge cut from eye to my lip, thankfully, they were able to save my eye, however the scar is so big that it takes me hours to cover it with foundation. My husband is nowhere to be found. However everyday when I stand in front of the mirror and put make up on my scar, I keep on seeing het in the mirror, it’s as if I’m him trying to look prettier, more beautiful, maybe this is what it she felt and I can’t feel but feel the mixed pain of fear and horror. That she is still out there.