“Dannyyyyyy!!! I need you!!!
“Okey baby!!! I’m just going to run a few errands!!!”
“Hurry back!!! I’m feeling a little frisky. He he.!!!”
“I’ll be back shortly!!!”
I slammed the door and ran as fast as I could down the street. I have created something horrible in myself as well as my girlfriend. I’m a mess and I don’t know how to fix things.
I have spent a couple hours sitting by the tree on a trail by my neighborhood. This has become a normal thing for me. I can’t spend too much time with her, even though I have never been more turned on in my life……But that’s the whole problem. I’m so turned on all the time but even someone as sick as me knows that we’ve gone too far; It all started about a year and a half ago………
****
My first few years in college were spent eating and drinking too much as an escape which led me to the hospital more than five times and sent my scale and blood pressure too high for comfort. It became clear that if I didn’t change my habits, my degree would have been more useless than it is now. I stopped everything and became an old bore before the age of twenty-three.
My friends stopped coming around and I developed a depression that could only be combatted through working out and porn. Changing my habits and working out had the effects of giving me a good body, something that women noticed before I had. I’ve never been looked at for my body, so all this was new and exciting and became a new form of escape from the realities of school. However, my habit of porn mixed with my depression also had some effects I wasn’t expecting.
With porn being my only vice for a while, I had the urge to not just pleasure myself but to find the craziest stuff I could find. I never searched anything illegal, but I enjoyed the thrill of finding taboo content. It started off with anal, multiple partners, and other stuff that you might expect your average couple to partake in when they are feeling stale. At some point, however, I had fallen down the rabbit-hole that is BDSM. It started with cleche’ content like whipping which eventually led to stuff such as cucking, forced regression, humiliation, and other forms of mental bondage. This coincided with my new-found attractiveness, and I began to experiment with actual partners.
This being my only vice, I spent a lot of time toping myself in real life as opposed to online. I loved being cucked. I loved doing the cucking. My favorite thing was watching the reaction of the women as they realized they were just going to watch. The rush of knowing there was this confusing mix of pain and arousal that was almost impossible to understand. It was the same with other forms of humiliation. Me and the other women screamed at each other in public and got off to this exciting emotional pain. It felt as if I were a prisoner in my own body brought on magically by this other person. Being made subservient by an equal was humiliating and orgasmic and I loved doing that to people. However, like all amazing things, I developed a tolerance to these activities.
It got to a point where even forcing my partners to drink their piss began to lose its luster and was beginning to think that this thing was just a phase. I figured I would have to find another hobby, until one enlightening session.
I was mind fucking a sub, making her think that if she didn’t lick my urine that I was going to whip her. I did not have a belt at the time, so I picked up the closest object to me which turned out to be a knife. I smacked her in the arm expecting normal pain play, when I noticed that I accidentally cut her. The sight of blood awoken something in me, and it showed. The woman didn’t have any desire to keep going when she saw my face. She said it was like I had been possessed by some ancient pain demon. She left and I never saw her again. This began my obsession with blood.
It was clear, this fetish was a bit more intense than my others and finding people to play around with was more difficult. However, there were other disturbed individuals on this campus as well as around the town. The play started out relatively fun and light-hearted. I would lightly cut their arms and they would cut mine. The feeling I got was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I felt like a bird that figured out that one mistake that was keeping him on the ground. I was hooked and I wanted to keep pushing the envelope and cut deeper in weirder places. It became clear that I was more intense than my partners when my requests were freaking them out. Many of my partners wanted me to give them little slits and I wanted to just go deeper. The deeper I i went, the closer to nirvana I got. Even the ones who let me cut in places such as the clit, little spots between their fingers, and some spots on their necks, got scared and stopped calling me. It became clear that this fetish was becoming too extreme. I thought I was going to have to resort to snuff films. That is when I met Amy.
I met Amy in a biology class, and we immediately hit it off. Turns out, she was into similar stuff I was into and claimed it was the reason she wanted to get into medicine. Her interest in medicine made her curious as to what it would be like to be awake under the knife. She fantasized about waking up, people cutting into her as she was unable to do anything but feel pain and watch the blood pool. It didn’t take long for her to come over and become my consensual plaything.
I felt like an artist with that knife. I sliced my way to nirvana, and I could tell she got there before me. The more I pushed, the more divine I felt. There were times I went too far and cut into her stomach. Since she was interested in medicine (and had this obsession) she had learned how to sow wounds and I had never been happier. I had found a canvas for the using and she couldn’t have been more thrilled. However, I was getting a bit worried that I might go too far but was lulled into a sense of ease by how Amy reacted. She was on top of the world and that was all I needed. It didn’t matter to her that most of her belly was covered in scars. It didn’t matter that parts of her body were beginning to resemble a Jackson Pollock painting. All that mattered was that we found the road to happiness. I thought I had found the promise land until I took it a step too far, even for me.
We were going to have a normal Saturday night in. I bought a new blade at a hobby shop and was excited to use it on her. I hid behind the curtains in my apartment, waiting. I heard the lock click and immediately ran to her with the knife. With one valiant swing, I had me and her in a state of shock. I had dropped to the floor in awe of what I had done. I looked back and forth, from her, to her arm that was now on the other side of the room. Looking at her arm had ascended me to the next level of divinity in my mind. This time, however, what followed was a feeling of disgust. I don’t know why it took me this long to feel it and not even sure why this did it and not the mini surgeries I performed on her in my kitchen. I think it was seeing such an obvious mutilation. I saw a road and I realized right there that I didn’t want to go on it. I told her that after we sow her arm back that maybe we should reevaluate how to we do things. I was aroused but something about being a butcher didn’t sit right with me. To my surprise, she wasn’t freaking out. Her expression was that of bliss. I began to shake her a bit, telling her that we have to slow down and to get ready because I needed her help to put her arm back on. I got her to the counter and as I picked up the needle and thread to try and sow her up. I heard her speak softly; “No. Keep it off.”
I had spent the last two hours trying to convince her that this was not the way to go. She was pissed. She spoke to me as if I’d cheated on her and screamed and spit blood in my face as I tried to come up with defense after defense. Nothing seemed to change her mind. She had come into this relationship testing the limits and I had helped her find a road to greater pleasures. She was bleeding a lot and I tried to help her, but she thrashed and screamed, and I wasn’t able to stop her from falling onto the floor, causing her to roll into a mud pit of blood. I shook as she gave me the most bliss-full stare. She was in heaven and so was I. As much as I hated it, I had never felt this before. I felt as much pleasure as I felt pain. I had created a new feeling. Like a dark nirvana. A bizarro yin and yang. I was about to run but could hear her whisper; “Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Pleas……..” I saw her pale face and immediately ran to her and pushed her face into blood and had entered any wound I could find until we both came in a bloody ecstasy. I collapse onto her red body and shut my eyes. As I passed out, I could hear here whispering. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but It made me feel both aroused and nauseous. I fell asleep.
I woke up in a cold sweat in the living room. I checked the kitchen and found it spotless. I was beginning to wonder if last even happened when I noticed a note on the table. The same feeling from last night washed over me as I read Amy’s message;
I am now your puppet. I am broken, so take me a part
to find my malfunction. You must be observant as I am
tainted in every part of me. Check under the skin of my
legs, between some bone, and don’t forget my dirty mouth.
I am yours. Be my Geppetto and make me a real girl!
That’s when I remembered what Amy had whispered to me as I fell asleep. “If you choose to leave before I meet God, I will tell people you kidnapped me.” I was trapped, which gave me the feeling of fear and arousal. I ran to my room to grab my wallet when I saw Amy lying on my bed with rope tied to her arm. she winked and asked “Are ya ready, stud?”
****
It took me an extra hour to finally get back home. Our sex life gave me so much shame and pleasure. Sometimes the shame was too much to take. I had turned Amy and I into a monster and there was no way out of it. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted out, but I did miss normal interactions with people, but I now felt I had a purpose. I wish Amy would take a break once in a while. She never breaks character and as hot as it is, it makes me uncomfortable.
I opened the door to my apartment.
“Danny!!! Where the fuck have you been!!!???”
“Sorry!! I had to run downtown. Our regular place was low on snacks.”
“Get the fuck in here!!!”
I looked in the room to peak before we got started. She was nothing but a torso, arm, and head. I convinced her to keep at least one arm and she, reluctantly agreed. Amy had noticed my face and gave me a crooked smile.
“Come in here! I need fixing!”
I made my way over, wondering what my options were. I couldn’t leave at this point. There was no way this wouldn’t look bad for me if she called anybody. As I unzipped my pants, I noticed her pupils dilate to my throbbing member. She saw the knife in my pocket and screamed.
“Take my eye!!!”