Okay, I am not disclosing names for at least my privacy, I am currently in work on my break, as this is the only place I feel safe from him at the moment. I am writing down from the start to this current moment, someone please help.
So I (F24) and my boyfriend (M23) recently moved in together, around 4 months ago, we have been dating for around 9 months, when we first had met, we clicked and for the first few months, everything was going well, fast-paced but well. He said I love you to me a month in, he has planned out our entire future and etc. So, we recently bought an apartment together, he had been saving up for a while, even before we were dating for this apartment, so he has really excited. It went well for the first few weeks, it was like the honeymoon phase all over again, we were so happy.
After the first few weeks, that is when I started noticing things, that seemed a bit weird, like I would wake up in the middle of the night and I sometimes would wake up to him just staring at me, I passed it off because I did the same thing, admire him in his sleep, although his stare was intense and piercing, I just thought thats how he was. This would happen only once or twice, but it makes me feel sick that I wasnt aware of it but he would also call in sick in the morning, he would hide calling in, so I wouldnt hear him but I was eavesdropping one time and by chance heard him - then he told me he was going to go to work and leave, right after I would go out or go to work and a lot of the time on my way home after the day out, he always bumped into me, I do believe some to be coincidental as I have only heard him phoning in sick twice. I wouldn’t of thought anything off it, i just thought at first, he just didn’t want to go in and he thought i would be disappointed or something .
This one thing changed my mind though, around 2 weeks ago, I was doing a deep cleansing of the apartment and that is when I found a small book, journal thing, it was taped under the framing of his side of our bed, curiosity got the best of me, like what if he was hiding something big from me or what if he was going to get me something that i wasn’t sure i liked and i wanted to be sure of everything, so I opened it - It was detailed charts and journal of everything I would do, on days I’m out, days I’m home and the only time he doesn’t write about me is during work, he explained how he waits outside usually for my entire shift, an entire 9:5 shift, I was lucky that he actually went to work on that day, otherwise i would of never known he’s been stalker ish towards me.
The reasonI am writing this now, is because he brought up about me reading it, earlier around 2 hours ago, we were watching tv and he turned to me, “you read it didn’t you?” I couldn’t of know how he knew, but maybe i made it obvious somehow? “ i don’t understand what you mean, what did I read?” I played it off, i was scared, what would he do if he knew i knew he was stalking me, “what book did you grab from under the bed?” he asked, sounding scared and panicked,” i was looking through for things to throw out, like if we didn’t need them and i found this old journal that I wrote in during high-school” i quickly excused and a relief flee off my shoulders as his panic went away and went much calmer.
The one concerning thing that makes me honestly a little scared, is that if he was sure i touched it or moved it, then he wouldn’t of backed down so easy, maybe he is watching me somehow, there is a fire alarm in the corner of our room and i’m contemplating checking if it is a camera or not, any advice?
EDIT: thanks for all the help! I went over my mothers the other day and got one of my old journals that she kept and shoved it under the bed, I am still worried about the fire alarm though, i dont want to touch it - im just scared that if he is watching me on the cameras, he will know and i have a feeling he could do worse to me.
I have stayed over my mothers two nights in a row, i said it was “family” time with my sister and brothers, which it has been even though I am on the sofa, I was thinking of getting him distracted so i can disarm the fire alarm, even if its real, also it is in the corner and as i believe they are usually centred in a room. Sorry if the update is boring, just been at my mothers so theres not a lot.