In my last post, I shared my journal entry from just over a week ago. This time, the responses weren’t all negative. The comments I got in the actual thread seemed more understanding than last time, and even praised me for my dedication! Now that people seem to understand and even agree with my point of view, it’s given me the confidence to be even more aggressive! So thank you.
I’m still getting rude DMs, however. Most of them are just skeptics who think I’m insane, but one guy in particular keeps saying to watch the clip I mentioned last time. He insists that I wasn’t the person Gabi responded to, and laughs about how the pivotal moment Gabi and I’s connection began was actually just one big misunderstanding on my part.
I told them I’m not going to watch the video, cause I already know the truth. He claimed that I’m using that as an excuse to not watch the video, but guess what? My friend Noah, second in command on my discord server, said that he discovered my reddit threads and recognized me immediately. He took the liberty of watching that clip himself, and assured me that I was just being gaslit.
Even he could see the moment that sparked our connection. So now, I definitely have no reason to watch the video outside of sentimental reasons.
Anyways, I’m gonna give you half my journal entries for the past week:
[June 4th 2022]
Yesterday went surprisingly well. The interview was less of an interview, and more like just being asked when I could start. Apparently they were short staffed, and had another new guy coming in soon as well.
They actually let me do my training that day. Making pizza deliveries and washing dishes are pretty straightforward tasks, so it wasn’t anything too complicated. After knocking out the training in an hour, I was given a uniform and scheduled for that very Friday. I was glad to be able to start immediately.
Only problem was, my first shift would be pretty early. I hadn’t been sleeping well cause for some reason my downstairs neighbor liked to make tea at 9pm. The teapot always got loud as fuck, just like in the movies, and sleeping in Gabi’s attic wasn’t good for my back. For a while, I had to choose the lesser of two evils, but today I finally have a solution.
You see, I had ordered a cheap mattress, and made the delivery address the unoccupied house next to Gabi’s. Like I’ve said many times, I always have a plan for everything.
The reason I ordered it to the unoccupied house was so I could get it into Gabi’s attic undetected. When the package got there, I was already in the house to sign for it, pretending I lived there. After the UPS guy was gone, I brought the mattress upstairs and to the window I used to climb across the tree and access Gabi’s attic.
This was the difficult part, so I waited until nightfall and made sure the attic window was already open. Carefully, I stood on the tree branches, carefully pulling the mattress out from one window, and into the other. Nobody spotted me in the darkness, and everything was fine and dandy. I got a good night’s sleep that night, right above where Gabi lay, but this time I was comfortable.
My first shift this morning went better than I expected. I insisted I didn’t need to drive with someone as practice and could do the deliveries on my own. They allowed it, and I was able to make the deliveries in such short times that I received compliments left and right. It seemed like my reputation was off to a fantastic start here.
When things started to slow down and I had no dishes to do, I got an alert on my phone. Someone was at Gabi’s front door. I discretely checked the footage and saw the same person who delivered her package last time.
When she came to get her package, he once again made piss poor attempts at humor that Gabi pretended to laugh at. They even had a full conversation this time. The longer it dragged on, the more I hoped for a delivery to pop up on the system so I could drive down there to Gabi’s house before completing it. But what would I do then?
That was the moment I decided to keep a my spare latex suit on me at all times, in case anyone needed an ass-kicking. I’m embarrassed I hadn’t thought of doing this before, but once I figure out these things I never forget. I always have everything planned out.
Finally, he left. Had Gabi’s self esteem gotten even worse? She keeps talking to people so much lately, acting as if she’s someone she’s not, just to appease them. It was starting to get on my nerves, but I pushed the feeling aside. I tend to make pretty extreme decisions when I’m angry, so I knew I needed to be careful where my thoughts went.
On my break, I ranted about the delivery guy to Noah, who ran my doxing server while I was busy with work and stuff. He asked if it was the same one from last time. Last time? That would’ve had to mean while I was inside her house, right?
“Yeah, how did you know?”
He didn’t answer for a minute. A minute I spent jumping to all kinds of paranoid conclusions. Like I mentioned before, his doxing skills were on par with mine. If there’s anyone out there who could stalk me without me knowing, it’s him.
When he did respond, he admitted to finding my reddit account. He said he knew it was me because of my second post, where I mentioned him specifically. Also because of my tone, word choice, etc.
“So… You’ve known about everything I’ve been doing. For a few days at least. Since the police haven’t shown at my doorstep, I’m guessing you understand why I’m doing this?”
“I’m kinda hurt you have to ask that. I have a brain you know. You’re the most dedicated to Gabi out of all of us. If there’s only two people on the planet who understands why everything you do is justified, it’s me, and eventually Gabi. Once you’re there to protect her when the time comes, that’ll be her wakeup call. She will understand exactly why you’ve done all this.”
If I wasn’t the hardened stoic I am today, I would’ve gotten misty eyed.
“Man, I would’ve gone absolutely insane if I didn’t have you as my ally. Everyone else just doesn’t get it and wants to label me as some sorta creep or a simp. Their stupidity is driving me crazy! Like what part of it do they not understand! They keep telling me I’m delusional and should be arrested, and they keep fucking with me about the damn video! I KNOW Gabi was talking to me in that clip, but the gaslighting is starting to get to me. I know I shouldn’t take it seriously but I keep thinking what if they’re right? What if I have the nerve to look at the video one day, and it’s completely different from how I remember?”
“Relax, I went back and watched the clip myself. At first when she thanks you she slips up and says someone else’s name, but immediately corrects herself. Even I could tell by the way she looked directly into the camera that you were right. You have no reason to worry. I’m sure she’d love to watch that clip with you one day because of how much sentimental value it has.”
That was roughly how our conversation went. It was a huge relief to be told they were wrong about the video, and for Noah to not only finally know about the mission, but accept it. I kinda always knew he would, but that didn’t stop me from overthinking.
During the last four minutes of my break, Gabi started streaming. Any other day I would’ve been annoyed this happened right before I had to get back to work, but I was just glad to have a friend I could discuss my real plans with.
I watched what I could, and noticed on the corner of her screen that her diary was sitting on the desk. I wondered what she was writing about. Was there any vital information I would need to protect her? Had she ever written about me? Was there any reason for me to give it a quick read through?
While doing my next delivery, I noticed an abandoned house off the road that I’d driven by a few times. After finishing my shift, I decided to check it out.
What used to be a driveway was completely overgrown, and a semicircle of trees obscured it from the surrounding area. This area was somewhat isolated from everything else. Most of the neighborhood was abandoned cause of a fire years ago.
All that was left of the house were the walls, half a staircase, and the brick fireplace. There was also pieces of ashy furniture, glass, and pieces of drywall scattered haphazardly across the floor. I saw nothing of use untill I went back behind the house and found a patch of weeds positioned slightly different from from rest. Different how, I couldn’t really pinpoint, but I’m glad I checked it out.
There was a metal hatch the weeds were growing around, and when I opened it up, if you could believe it, it led to an actual bunker. What could I use this for?
An escape while on the run? Interrogations? Somewhere safe to keep Gabi if necessary? There were many uses, and I think I was meant to find it. Me and Gabi were meant to be, and the universe knew this. My apartment having the perfect view, the tree allowing me to get to her attic, Noah just so happening to find the thread so he could help me, and now this bunker that I just coincidentally happened to be the only one to find?
I was being helped by a greater power. One who knew that my mission was just, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I tested out the reach of my signal jammer. Outside the bunker, putting it on the hatch was enough to prevent any signals from leaving or getting to my phone while inside.
I bought a fuck-ton of tinfoil so I could turn the inside of the bunker into a Faraday cage. I put some zipties and gloves in there, so I would have them handy if someone was brought in. I always have everything planned out.
The bunker was about the size of a living room, with one metal pillar in the middle. The perfect place to keep someone trapped. It was right where I could see them when I came in, and far enough away from the walls where they couldn’t possibly take down the tinfoil. It was perfect.
I was happy on the drive home, until I came inside my apartment and it was full of ants. All the empty bags from McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Ramen noodle packaging, and empty bowls I hadn’t cleaned yet, were all swarming with them.
I couldn’t sleep over at Gabi’s, cause there was a group of people on the sidewalk who would spot me instantly. I threw away what I could, until I ran out of trash bags. The one in my trashcan had so many ants I couldn’t take it out without my hands being eaten. I shoved what I could into that bag, trying not to get bit in the process, and left it there until I could afford more.
At the rate things were going, I couldn’t spend too much now or I wouldn’t be able to send any donations during Gabi’s streams. I sighed. I never had time to clean anymore. I guess it’s just the price you pay when you wanna do a hard job like mine.
To my surprise, Gabi was actually still streaming. I sent a few donations, talking about a new book I read. It was the same one I found at her desk last time I was in her room. I was hoping this would spark a good conversation when she realized we had a common interest, but she just said she hadn’t finished the book and left it at that.
I sighed, realizing I sped through the entire book for nothing.
After that, someone sent a donation saying “You should collab with Jimmy. He’s actually in your state right now”. I noticed it was the same person who made a donation exactly one dollar higher than mine last time…. and he just did it again.
I felt a burning sensation in my chest, but ignored it. I couldn’t tell if he was doing this on purpose. He was talking about Jimmy, who wasn’t exactly related to me in any way.
Gabi’s eyes widened after hearing the donation message.
“WHAT?! Why didn’t he tell me! Hold on, I’m gonna call him right now.”
Jimmy was another streamer she had been friends with for a while. They had collabed before. I didn’t know they still kept in touch.
She got him on the phone.
“Hey, you’re in the area right now and you didn’t tell me?”
“Oh. Haha… Guess I am. I didn’t think you would care.”
She laughed.
“You and your low self esteem. We gotta hang soon. You know you’re only like seven miles away right?”
“What. How do you know that.”
“Snapchat.”
The chat was going crazy. They all said hi to Jimmy, and he greeted them back. They begged him to collab with Gabi, which she pointed put.
I was sending donations the whole time, but she didn’t read a single message. She was completely focused on this Jimmy guy, probably cause that’s what chat wanted. I’ve watched one of his streams before, just outta curiosity. He literally just talked about the gym the whole time. Very uninteresting person. I felt bad for Gabi, being egged on and forced into this interaction.
The made plans to stream the very next day. Thankfully, my shift would be earlier in the morning, before the stream would start so I’d be able to watch the whole thing.
I’m still debating if I should be in her house during the stream tomorrow. On one hand, getting caught is more likely, but on the other hand, I could more easily protect Gabi if Jimmy tries anything funny. I’ll decide in the morning.
[ June 5th, 2022]
I am not having a good day. In fact, I’m starting to lose every last ounce of my fucking patience.
For starters, I woke up this morning to my neighbors fucking teapot again, and my ankles were covered in ant bites. The ants have even gotten into my sink now, making it harder to wash the dishes.
Not only that, but I had countless rude DMs from multiple alternate accounts, shitting on me for simply wanting to be a good person to Gabi. God forbid I want to do something nice, right?
I was ranting to Noah about all this, and he suggested watching the video.
“What video?”
“The one where you and Gabi made a connection for the first time. Seeing it will remind you why you’re on this path, and renew your motivation.”
He was right. I hadn’t thought about the video in a while, but my fear around it seemed to be gone. He sent a link, saying he didn’t remember the timestamp, but this was definitely the stream it happened.
I thanked him and clicked the link, which led to a clips channel on YouTube dedicated to Gabi. I wonder if the creator of this channel would be a good addition to my discord server.
When it got to the part where all the roblox players attacked each other, my donation popped up.
“Just another day in school in America!”
She did read it. She didn’t have as strong of a reaction as I remembered though. My stomach dropped. No, there had to be a cut somewhere. Right? Surely the editor of this video were cutting things here and there for time, right?
Another highlighted message flew by in the chat, not even a second later. She read it out loud.
“Just another day in…”
She laughed and looked at the camera just like how I remembered. Yes, that’s it. She just had a delayed reaction. Of course there was a connection there! How could I doubt it?
I rewound the video to watch it again, and again, and again, re-experiencing the moment. The last time, I caught a glimpse of the irrelevant highlighted message.
Wait a minute…. It was from Jimmy. Her longtime friend. I paused the video to read it.
“Just another day in Lillith’s house.”
It was an inside joke. Lillith was a friend of theirs. My entire body felt like it was on fire, until I realized I was just misunderstanding. Noah said it himself, it happened exactly how I remembered. I was just being affected by all the psychological warfare. People just hated seeing me succeed.
At work, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jimmy. This random douchebag demanding Gabi’s attention just about tainted my special moment, the one that symbolized the bond between me and Gabi. He would be at her house later. Being the clout chaser he is, enjoying the unearned praise from her chat, and being right at her side for hours at a time, laughing and enjoying her company, probably at her expense. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.
“Hey, Melvin! You met Reese yet?”
Said my manager. Reese was the new guy they mentioned, who started a couple days after me. He came to introduce himself, shaking my hand. He seemed like a nice guy.
Since he was a delivery driver, I showed him the ropes, giving him pointers I learned from the others when I first started.
One of the cooks, Alex, walked by.
“Why are you trying to train him? You haven’t even been here that long. And washing dishes isn’t even that complicated so calm down Mr. Einstein.”
He said with a shit eating grin. Two other cooks nearby started snickering to each other. They gave me a condescending look I knew all too well.
What the hell was happening? I was doing just fine, and everyone seemed to respect me before. Now the aura was just different. Reese was the only one who seemed to respect me, but I was worried he’d get roped into the gossip as well.
On break, I was talking to some other coworkers in the front. Reese was telling a story of this one dude from his highschool who was overprotective of his girlfriend. Things started to get abusive, so she left and started dating Reeses’ friend, Ted.
Ted was a small, scrawny guy and didn’t have any fighting experience, but according to Reese he was pretty intelligent.
I had no idea where this story was going, but everyone in the group was completely captivated, wanting to know what would happen next. I couldn’t blame them. Something about the way Reese told his stories made you know it was about to get interesting.
So basically, this Ted guy knew he was gonna get confronted by the ex boyfriend, cause he was still obsessive and controlling, still fancying himself the girls protector.
Long story short, Ted was attacked but had a few tricks up his sleeve. Despite his lack of strength, he found a way to beat someone much stronger. It made me think of me and Jimmy, and how something similar would probably happen if it came down to it.
“Yeah,”
I started to say.
“When you have someone to protect, you’ll find a way. You’ll do whatever it takes t-“
Everyone burst into laughter. My face started turning red, and this one fuckface named Sean felt the need to point out that I was blushing.
“Um, no offense,”
Said Alex, looking me up and down.
“But I don’t think you’re protecting anyone.”
Sean nudged Reese, pointing at me and saying “he really does say weird dramatic shit all the time!” before wheezing uncontrollably.
I balled my fists. I wanted to tell them how wrong they were, what I had been doing the past month that they wouldn’t have the balls to do. But I couldn’t compromise the mission. They would probably just call it weird anyway.
I gave Alex a death stare, which only made him laugh even more. It’s ironic. He’s unable to assess the threat in front of him when he’s gone too far, but he thinks he can decide who is and isn’t what he considers a “tough guy”.
As if I wasn’t already pissed off enough, the next driver didn’t even show up when he was supposed to. After working an extra three hours, I finally saw him back at the building, chatting it up with the manager.
Alex smirked at me as I walked up to them, which I ignored.
I stood around, waiting for there to be a pause in their conversation so I could ask the manager if I could cash out. When I finally, got the go ahead, I sighed with relief and began taking out my receipts.
“Oh wait, hold on a second, take this last order before you go.”
He said. It had just now popped up on the screen. The other driver was here already, but I guess they just HAD to finish their conversation about professor fucking peculiar on the mountain of madness or whatever new marvel movie it was this week.
The last delivery was close by. I was sure I could get it over and done with in no time so I could go home. Nobody answered the door, and nobody answered the phone.
I went back to my car, about to call my manager when I finally got a call back from the customer. He asked where the hell I was, and I said I was right outside his door.
“Ok, I’ll be out in five minutes.”
I went back to his door, waited eight minutes, and called him again. First thing out of his mouth was “So you lied about being outside my door huh?”
“No, I’m outside here at [address].”
After an exasperated groan, he said
“What a surprise, you have the wrong address. Come to [actual address].”
He said it too fast, and hung up while I asked him to repeat it. I called again and he didn’t answer. I was about to try calling again, when I suddenly suddenly a call from my manager, asking why I was getting a complaint.
Apparently I was at the wrong address “giving him attitude”. While trying to explain the situation, my manager cut me off, telling me what the actual address was and said to hurry up.
When I got there, the man took the pizza without saying a word. He tipped me two cents, with a note on the receipt that said “I didn’t ask for your two cents before you started making excuses, so I think I’ll give you mine”.
Oh how clever! You really showed that pizza delivery guy who had the audacity to…. be given the wrong address? Seriously, fuck you.
When I finally got back to the Papa John’s, Sean and Alex stared at me, chuckling to themselves.
“You get lost out there, kiddo?”
They said, before promptly turning their attention away the very millisecond I started to explain myself. I couldn’t ignore the burning in my chest this time. It actually started to hurt a little.
When I got home, the stream had already started. Jimmy wasn’t there yet, but was apparently on his way. Knowing his car could pull up any second now, I considered how my luck was going that day. There’s no way he wouldn’t show up to catch me the exact moment I tried to sneak in her house, so I had no choice but to watch from home.
I decided to be a little more vulnerable than usual.
“I had a bit of a rough day today”
I said in a donation. The donation went through, and I waited. Ten minutes.
“Oop- I forgot to turn donations on. Sorry guys! Let me fix that.”
I the veins in my arms were about to pop. I couldn’t stop shaking. Not one fucking thing was going right today.
Jimmy arrived, they played games together, and I was sending donations. Jimmy would just so happen to think of a witty one-liner at the exact same times my donations would sound off, distracting her and making everyone in the chat laugh as if he was some sorta genius.
ReptillianBozo8815, the same guy who donated exactly one dollar higher than me on multiple occasions, was doing it now too. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence. This time, I decided to fight back. I donated one dollar higher than his last donation. He responded by doing the same again.
I did the math in my head. If I canceled my Hulu, Netflix, Amazon prime, and Disney+ subscriptions, and ordered less food, I could keep this up until we got up to $250.
By the time I got up to $148 though, everyone in the chat was noticing. Gabi and Jimmy were actually cheering us both on.
My heart was pounding. I finally had her attention. Why didn’t I try using this the whole time?
“It’s a battle between ReptillianBozo8815 and… wait, who was the other guy who was a part of this?”
They had a full discussion over not remembering the other person’s name. I was excited for them to finally figure it out, and say my name. This was exactly what I needed after a long shitty day.
Suddenly, a third person, “Forbububl” outbid Reptillian by a single dollar, and they assumed it was that guy. Now the whole chat was yelling Reptillian vs Forb. I was dumbfounded.
It was ME who was in on this, not him!
I tried sending another donation, but got some sort of error with my bank account because of course I did.
Reptilian ended it abruptly by sending ten thousand fucking dollars with the message “GG”. Jimmy and Gabi jumped out of their seats, hugging each other with excitement. The chat was going apeshit. And I just couldn’t enjoy the moment.
An ant bit me on my toe all of a sudden, and I jumped up and punched a hole in the wall. I had enough. I took out my signal jammer, and shut down Gabi’s internet. The stream was over, because I said so. I’m tired of being everybody’s punching bag.
After a few minutes went by, the thought of Gabi and Jimmy being alone in that house made me uncomfortable. What if he were to attack her? I went on the security system app, and looked through the cameras. Through the one for the back door, I could see Gabi and Jimmy sitting at the kitchen.
“Hey, my internet’s back on.”
Said Jimmy. I got a notification. Gabi tweeted saying they would collab again soon since Jimmy would be here for another week, but there wouldn’t be a stream tomorrow.
I was relieved I didn’t have to worry about Jimmy tomorrow. I continued listening to their conversation, until I heard a bang on the door.
I ran to answer it quickly, cause it sounded urgent. It was my landlord. She pushed me aside, immediately seeing the mess in the living room.
“Do you have any idea how many complaints I’ve gotten about ants in the building?! And I’m pretty sure I finally know where they’re coming from. Pick up your shit.”
She handed me a bunch of trash bags, and made me pick up everything while she watched. She didn’t care that my arms were getting covered in bite marks in the process. When I got back from throwing my bags in the dumpster, I saw her looking at the hole I just punched in the wall.
I could only stare at her like a deer in headlights when she turned around. She stared at me for a solid minute, while I drenched myself in sweat. When I realized the signal jammer was on the floor right beside her, my entire nervous system was on fire. Had she noticed it? Will she notice it? Does she know what it is?
“I’m increasing your rent by two hundred dollars. I also want that hole fixed by next Friday. Don’t ever cause an ant infestation on my property again.”
She slams the door and leaves. I can’t even scream. There’s neighbors nearby who will hear me. I can’t punch a wall. I have no furniture to throw around. I can only pace back and forth, clenching and unclecnhing my fists.
I see Jimmy’s car leave finally. There’s nobody outside either. Just like last stream, Gabi’s diary was on her desk. Just out in the open. Jimmy could’ve easily read it while she went to the bathroom, and nobody would see it cause of the BRB screen. Fuck! I should’ve been there.
No, she didn’t take breaks during this one. He didn’t have the chance, and I wouldn’t let him. I put the spandex suit on, and snuck into her house. I took her diary and brought it up to the attic where it would be safe until Jimmy left.
My phone got a notification. A package arrived at Gabi’s front door. She sure orders from Amazon a l- is that the same guy from last time?!
I watched him on my phone while he gave Gabi the package. This fucking delivery guy was flirting with her again. I wanted so badly to teach him a lesson. I am just so done with the bullshit right now.
And then the bastard stretched out his stupid fucking arm…. and gave her a hug.
NO.
I jumped out of the attic window, went down the tree as fast as possible. I was gonna fucking kill him.
His truck was already driving away when I got to the front yard. The light in Gabi’s room switched off. It was about the time she usually went to sleep, so I took the risk. I sprinted through the yard, onto the sidewalk.
I couldn’t keep up with the truck but I was angry enough to not stop. I caught up when they stopped at someone else’s house, and I made it just in time to catch him walking back up the driveway. When he saw me covered head to toe in black fabric, running towards him, he tilted his head in confusion.
I started screaming as I got close.
“Fuck you, entitled cocksucker! Fuck you to hell bitchass f-“
He sidestepped me effortlessly as I went for a punch, as if he could see it coming. All it took was one backhand that just so happened to hit my jaw perfectly. He didn’t plan that. He obviously didn’t know how to fight. He just got one lucky shot that made me dizzy and got all proud of himself when he saw me stumble backwards. He went for a kick to finish me off. When I hit the ground, it knocked the wind out of me.
“Fuck outta here, bitch.”
He said before casually walking away as if he’d won, and he drove off like a coward before I could even get up. My eyes stung with tears at the unfairness of it all.
Why does someone like him get to win? Why do I have to suffer like this? I swear, I’m not letting things stay this way. I’m going to take back what’s mine, mark my fucking words.