I really don’t know how to explain this mess I’ve gotten myself into. But I will try my best.
I’ve been with Daniel for almost two years and last week, I realised that Daniel doesn’t give me what I need and that someone else can. I’ve never been one to give up on a relationship after it starts to get to that comfortable stage where you don’t really bother with each other. I guess I got used to this. He would get up and go to work, I would follow shortly after and he’d arrive home and entertain himself, we hardly spent time together and I have to admit I found myself settling with that. It has been about 6 months of this cold relationship feeling. But I never questioned it. Until last week.
Two weeks ago, Daniel switched to the morning shift. He would come home by 5pm and I found that he was going to sleep by about 9pm. I’m usually fast asleep much before Daniel, I can sleep for hours in a day and it doesn’t bother me. He needs sleep structures- so usually he stays awake longer than me. The first couple of nights, I scrolled on TikTok whilst I heard him speak in his sleep- most of the time just him talking out loud about what he’s dreaming about. I did realise though, that the longer I would listen to him in his sleep, the more he would talk and the stranger the conversations would get.
Monday was a game changer for me, he was in bed by 8pm. I climbed in next to him but still scrolled on my phone. It hit 9pm and he said something that terrified me.
“How was your day at work”
Now this might not seem so terrifying to you, but even though he said this- Daniel was asleep. And it wasn’t his voice. It scared the living daylights out of me, so I took myself to the spare bedroom and made myself comfortable in there. When Daniel woke up, he didn’t question why I had left the bed. He just brushed it off.
I went about my normal routine on Tuesday, even getting into bed with Daniel. I thought I’d imagined it. But like clockwork, after an hour of Daniel being asleep the voice spoke again.
“I’m sorry I scared you yesterday” in that same deep guttural voice.
I was frozen. “Uh.. go back to sleep” I choked.
“I’m not him” it said
I was so terrified, I wanted to get out of bed and run. But part of me was intrigued. I sat up, shone my phone screen at Daniel’s face and he was asleep. I must be imagining him speaking. Only, I wasn’t.
“I watch how he behaves with you. He takes you for granted. I would never do that to you, you’re out of his league”
Daniel raised his hand and touched my face. I shuddered, looking at his eyes- he was still fast asleep.
“You don’t need to be afraid of me, I can give you the love you want and you never have to leave Daniel”
Like I said, I don’t like leaving. So I thought this was the better option, I can still have Daniel but I can also be happy. It was a no brainier in my head- but it’s almost like I quite literally didn’t use my brain to think about this.
I got to know the nighttime Daniel. He was kind, compassionate, loving and really listened to me when I had problems. He also explained that he is there when Daniel is awake- he just cannot talk. Only observe. Sometimes when Daniel and I would argue, I would talk to nighttime Daniel and he would tell me that daytime Daniel was being abusive. I don’t know if nighttime Daniel was being manipulative or if I genuinely believed that Daniel was truly abusive to me, but I started to realise this.
I found myself looking forward to spending time with nighttime Daniel- I’d even rush daytime Daniel off to bed. Sometimes it would take hours for him to sleep, sometimes only minutes. But I always looked forward to it. It was difficult because Daniel would only sleep when he NEEDED to- and I found myself wanting to do things with nighttime Daniel. Relationship things, like dates and movie nights and just the normal stuff couples do.
“Why don’t you drug him on his weekend off?” The voice said, “then we can have a proper weekend together”.
Bare in mind, I had been getting to know nighttime Daniel for about 9 months now. He was keeping me happy and in this relationship. I was so happy that someone FINALLY loved me this way again. Nighttime Daniel made it clear that he loved me. So I agreed.
The plan was set in action- I would put a hefty chunk of sleeping pills in his drinks and food on Friday, when he awoke on Saturday I would just feed him more pills hidden in food. I know this is illegal, but I didn’t think it would harm anyone. How I was so wrong.
The weekend was fantastic. Nighttime Daniel and I went on so many dates, we had meals, we went bungee jumping, we went to the park. He even bought me flowers every time the date was over and it was time to go home. The lucky thing for me was that the only difference between both Daniels was that daytime Daniel often had his eyes closed and had a more human-like voice. Nighttime Daniel just wore sunglasses and he seemed to fit in as a functioning member of society. Our last date on Sunday was the best of all. We went bowling and then to the cinema. And then afterwards nighttime Daniel drove me in the car to my mothers grave. I didn’t know how he knew about her- nor where she was buried, but I didn’t care. I was with my mother and someone I loved. That evening went so well with nighttime Daniel that I forgot about daytime Daniel. When we got home, Daniel wanted to take our relationship further, I didn’t consider it cheating because It was TECHNICALLY Daniel still. So I allowed it to happen. It was blissful. I have never felt anything quite like it in my entire life- my entire body felt amazing. It was intoxicating and I wanted to feel this all of the time. I never was intimate with daytime Daniel and he was never this good. This was just an “inhuman” level of good, I felt like I was on cloud 9 all night.
It was amazing, BUT amidst all of my feelings I didn’t think about asking Daniel to wear a condom. (Daytime Daniel and I were always protected when we did things like this. He didn’t want a baby). I let it happen and I felt so euphoric that when we were finished, I fell straight to sleep.
Weeks passed and nighttime Daniel had not returned. I waited and waited for him. I started to feel unimaginably sad and this made me get angry at the real Daniel. He’d often point out that I was being irrational and hormonal. I didn’t think I was, until I took a pregnancy test. I was pregnant.