He calls to me in the middle of the night, cutting through my dreams, rendering me helpless to his influence. How do you separate your pain from your mind? A lobotomy seems a bit too drastic and being dependent on pills is also a bit much to be on for life. So, he came to me instead, in my dreams.
I could have sworn I felt eyes on me the other day when I was on my way home. I looked around but there was no one there. Is this what going mad feels like?
I put everything in a box within my mind and leave it there to hopefully rot and be forgotten. But my subconscious, or my dark passenger, collects them to use when my awakened state rests. My lucid dreams have been bleeding into my everyday life. My job is being affected. MY dark circles only become darker than the night sky with zero stars.
Even the devil can be a gentleman. My dark passenger only asks for something once a month. It only depends on how rough the month has been. The kindness that he brings to me comes at a price of course. Nothing is free and my first experience was traumatic and yet exhilarating.
Maybe I’ve become addicted to the comfort that it brings me. The pain is gone. I am but a mere human, so my time here is not only short, and the consequences matter not to me. What’s done is done.
We were born alone, and we die alone. Our journey here is all about choices. Some choices were made for me, and things done TO me. Why should I hold back when I was a victim at one time. I mind my own business, until a problem is brought to me. Then, he takes over and I am in a certain stasis. A good thing is that I have a choice to be able to see or not see the aftermath. The blood on my hands, may be mine or another’s, except it wasn’t my actions, but my silent dark passenger’s.
They all deserved it or had it coming. That’s my justification and he knows it. He comforts me in my dreams, making sure that I remember what they did. Why they deserved it. The only way I can forget, or try to is alcohol.
I made the mistake of drinking too much yesterday. It all hit me all at once. My subconscious came to light and the panic set in. But before I was able to end it all, a manifestation or entity bust through the door- well the door in which my bathroom mirror only shown. My wrist was then grasped by the invisible force and the jagged stem of the wine glass barely pierced my neck, causing a mini scrape. The object was forcibly jerked out of my hand and shattered against the tile walls.
My eyes widened at the realization that I was no longer in charge of my own body. I look around frantically but see an empty room, a shattered wine glass at my feet and spilled wine on the floor. Paralyzed, I look back up to the mirror and behind me, I see him. I look back behind me but again, I am alone.
What the fuck is going on?! I look at the mirror once more, but the vision of the man who stopped my attempt is gone. It’s finally caught up with me and I am FUCKED.. Nothing I can do now, right? MY dark passenger is no longer silent, and he won’t let me go. I must live with this knowledge of everything he/I have done. The only thing is, I am losing more time. My dreams are becoming longer and are no longer comforting. There is no escaping me.
After weeks of my friend Ren bugging me to hang out, I finally give in and go to a concert the next day. The place was packed and I was starting to loosen up and enjoy myself.
My eyes gravitate towards a figure about 7 feet tall who was facing me within the crowd that resembles the person I saw through my bathroom mirror. I only had a glance, but I knew it was him. The tall man then turned to leave the venue. I look back at my friend, who was singing along with the band, and told him that I had to go.
I ran out of the venue leaving my coat behind, which had my phone in one of the pockets. I couldn’t lose this guy. I turn a corner into an alley and there he was. Tall and built like a Viking straight out of the Norse mythology stories I read as a child.
He smiles at me, and I look around dumbstruck at the fact that no one else notices this god like beast of a man. I am frozen to the ground, and he starts to head my way. My eyes widen once more, yet I feel slightly comforted by his smile, until I look into his eyes. It was void of any emotion that I recognized. It was more like a rabid animal. Like looking into the abyss of a blackhole. OR was it a wormhole.
HE finally reaches a foot in front of me and bends down to meet my gaze. I see madness and my head instantly starts pounding. All I can do is close my eyes and hold my head. IT only makes the pain worse, and I look back up only to see an empty alley.
There were a few people that were drunk and stumbling by. One concerned passerby asked if I needed any help. I wave them off and head back to the venue only to see my friend, confused, holding my coat in one hand and his in the other.
I sheepishly smile trying not to give away that I was terrified or losing it completely and stride towards him reaching out to grab my belongings. I apologize instantly but he only smirks, nodding towards an uber that he had ordered for me. Ren tells me that he knew I wasn’t really up for going out and was low on cash. I thanked him and took that car straight home.
I texted him that I made it back safe and told him that my migraines were coming back and that I’ll reach out to him when I feel better. He understood and bid me a farewell.
What the hell is happening to me. I reached into the pocket of my jacket and felt something hard. I take out a cigar shaped plastic container and inside was a good-sized joint, that was left by my friend. I was surprised I didn’t smell it in the car. Maybe that’s why the cabby looked at me funny and gave me a smirk as I left his car. I couldn’t help but smile.
“You sneaky bastard”, I say under my breath.
I looked past my couch and into the mirror in my bathroom. I shuddered at the thought of seeing that man again. I looked back down at the small joint and wondered if this would help or make things worse. Only one way to find out…
I wake up needing to relieve myself so I head towards the bathroom. As I’m washing my hands I look through the mirror and see a pile in the middle of my living room floor. I turn around to a living room that was pitch black and notice a heap of something on the floor. It looked like my dirty laundry at first, but once I squint and get used to the darkness, I realize it was a pile body parts. I also see something round that has what looks like Ren’s hairstyle on it.
My heart sinks and stomach turns. I feel weightless as if on an elevator dropping at top speed. I shut my eyes tight and try to wish whatever I was experiencing away.
“Not Ren! Please, please stop this!”, I yell out into the darkness.
I then open my eyes and there my dark passenger was again. A smile that did not reach his eyes, reaching out for me to take his hand. I hunch over and dry heave instead, passing out shortly after for what seems like an eternity.
I woke up in a daze and slightly groggy on my couch, fully clothed yet no shoes or socks, jaw sore and hands all cut up… I frantically look around my studio apartment for the pile of body parts and felt a bit of relief when I didn’t find any.
‘Was that just a nightmare?’, I thought to myself.
There was also a nasty aftertaste lingering in my mouth that reminded me of copper pennies.. I ran to the bathroom mirror and examined my mouth, spitting out what looked like bloody mucus.
Fuck, what did I do? I immediately text Ren and anxiously wait for his reply.
Monday is coming around again, and I can’t shake this sinking feeling of absolute dread. Like I’ve done something unforgivable. Even in my own standards. But I just tell myself that I must push through the workday.
Tuesday is a holiday and I’ll be able to recoup a bit. Maybe take the day after that to do some research on what this entity might be.