Back when I moved into town I was 7 years old, scared yet super excited to meet all of the new people that I can become friends with! So, on my first day at this summer camp type program, I met this boy. He was taller than me by only a few inches, and that day he was dressed in some denim cargo shorts and an oversize grey shirt with a Dino printed on the front. His name was Jake. He was sweet, or as sweet as a 7 year old boy could be, he would push me around when playing tag but would always say sorry if i fell over, and we would give each other parts of our lunch if we didn’t like them and knew the other did. A very normal friendship for a couple of kids.
As we grew older, we realized that the town we lived in had really nothing to do. It was small, and far away from mostly everything. We had a couple of stores, and a few random fast food places, nothing for a couple of growing kids to do outside of school. So, we would both beg hands and knees for our parents to let us walk to the park, no’s would ring out since we were both still very young to be walking alone so far. However, we soon were able to go on our own when we got given cheap flip phones to be able to check in.
I swear that thing was my life support, being able to text my dad whenever I wanted and play snake in class! It was amazing to me as a child.
When high school hit, we still remained just as close as always, but during the first week of classes I noticed that he was uneasy. Something was wrong, but I wasn’t sure whether to ask him or not, afraid to make him uncomfortable. So I waited, nearly to the end of the school year.
Walking in the hallway, two weeks before we let out for summer, I still felt that feeling that Jake just wasn’t in the right mind space. I felt like I should have said something a long time ago, but I had a voice in the back of my mind that it wasn’t something I wanted to know. That if he told me I wouldn’t like it, maybe wished I would have never asked. I went against that.
“Jake?” I asked him, earning the boy to look over towards me. He looked so much different now…
“Yeah?” He asked, shooting me a slight smile. Though it truly was only a lip twitch. “Um, I have been meaning to ask you this for a while, but…. Are you alright? Is something bothering you or anything?” I asked him, I watched his face ship slightly, something I would have easily missed if I hadn’t been looking at him.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked, shaking his head ever so slightly. I felt by heart drop, I shouldn’t have asked and now I know that for sure. “Nonono, It’s just you haven’t really seemed so… I don’t know I’m sorry pretend I never said anything” I said waving it off, but that didn’t work with Jake.
“Hey, it’s okay… Truthfully… I really haven’t been alright. But it isn’t something I can talk about quite yet” He said, and a million things flew in my head as to what that could even mean. I knew his dad was a single man, his mother having passed away before I ever met him due to an invisible illness of sorts. He didn’t talk about her because he truly has nothing to talk about, and according to his dad she was a very sweet woman who had her quirks… We both never understood what that meant, even now.
“You can talk to me if you like, you don’t have to include details but I don’t want you to be sad anymore” I told him, making him crack a small smile. “I really do want to, but just… Not right now okay?” He asked, and since I didn’t want to prude any longer I agreed.
“No worries, I am here when you want to talk though” I tell him and he nods, placing a warm hand onto my shoulder. “I know, please don’t worry okay?” He assured me, all I can do is nod. I was lying I know that, but at least Jake wouldn’t…
Now, with the heat of the sun barring down, it’s very apparent it’s the middle of summer. Jake and I lived in the inflatable “Family sized” pool that my dad put up in the back yard. Truthfully, it could fit us both laid out floating and nothing else. But it didn’t matter since it was only us, and then sometimes my dog Rufus, a big old golden lab I found wandering by the railroad tracks a few years back. Now he’s a spoiled little brat who loves deer meat when both mine and Jake’s dads go hunting.
As we lay in silence, only the birds, wind and softly playing music could be heard. It was peaceful, and all of the worries of the past school year had left my body ages ago… “Alex” I heard Jake call out, earning me to look over to him, the water around me making a swooshing sound as I moved. “Yeah?” I asked back.
“Do you remember the question you asked me before school let out?” He asked, interest perking upon hearing that. “Yes, I do” I said giving a small nod, making sure not to show I was literally begging on the inside to know what he has had him down for so long.
“I can’t tell you all of it, you will find out the rest sooner than not… But I can tell you now if you think you’re ready to hear it” He tells me, earning me to sit up fully in the water. Full attention placed on Jake.
“Yeah, I want to know. I don’t want you having to feel so weighed down anymore” I tell him, Jake just nods. Silently saying ‘I wish it was that simple’ I knew the look from anywhere.
“Well… The short version of it… well I will be leaving with my dad soon” He said, and when he said that it felt as if my whole world fell apart. We were both, as sad and lonely as it sounded, each other’s only friends. If he left, i would be alone.
“Wait. Leaving? When?” I asked him quickly. The smile he cracked caused my heart to drop down again. “Two weeks” He said softly, and it truly felt like I had an out of body experience.
The friend and only friend that I have had since I was 7 years old… is moving away in two short weeks. The way a mix of sadness, anger and fear flew through my soul made me nearly fall back into the water again.
“Two weeks, and you didn’t even tell me?” I asked softly, and he shook his head quickly. “I wanted to, I truly did but my dad wasn’t sure if we were leaving or not” He said, voice speaking quickly to get his point across. “What does that even mean?” I asked him, and Jake just sighed out.
He wiped his face, and pushed his mostly wet hair back to try and ease some of the tension building in his skull. “I don’t even know how to explain this to you without being confused… Me and my dad are leaving, but even I have no idea where” he said, I stayed silent for him to keep explaining.
“When we leave, you need to promise me you won’t try and look for us okay?” This coming from a 14 year old boy truly made me even more confused than I had been, why would he be worried i’d come looking for him? “What-“ I tried, but Jake quickly cut me off. “Please” Is all he says to be, eyes focused onto mine to show how much he meant it.
All I could do was nod. “Yes, I promise”
After I said that Jake quickly got out of the pool, and before I could say anything he had ran out the gate. I was left alone…
I didn’t see him the next day, or the next day, then the next week… I didn’t dare come by his house until he contacted me first. In a way I felt hurt, he ran away from me after saying he was leaving town and not to come find him after he did. But as the days went on with zero contact, I decided I was going to go by his house and just check on him.
I threw on my shoes and left, my dad was at work so I didn’t need to tell him where I was going, especially since he knew exactly where I was going anyways.
As I walked I thought about it all, his words and how he ran away after making me promise something that really made zero sense. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes with my hands trying to push away all of the thoughts, trying to just focus on not getting hit by a car as I walked down the street of a halfway busy road.
Getting to Jake’s house I saw no car in the driveway, his dad must be gone away to work for the last little bit they are in town. I stood on the porch and knocked onto the door, holding open the screen one in order to do so. It takes a moment, but an elder women I didn’t know opened it.
“Hi sweetie, who are you?” She asked, movements slow and labored from her age. “I’m looking for Jake” I said to her, and she chuckled softly. “No one lives here but me love, are you at the right home?” She asked, and all I could do was blink at her confused.
“No, one of my friends live here” I said, but she shakes her head and laughs again. “Your kids and your funny jokes. I have lived here for nearly 43 years and I have never met anyone with the name of Jake… Then again I don’t leave the house much and my memory is getting slower” She tells me, and gives me a soft smile.
“But… I swear-“ I tried but was interrupted by the women. “It’s okay love, would you care for a slice of cake for your troubles?” She asked me, and for a moment I really did consider that piece of cake. “No mam, I don’t want to trouble you anymore than I have already” I said, and backed up slightly. “Of course love, you have a nice evening and if you like, come back for that slice of cake I don’t get many visitors often” She said, and with a soft bye she closed the all too familiar squeaking door.
Weeks went by and things didn’t get any better. I asked my dad, my mom and even my 10 year old sister about my friend Jake. Not one of them recalled me having a friend by the name of Jake, they didn’t even recall me having a friend to begin with. Saying how I spend more time alone than I do anything else, drawing and playing video games filled my time and that was really it.
Along with that, no matter how long I looked every single photo of Jake was gone, vanished into thin air. The ones on my phone are wiped clean, and all of my physical photos are just gone. Off my wall, no more books of them from camping trips with our dads, and none that we took in the arcade photo booths. Everything that even gave the slight hint of this boy was completely gone, and no matter who I asked no one had any memory.
I felt insane, for years. And now 12 years later I still feel like it. However, one piece of proof of this boy Jake existed. One little thing, that for some reason that I may never find out, that shows to me that Jake truly existed.
A single group photo from the first day of that summer camp. With me, in a tank top and leggings. Stood beside a boy in an oversize Dino T shirt, with baggy cargo shorts that reached just past his knees.