I have endured so much since that fateful night. My son- he has done so much, hurt so many people, and part of me feels it is my fault. This is not just the old stereotypical blaming of mothers when children go wrong. It is something else. I tried my best, I really did. Maybe I should have made a different choice that night, when my son was still a teenager. I don’t know. I just know that as always, I was only acting in his best interest, and that I will always love and support him, no matter what he does.
I am his mother after all.
That night, I was waiting for my son Nick to return home when my phone dinged. I looked down at my son’s name, flashing on my screen
-Will asked me over to his place can I go pls
I immediately texted back.
“No absolutely not. Home by nine please.” I simply could not come to terms with my son’s and his friends’ apparently insatiable need to spend all weekend evenings together- and god knows what they got up to after dark.
Ding!
“Please please mom everybody is going Will asked me to go”
I was about to text back something like “when Will pays your bills, you can follow him wherever he asks” but then I felt a sudden change of heart. There was no point in refusing- he would just sneak off after I fell asleep. And how could I really refuse my darling son anything anyway? How could I make him upset and miserable, excluded from his friend group? He was the light of my eyes, the beat of my heart.
-Ok picking u up 11:30 no drinking drugs!
-Tks mom luv u
-I love u too
My last text remained unread.
I sighed. Another long lonely Saturday evening.
I dully thought about watching or eating something. I hated being alone in the evenings. My old fears and paranoias flooded me. It was hard not to spiral into dark places in my mind, as I restlessly listened to the creak of the pipes in the walls, magnified and echoing around my living room.
Tonight, it seemed as if the creaks were louder than ever. Something seemed to snap inside the belly of my house. I stared at the wall, which appeared to be moving, shaking and wavy. What the hell- Was it an earthquake? Our area was not prone to earthquakes. My imaginary fears gave way to sharp pangs of real horror as the front door flew open and a tall thin man perfectly dressed in a beautiful dark blue suit complete with a crisp white shirt and a Cheshire cat smile entered and stood before me.
“Hello Lisa” he exclaimed in a friendly voice. His eyes were blank, like small silver discs of nothingness.
The walls stopped heaving and the pipes were silent. Dead quiet reigned in the room.
The front door slammed shut.
I jumped, but couldn’t say anything. I just stared at him.
“I’ve come to take you.” he said brightly.
I shook my head.
He stretched out his hand and said in a slightly softer tone. “Come along my dear. It won’t be as bad as you’ve been told.”
“No!” I gasped. “Please. I have to be here- for my son. I’m all he has- he’s only sixteen.”
His grin grew deeper, running all the way round his head. “You silly woman! Why do you think I’m here?”
I shook her head mutely, refusing to believe.
“Sad but true my dear. He sold your soul to be able to go to Will’s party. Anyway, don’t worry. Lilibeth here will care for him.” He snapped his fingers, and then for the first time I noticed a woman’s figure, standing silently beside him. I don’t know how she got in.
Her face- I can’t describe how terrible her face was - a distorted face with sharp angled teeth jutting out, a demon face if there ever was one.
“Lilibeth you stupid cunt, your face!” snapped the blue-suited man. I blinked, the womanly figure seemed to flicker and I found myself staring at a woman who looked exactly like me. I shook my head again, willing the two to disappear.
But they did not.
“See? Lilibeth can take perfect care of him.” said the man. Lilibeth smiled and I could see her sharp glowing white teeth.
Desperation made me find my tongue. “No- this is not possible! How could he sell my soul for something he wanted? This can’t be- you’re lying!”
He rubbed his hands together. “In most cases you would be right, my poor Lisa. But for mothers and sons, ahhh, that most delicious of relationships, we make an exception. Your souls are so tightly bonded, in such a terrible way- even the laws of the universe bend in awe. The transactions are different, different, you know. Now come along, stop arguing with me. I have other things to do, places to be.” And he took a step towards me, his silver eyes dancing with glee.
“No” I cried. “I’ll make another deal with you! A better deal! Tell me what you’d like”.
He raised his eyebrows, his cat grin growing almost splitting his skull. “How amusing. Let me see. Actually I know exactly what I want. You realise, the bitter truth is that even in hell, men’s souls are valued more than yours, especially a fresh young man. The potential for doing evil! Oh my goodness!” and paused and rubbed his hands together again, almost drooling, before continuing, “And especially compared to that of a jaded old hag, if you’ll pardon me for pointing out the obvious, such as yourself. Call me sexist my dear, but that’s just the way it is.. So, his soul for yours?”
“She- she will leave?” I gestured at my doppelganger.
He threw his head back and roared with laughter, a truly terrifying sound. “Lilibeth you are so unwanted, my poor bitch!”
He snapped his fingers. Lilibeth hung her head, so her face was no longer visible, turned, and walked slowly to the front door. She paused a second, her hand on the knob, but the man gestured impatiently and snapped “Go on go on! I said we haven’t all night!”
She opened the door and disappeared into the darkness.
“There you go. No Lilibeth. Just you and your precious son- but his soul is mine.”
I nodded mutely.
“Wonderful! Well, I’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your Saturday evening- I heard there is an excellent party at Will’s place - I might pop in.”
He turned and followed Lilibeth back out.
I was alone. Had I been alone all this time?
I have not had a peaceful night since then. My son, Nick. Well, you may have heard about some of the things he’s done, sometimes they make its way into the media. But it’s not my fault. I was only trying to protect him. I swear.