I know it may be weird, but I have a favorite route home from the grocery store. I live in a small rural community, with one stop light. So I have to drive 30 minutes to the city where I do the grocery shopping. I can choose to take the interstate, highway, or a series of winding back roads. I obviously choose the winding back roads most of the time. This allows me to choose my own speed limit. I can dance like a fool in my car without a friend pulling up beside me and seeing me jamming out. Not to mention, the view is gorgeous. Beautiful, lush farms that have been in operation for generations. Livestock and wild animals alike come out to watch you drive by. It’s almost like a half an hour out of some kind of Disney movie. Except the music is a little less Let It Go, and a little more From The Windows To The Wall.
Today I was feeling more of a punk/emo vibe. I turned up the radio, loudly singing the hook to a song I lived for in my teens. I stopped mid belting. I had already passed this farm once on my way home. I distinctly remember passing, because all of the cows were standing in a circle. This means upcoming rain, so I pressed a little harder on the accelerator. I wanted to beat the rain to the house so that I could get the groceries into the house without getting drenched. I reset the cruise when I felt something start to run down my forehead. I tried to wipe it away before it hit my eyes, but I couldn’t and the thick liquid stung as it clouded my vision and forced me to close my eyes. I frantically let go of the wheel, and started wiping my eyes. Doing everything I could to stop the burning. Eventually, I was able to open my eyes again. My hands shot back to the wheel. They were covered in a thick red liquid. Blood. That’s blood. My eyes shot up to the rear view mirror, to find the source of the bleeding. My heart raced, and stomach wretched when I saw the oozing split on the top of my head. Through my hair, I could see
My song ended, and the music app started a new one. This one was not a favorite. A slow song about a boy cheating. Does not pass the vibe check for today. I rolled my eyes as I hit the skip button on my phone, which was docked on the dash for easy access. I recognized the intro to the song, and turned up the volume even more. This song brings back memories of my first high school dance, with my boyfriend
What the hell is wrong with my leg? My left leg is at an odd angle. It feels completely separated from my hip? And now that I think about it, there is pain. Every nerve in my body is firing. The pain is unbearable. My head… it’s pounding too. And
Skip this one too. The next song was a favorite from my teen years. I belted out the chorus, and started dancing in my seat. If my eleven year old had joined me today, this is when she’d have rolled her eyes, and popped in her AirPods. Likely calling me a crazy old lady as she turned on her own music app, smiling a little at her mama’s nostalgia. I should call her so she will be ready to help me carry in the groceries, I thought, as I continued to scream sing to the song I planned to play twice. I don’t know why this song isn’t popular any
I wasn’t screaming the chorus. I was just screaming. Loud, long, animalistic screams. Trying to drown out the pain, the helplessness. It was not working. I hurt all over. I couldn’t open my eyes, the thick liquid burned too much. My hands… they didn’t hurt. I couldn’t feel them. What was happening? Why couldn’t I feel my hands? Were they moving when my brain told them to? I can’t tell. I don’t know what’s happen
I love this song. I reached back and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I need to remember to tell my husband about the air conditioner starting to fail. It was hot in the van, even with it on full blast. As my hands found the steering wheel again, I noticed the cows neatly aligned in a circle. That means rain, I’d better hurry up and get home before I have to carry a weeks worth of groceries into the house in the rain.