[June 6th 2022]
I can hardly focus during work. Everyone on Twitter is speculating that Jimmy and Gabi like each other now. They keep posting short clips of them playfully touching each other, looking at each other, all kinds of random bullshit that means nothing.
On my alternate account, the one I use for doxing, I tried pointing out how everyone was misreading their body language there, and how speculating about this kinda thing probably made Gabi uncomfortable.
This one so-called body language expert said “then why is she liking these tweets?” Which set me off.
“OBVIOUSLY FOR FUCKING CONTENT YOU DIPSHIT.”
I responded. It’s frustrating being so clearly in the right, just to be bombarded with stupid ass arguments from all directions. When will these people learn?
When I got home from work, I noticed that someone made an entire Twitter thread dedicated to me specifically. It later got deleted, but it said something along the lines of this:
“Well guys, it’s happened again. The ‘Doxers for Gabi’ discord leader just doxed an actual professional who specializes in body language, because she had the complete and utter audacity to disagree on him about a subject she’s quite literally the expert on. Classic.”
He included a screenshot of her address being leaked by someone I didn’t even recognize. The thread continued,
“Of course, he uses an alternate account to do this cause he knows he’s targeting someone who’s only sin is refusing to feed his delusion of being the one to marry Gabi, and not Jimmy.
Apparently he didn’t learn his lesson last time,”
It was at this point I noticed his username. GamerGator_317. There was no way. It couldn’t be the same Gator I knew, but if he was, I knew what “last time” he was referring to.
I mentioned last time that the verbal lashing he gave me is what pushed me to start doxing people. Well, like I said last time, I was not yet ballsy enough to actually go to Gabi’s house. I needed another push, and that push, once again, came from Gator_Guy317, apparently back for revenge.
A year after I doxed him for the first time, he had infiltrated my discord server of Gabi defenders, pretended to be a dedicated fan of Gabi, gained our trust enough to be a mod, then did the unthinkable. This moment is what I consider to be my Vietnam, or I guess my 9/11.
I woke up one morning with a trillion notifications. People on my server had been pinging me like crazy. Gator, going simply by the name of “Blake”, had banned each of the moderators before removing every channel except one which he named “Gator-guy-317”. I recognized the name instantly.
I banned him, asking the remaining members what happened and why he started suddenly banning everyone and removing shit, and why the admins didn’t do anything about it.
Suddenly a fuckton of people I did not invite started flooding the server, talking about “simps” and “cringe” and “pedophile discord admins”. All at once I received a frenzied wave of information and screenshots.
Several of my own moderators had been doxed and harassed to the point they had no choice but to delete every social media we could contact them on.
One of my admins had been arrested for possession of child porn. One of them were revealed to have several alternate accounts, which he used to send dick pics to every single person he could find that made fanart of Gabi. Another one was outed as an actual Nazi. The only one who didn’t seem to have any skeletons in their closet was Noah, but he couldn’t be present for any of it. He later told me he was swatted while it was happening.
I had to make a second server, sharing it with everyone I still had contact with. We tried reaching out to whoever we could, but only recovered about 26 members in total. Noah told me that the attack started at 3am, but was planned long before. Blake had been compiling as much information on all of us as he could, and sharing screenshots with his own community.
He knew this because Blake had sent Noah a DM with the link to his own server.
He shared it with me, and I went into Gator’s server to confront him. Everyone in the general chat lost their minds when they saw me actually show up. They asked me all kinds of stupid questions. When’s the wedding? Did Gabi let you suck her toes yet? Are you gonna get revenge on Blake? Did Gabi read all 400 of your donations today?
They were ruthless. An entire community adjacent to mine, made for the sole purpose of making fun of us. It was unbelievably petty, and honestly a bit creepy.
Noah was there defending me, but left after getting roasted to oblivion. Can’t say I blame him.
“Been a while, Mr. Gabi defender sir.”
Said Blake. The entire chat was egging us on so excitedly I almost didn’t see the message. Blake made it so only us two could speak in that channel temporarily.
“Were you that mad that I doxed you that you had to form a whole anti-me army?”
“Not you wanting to talk about pettiness! You leak personal information of people just for comments they make online. I don’t think disliking your favorite e-girl is punishable by taking away people’s safety, but even if it is, I never see you do that for other streamers. Not even other pretty girl streamers. Just the one you’ve been obsessed with for almost 4 years now. Does that not seem weird to you? It’s rare that I see this level of obsession.”
“I was only following your advice, am I not? You said all I did to defend Gabi was saying tough words on a screen. So I said you know what? You’re right. And then I doxed the shit out of you and now you’re mad.”
“No, you went from insults to doing soft background checks. A real sigma Chad would go to Gabi’s actual house and pull 24/7 security, IRL, with heavy firearms. Look at me! I can do mean things on the internet! Ok, neat, but what if I told you that in one week from now, I’m gonna go to her actual house with an M15 and shoot her in the head? What’s the plan now? You gonna dox my weapon? You gonna dox my car so I can’t drive over there? You have a week to prepare, buckarooni. Better get ready.”
Before I could finish typing out a response, I was kicked from the server. I could almost hear their laughter. In a weird way, Gator was just as determined to fuck with me as I was to protect Gabi. It made me realize that he would actually kidnap or kill Gabi for real if he could get a rise out of me. That’s when I started putting my plan into action.
Now, today, there I was looking at him brag about it in a Twitter thread. He seemed to have a bit of a following, most likely a lot of the same people from his discord server back then.
The comments of his thread had many memes depicting me crying in the background while Jimmy blew Gabi’s back out. Lots of comments about how I was reaching so hard to come to any conclusion about their body language that wasn’t positive.
By then, it started storming outside. I posted my own thread in response, and his entire following responded to every single thing I said with “ratio”. There was no reasoning with them. I spent all day getting increasingly angry, arguing with a billion people at once who all saw me as nothing but a clown.
By 9pm, Gator sent me a DM that I regret clicking on.
“Hey bud, sorry about Jimmy stealing your girlfriend. I guess it’s sorta my fault, isn’t it?”
This message was accompanied by a screenshot, proving that HE was ReptillianBozo8815. The man who constantly outbid me. The man who brought to Gabi’s attention that Jimmy was in town.
By this point, I had downed half a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Despite being a bit of a lightweight, the anger I felt in that moment made me feel completely sober.
I threw my phone across the room. I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to listen to the rain. A fucking ant bit me in the ankle again. MOTHERFUCKER.
I squished every single ant around me one by one, until I didn’t see anymore, then focused once again on the sound of the rain. I just wanted to be at peace. Just for one fucking minute before I did something I would regret.
And then OF COURSE the fucking teapot. I hear it again. It’s getting loud as fuck, and suddenly another ant bites the shit out of my foot, and then I swat off another I see on my arm while the sound of the teapot becomes deafening. I can’t stop imagining Alex, that stupid smug look on his face as he types his stupid fucking Twitter thread. I bet that’s that’s guy. I bet he’s fucking GatorGuy.
An ANNOYING bliding light fucks it’s way through my window. Is that Jimmy’s car? Gabi isn’t streaming today. Why the fuck was I seeing Jimmy’s car pull up. Relax, I told myself. Maybe he’s just here to attack. Maybe I’m finally getting a chance to show Gabi I’m her protector. Right? Please.
Gabi comes outside to meet him. They hug. They started swaying back and forth while they hugged. For such a long god damn time. She’s just appeasing him. There’s no way someone like h- FOR FUCK SAKE, THESE FUCKING ANTS WON’T STOP BITING ME.
The go inside, and I see flashes of those…. memes. The one’s where Jimmy is bending Gabi over, and I’m just in the background…
I start climbing out my window. A jump from here would get me on her roof but I’d get spotted. I closed the window, threw on my latex suit, turned on the signal jammer, and ran out of my apartment, up the stairs. I climbed onto the roof of my apartment and found a good angle. One where I could land perfectly on top of Gabi’s roof. If I fell through the roof, I would land on my mattress.
I sprinted, jumping high. When I landed on the roof, the impact really fucked up my knee. I’m actually kinda lucky that’s all that happened. I heard someone yell from inside, probably reacting to the sound. I started jumping up and down on the roof, making as much noise as possible.
In this moment, I did not have a plan. All I knew was that Gabi might be about to make a mistake, or… like…. be in danger y’know?
But then, because the universe fucking hates me, I slipped. I ended up sliding all the way down the roof, and into another tree. It partially broke my fall before I landed in the front yard but it fucking hurt. I was so angry I just started screaming.
I heard them running down the stairs. While I hid in the bushes, the front door flew open.
“Who’s there?!”
Yelled Jimmy. I froze. I’ve never heard him like this before. He sounded dangerous. I snuck back behind the unoccupied house, knowing I was hurt too badly to take him on now. Thankfully, by then I figured out a plan. I always do.
I grabbed a rock, and loudly broke into the unoccupied house through the glass door in the back. I left my spare latex suit there, then found a way back home without being spotted.
In my apartment, I turned the signal jammer back off. I called the police, telling them I saw a man in a full-body latex suit jumping on their roof before running into the unoccupied house next to it.
With police at Gabi’s house filing the report, Jimmy wouldn’t be able to do anything harmful. But then what? Maybe if I needed them to come back, I could say I spotted the elusive latex man again.
When the police were on their way, I started thinking. What the fuck did I just do? Was I really ready to lie to the police? I wanted to talk to Noah, but I didn’t want there to be any evidence.
Then I wondered why the hell he lied to me about the video. I saw that he sent another message, but I didn’t read it. I needed to focus, and be ready to follow through with the plan.
I met with the cops outside, and Gabi and Jimmy were out there with them. It was mostly a blur. I couldn’t remember which questions they asked us. But at some point Gabi looked at me and asked a question.
It took me a second to register what happened.
“W-What?”
“You said you saw him from your apartment right?”
She asked me. I was talking to fucking Gabi. In person. She didn’t seem to recognize me. I knew she hadn’t actually seen my face before, but it’s still weird she didn’t. I thought she would know somehow who I was. Something with my voice or my body language or… something!
But I realized it made sense. It was dark out, she could barely see me. She just got spooked by what she probably believes to be a crazy stalker. Whatever, fine.
“Yeah, my apartments right up there.”
I pointed at it, telling her what the number was. That was the first time I actually looked at my apartment from below. It looked so different from down here. My stomach did a triple backflip when I realized how easy it would be to see me staring out the window while my blinds were open. You can really see right in there.
The rain died down by the time the cops left, so we just stood outside, talking about how “crazy” the whole situation was. The whole time, I was just about ready to shit a hole in my pants, wondering if there was a way for them to suddenly realize it was me.
Jimmy stared at my window for a moment.
“So you actually have a perfect view of Gabi’s house from there it looks like.”
“Uh… guess I do.”
Gabi nodded.
“Indeed, perfect house for stalkers.”
We all had a hardly chuckle over that comment. Eventually though, they went back inside. As did I. I didn’t know what to do at that point. My head was spinning.
Eventually I saw Gabi’s blinds open again, and I realized I was just staring down at her window. Jimmy appeared beside her, and they laughed, waving at me. I waved back, also laughing as if I was doing something completely normal.
Well, I was. I was just making sure Gabi was safe. I left the apartment and went to sit in my car. Why? I don’t fucking know. I watched through her security system with my phone. They were checking out the cameras and the locks, making sure they still worked.
I was glad when I saw Jimmy leave just an hour later, and Gabi’s light turn off. I followed his car with mine. Listen, I know when there’s something wrong with somebody, and Jimmy is one hundred percent a fucking problem. I’ve decided already. I followed him all the way to the hotel he was staying at, watched him go inside, waited a bit, then put on my Papa John’s uniform. Well, at least the hat and shirt part. I always have that in my car.
I went inside the hotel like I always do. This was one I delivered to sometimes, and the person at the front desk recognized me.
“Is there a ‘Jimmy’ staying here?”
I said, holding up a random receipt and pretending to look at it.
“Last name?”
“We don’t have his last name.”
The clerk looked at the current occupants on her computer, and said there was a Jimmy in room 227.
“Thanks.”
I went up the stairs, followed the signs. Went down one hallway and then another. There it was, 227. Jimmy’s room. Now what?
I was just scouting today, but who knew when he would suddenly show up at Gabi’s house again? I needed to act fast. I needed to get him down into the bunker somehow.
I stood there helplessly for ten minutes, then just went back home. Even now, I cannot believe I just simply went home. I’ve never felt so defeated and useless in my life. As I laid down on the floor, I could feel the ants crawling all over me, biting the fuck out of me. I couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that I might mean nothing to Gabi.
Hell, she probably is fucking several other guys I didn’t know about. Noah was right to trick me into watching that video. Gator was right to tell me I was being cucked by Jimmy. Alex was right to say I couldn’t protect anyone. My landlord was right to say ‘pick up your shit’. The ants were right to think I was food.
It’s stupid, but part of me believed that Gabi knew all along that I was always going in her house. I thought we had an unspoken understanding that I would protect her from the shadows, and that one day, when she gained the confidence to accept the fact that she was worthy of love, she would say out loud “It’s time”, knowing only I was around to hear her. And then I would step out of the closet, and we’d face each other.
These are the thoughts I had in my mind, at my lowest point, when I had absolutely no confidence left.
I stood up and looked at my window. It looked weird with the blinds closed. It was so unbelievably dark in here. Some ants fell off of me while I walked over to the bathroom.
When I looked in the mirror, I started actually fucking hallucinating. Instead of seeing myself, I just saw the wall behind me. It’s like I wasn’t there. I pressed my fingers hard into the mirror until it slowly began breaking off in little chunks. My hand was unbelievably bloody already, just from those little pieces.
When a big shard broke off and fell into my hand, I was sure it’d get the job done. I held it up to my neck. Now I could see me. Now I could kinda see my reflection in what was left of the mirror. That’s how close I was. That’s how low my confidence was, at the time, before I heard my doorbell ring.
I might as well apologize to the landlord before I go, is what I thought, but instead I saw Gabi. Looking back, I realize she probably felt something and came right when I needed her.
“Hey, sorry if I woke you up.”
“Oh, no don’t worry at all! Did you n-need something?”
I was dumbfounded. I had no idea what to do except hide my bloodied hand from view and try to act natural.
She said she was having trouble sleeping, and thought she might as well come up to thank me again for making the report. We made smalltalk in between moments of silence.
“Hey… um… I have kind of a weird question to ask.”
“What is….”
That’s all I got out before my vocal chords completely closed themselves.
“Is it alright if I look through your window?”
“Definitely, come on in.”
I turned the light on and opened the blinds. She stood there looking at her own house the same way I did every day.
“Wow… You could actually get a good look at him from here.”
“Yeah, he was right there on the roof.”
I said, pointing to the spot I landed.
“Is that the tree he fell into afterwards?”
She asked, pointing at a now fucked-up pinetree.
“Yup.”
“Oh wow.”
We were silent for a moment.
“You know… If you want to, I can keep these blinds open and keep an eye out. Just in case that guy comes back.”
I said.
She looked at me and smiled. She said she would appreciate it. She went home, looking like she felt a little better. Was this her way of subtly telling me to keep doing what I was doing?
Wait, if this was the case…. Then does this mean I did the right thing by staying around when Jimmy was here? Does she actually want protection from Jimmy?! Of course she does!!!! THIS IS WHAT SHE HAS BEEN SAYING THE WHOLE TIME!!!! I GET IT NOW!!!
ALL THIS SELF DOUBT I FEEL, ALL BECAUSE OF THE GASLIGHTING. THE PEOPLE KEEP LYING TO ME. I AM THE PERSON SHE THANKED IN THE VIDEO, SHE WAS JUST SCARED OF JIMMY.
NO, WAIT, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. JIMMY IS GATORGUY. THAT’S WHY HE WANTED TO TAKE ME DOWN, HE WANTED GABI FOR HIMSELF. HE DOESN’T LIKE THAT SHE’S ALWAYS UNDER MY PROTECTION, THAT I ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN. I HAVE TO ACT FAST. I HAVE TO BRING HIM TO THE BUNKER. IT’S WHAT GABI WANTS. SHE LITERALLY JUST TOLD ME.