That night. That night was the first time I heard it. Funny, because it wasn’t even me that heard it. It was a buddy of mine.
See, we had been doing a podcast for a year and a half. Nothing special, just us voicing our opinions, talking about our days, and letting the world know who we were. It was fun. Nothing stressful, nothing hard. Just a fun hobby to think about and fall back on when the days got too heavy.
I had always relied on these podcasts we did once every week. My life was by no means unbearable, but it wasn’t what one would consider enjoyable. Definitely wasn’t for me. So, the little reprieve I got in life I took with strides.
Tanner, the buddy of mine, is the funniest guy I’ve ever known. Comedy was always his calling but never his passion. All that pent up “funniness” had to go somewhere. Needless to say, the podcast was where I could actually enjoy life and forget about my anxiety surrounding the world.
Then there was this one night… This one night. This one short moment, actually. A moment I didn’t even catch myself.
We did the podcast online over a call because Tanner lived across the country. I had the luxury of simply sitting there and participating, while he actually did all the work. Most notable being recording.
On that night he thought he heard something. A whisper, he claimed. And it wasn’t me or him. I was quietly humming to myself, as I did. He was talking.
At first I thought he was messing with me. I didn’t hear anything. I brushed it off, but it was enough for Tanner to stop the recording. He needed to know what that whisper was. There was no one outside because it was nighttime. No one else lived with him. No one else lived with me. Neither of us had anything on in the background or our computers. It was just us… We thought so, at least.
When he first sent me the recording I was skeptical. Sure I believed in ghosts, but there are so many logical explanations to the unexplainable. I was never someone to jump the gun and assume ghosts. Then Tanner turned up the volume.
“No,” we heard. It was breathy, barely audible… But it was there. There was no doubt, it was there. Someone said no. Someone besides us.
The next word was a bit hard to make out. It took us some time. Tanner’s talking nearly drowned it out. While it was there, it was much quieter this time.
It was there, though. After some editing, some noise isolation, some more increased gain, and turning up our own computer’s volume, we finally heard it. To this day it still gives me chills. My legs felt weak under me. My arms felt like twigs. That same static sensation you get when your feet fall asleep - that overtook my limbs soon after. We didn’t want to hear what we thought we did, me especially.
“Humming.”
Tanner and I called it a night after that. We had spent an entire hour trying to figure out that last word, then almost another whole hour just talking about it. Of course he joked about it. Of course I laughed. In the back of my mind, though, I felt off. I felt cold and weak.
We said our byes and signed off for the night. I slept, thinking at first I wouldn’t be able to, but doing so without trouble. After that, Tanner and I joked about it some more, as I was an avid hummer. Something about humming soothed me, especially since I was known to overthink everything, causing my already anxious mind to become even more anxious. I could not stop even if I wanted to. Humming became second nature to me.
Our lives went on. Nothing happened afterwards. It was simply a cool story we told people, which then led to us showing them the recording and getting their take on the words. There were some pretty funny ones, like uh “Go puppy.” Still makes me smile a little today.
I wish that’s what that said.
One day, I visited the DMV for a new driver’s license. This was a few weeks after the recording. There was a particularly kind and gentle elderly woman at the desk. Her voice was high and her demeanor was far too pleasant for a DMV. She was the last person you would expect to give a command in a stern voice.
Yet she did.
I was humming quietly until she finished sorting everything. As I walked away, I heard her speak. I heard her say it.
“No humming.”
I paused. “What was that?” I asked her.
“What’s that, hon?”
She hadn’t heard me either. Her head was down. But if she was talking to me why would her attention be averted? And why would she not be ready for me to reply?
“Did you say something?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. Maybe you heard someone else.” She smiled and returned to her work.
“Yeah, maybe,” I told myself.
That was the first occurrence. At first they were spaced out. Every once in a while I would hear it from someone. At least, I thought I heard it. To be fair, I always had my back turned or my attention was elsewhere. But I know I heard it.
Then it became more frequent. The more frequent it became the more anxious I was. The more anxious I was, the more I hummed. The more I hummed… the more I heard those two words.
“No humming.”
Eventually I brought it up with Tanner. He didn’t tell me of any weird happenings on his end. All was well. All seemed well too.
Our podcast that night went off without a hitch. He was normal. I was trying to be normal. Luckily his charisma carried us through that night. I didn’t speak a word of my worries over the podcast. Neither did he, thankfully. Although, looking back now, I guess I kinda wished one of us had.
Before we ended our call, I realized I was humming again. I don’t know if I was doing it throughout the podcast, but I was doing it now for sure. For a moment my heart stopped. Sinking as if a brick in water, my heart plummeted.
Shit. I’m humming again.
I swallowed hard. Moments before Tanner could end the call, I stopped him. I told him I wanted to ask him something. I asked about his brother. Tanner’s brother also suffered from anxiety. Far worse than me, though. Regularly he would suffer panic attacks.
I asked Tanner how his brother dealt with that. It was a struggle all his life. Tanner said he didn’t know. His brother stopped talking to him a long time ago. His brother stopped talking to everyone. It had been a long time since they’d seen each other in person. Tanner was hoping soon they could meet up and he could finally force his brother to use the voice given to him.
Of course I was asked why I wanted to know about his brother afterwards. I played it off cool. Tanner and I have been friends for a while now. I knew how to lie to him. I didn’t know about his brother, though. Family was the one thing he never talked much about. Especially on the podcast.
“Okay, man. I’ll see you next time,” I said to him.
“Yeah, cool, man. Hit me up if you start feeling weird again,” he chuckled.
I played it cool, even though the thought sent chills through my bones. “Shut up, dude.”
“Nah, just playing. For real, though, if you’re still feeling weird, talk to me or Vanessa or someone. I don’t think you should keep ignoring it. Seriously.”
“I will. Thanks for looking out.”
“Of course, man.”
Tanner may have been a jokester, but he knew when to stop. And I could see it on his face through the screen, he meant every word.
“Alright Tanner, see ya.”
“Later. No humming.”
I froze immediately. Chilled knives plunged into my back. A surge of venom blasted through my body, yanking my hairs up, raising my skin, and numbing my sense of touch to static. My bulging eyes stared back at me in the empty call. I lingered like the stench of a corpse.
How could Tanner say that? Did he really say that? I saw his lips say that. No, no, no he would never be so cruel. His eyes were down too. He wasn’t even looking at me when he said it. It must have been a trick of the mind. I told myself I was getting too paranoid.
That was the first time I witnessed with my eyes and ears someone saying those two words.
Sleep didn’t come to me easily that night. Actually, I don’t know if I slept at all. I may have dozed off here and there, but I think I was awake that entire night. I don’t know. I can’t remember anymore. Most things then on became a blur. Nothing got easier, that’s for sure.
I started to fear everyone. I was dreading the moment they would say those two words. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t want to constantly ask people to repeat themselves, or ask if they heard what I did. It was easier not to speak than to risk it. Than to risk looking stupid. Than to risk wasting someone’s time. Than to risk my sanity.
My anxiety took stronger hold of me than a mother’s love. My legs shook constantly. My hands fidgeted with everything they held. My eyes rarely stayed on one point. And my humming… never stopped. I couldn’t stop.
I began to hear it. Not just those two words, no. I began to hear humming. In my apartment, in my very own home where it all began. For the first time since the recording, I heard that voice again. I heard it humming.
Down the hall, when it was darkest, I heard it. A slow, flat tone echoed throughout my apartment. It was no lullaby. It was no normal song on the radio. It sounded dark. It sounded sinister. It sounded… happy. Happy to finally be so close to me. Overjoyed to know its torturous effects on me. Jubilated to finally be heard so clearly; to not need the voice of another. And I heard it clearly. Clearer than any word ever spoken to my face.
Immediately I pulled out my phone and hit record. The original recording could be misconstrued. My hearing of those two words could have been from a loss of sanity. But this was different. This existed in the real world.
I thought.
Replaying the video, I heard nothing. Even after the humming from the hall stopped, the video was silent… So I started humming. Sobbing and giggling at the same time, my phone fell to the floor as my nails went to my teeth. Like a crying clown, I hummed a whimsically sad tune.
“No humming.”
Vanessa, my girlfriend, finally came to me after everything had gotten worse. Weeks passed without a single word from me. She called and texted, but I never answered. She knocked on my door, but I never answered. She only managed to catch me by waiting outside my apartment. Beyond furious to see her, I stormed into my bedroom and locked myself in.
“Liam! Whatever it is, I just want to help! Please, come out. I know you’re going through a lot, I can see it. I know you’re having a rough time. It’ll only get worse if you keep shutting yourself in. Trust me, I know! Please, just let me in! I want to help you, baby! It’s not just you. You’re not alone!”
I shouldn’t have, but I snapped at her. I couldn’t hold back my rage. Venom in my voice and spit on my lips, I screamed at her like an animal. “Stop talking! Just shut your mouth and go away! You’re worthless! I don’t want anything to do with you!”
She began sobbing. I heard her from the other side. She was alone. So was I. We had always been. Except for when we were together. Even my closest friend never really understood my struggles. But Vanessa did. Maybe if I had just opened the door that night the torture may have ended.
Vanessa never left me that night. We sat with our backs to the door. She never stopped crying. All night I covered my ears. Not because I was afraid to hear those two words or the humming. I was ashamed of what I said. I was ashamed of the pain I caused.
I cried too.
Vanessa could not stay with me forever. Life moves on. She couldn’t come back either. I never gave her my key, and I never left again.
Tanner had been trying to get into contact, too. I had missed several podcasts at that point. Like Vanessa, I never answered him either. I couldn’t bear the thought of embarrassment. What would I tell him? I’m being tormented by the voice we heard? That I see and hear people saying it? That I’m actually hearing it in my apartment? He’d never believe me. I just couldn’t let him in either.
Or so I thought. Next thing I knew Tanner showed up at my apartment door. He was begging me to let him in and asking me if I could just let him help. Whether I should have been furious or relieved, I couldn’t decide.
Being home alone for so long, I was beginning to feel loneliness unlike ever before. Since Vanessa’s visit, I hadn’t left the house once. I was too scared to be heard or hear someone else. I suppose I chose to be relieved because I let Tanner in. With lots of reluctancy, mind you. But I was glad I did.
Hearing someone else’s voice, someone familiar, someone friendly, after all that time felt like nothing I had ever experienced before. Imagine your most cathartic memory. Finally walking again after a paralyzing injury. Caressing your firstborn in your own hands. Laying eyes on a loved one you haven’t seen in so long. Just being with someone after complete isolation. Imagine how happy you were, how grateful you were to still be alive… I don’t think I could ever feel that kind of catharsis again.
Tanner and I stayed up late into the night that day. We joked and laughed, something I hadn’t done in forever. We played games, watched movies, drank, and simply lived in the moment. I knew in that moment that this was a person I could never let go of. This was a person I needed in my life.
That led me to ask if I should call Vanessa and apologize about everything. He told me not to. Not yet, at least. “Give her some room, first, buddy. You two need time to heal. For now, let’s just kick it. I’ll be here with you for as long as you need.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. Thanks, man. Seriously,” I said, nearly choking up. I put a hand on Tanner’s shoulder and gave him a firm shake. “You’re the best friend any guy could have. I couldn’t be here without you, man.”
“Neither could I,” Tanner chuckled.
“I still can’t believe you flew all the way across the country.”
“I can’t either, man. I can’t either.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Do what? Fly across the country? I don’t know, man. I just knew you needed someone. Who better than your best friend? You do trust me most of all, right?”
“Heh. I don’t know about most,” I joked.
“Yeah, alright, buddy,” he chuckled.
We sat on the couch for some time longer in silence. I don’t remember what we were watching, but it didn’t matter. I was just glad to have some company.
Then I heard humming.
A black hole suddenly opened in my stomach, forming an endless pit. My eyes shot open as if I was suddenly free-falling from the highest peak on Earth. I sprang to my feet and looked towards the hall around the corner.
My sudden reaction startled Tanner. He cussed and leapt off the couch. “What’s wrong, man? You good?”
“Did you hear it? Did you hear the humming? Did you hear it, Tanner!”
“Hey, calm down, Liam. Just take a second to catch your breath and calm down. It’s all good, man.”
“No, Tanner! I heard it! I heard it humming! It’s still here! It’s still taunting me!”
“Hey, hey, man. It’s all good. That was me. That was me humming!”
I glared at him with shock and betrayal in my eyes. “You… were humming?” I asked furiously.
“I’m sorry man,” he said, pressing a hand against his chest. “I wasn’t thinking, man. You know me, Liam. I’d never do anything to harm you or upset you. I just forgot, I’m serious. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. It was just second nature, but it won’t happen again. I swear I won’t do it again.”
“You swear!” I shouted.
“I swear, man. I swear to you I won’t hum again.”
I looked over my shoulder. I stared at the darkness seeping around the corner. It was silent. Then I turned back to Tanner. His hands were up in surrender.
Finally, I sighed. My shoulders slumped and I immediately felt light-headed. Collapsing on the couch like a heavy crash dummy, Tanner swooped in right next to me.
“Hey, you good, man? You need some water or something?”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Yeah. Just some water.”
“Sit here and take it easy. I’ll be right back.”
Tanner swung around the dark corner and flicked the light on in the kitchen. He came back in seconds with a glass of cold water. I sipped it steadily. Tanner watched me like I was a child, making sure I didn’t choke or something.
“Thanks, bro,” I told him.
“No problem, man. Sorry again. It’s my fault this happened.”
“No, no. You’re fine,” I assured him.
“No, man. It’s because of me. If I hadn’t made you listen back to that recording. If I hadn’t gotten so paranoid. If I would have just continued on as if nothing happened…”
“Hey, man. You’re good,” I smiled. “Nothing to worry about. It’s not your fault. I promise.”
A small smile lifted up the corner of Tanner’s lips. “Alright, man.”
We went back to watching TV. I wished I could say we went back to normal.
“Can I be honest with you for a second?” Tanner suddenly asked.
“Sure. What is it?” I asked, without turning to look at him.
“I didn’t actually fly here.”
“What do you mean? You drove, then?” I chuckled. “Am I that important to you?”
“No, man. I don’t mean that either.”
“Mind just telling me, then?”
“Call me.”
I looked over at him. His eyes were still glued to the TV. There was a small smirk on his face, as if he was planning a prank.
“What?” I asked.
“Go on, bro. Call me. You’ll love this. I recorded a new voicemail.”
“Alright.” I was confused, but also did what he said without thinking. I went to my contacts and called Tanner. The phone rang for a few seconds. Then I heard Tanner’s voice.
“Liam! Dude! You alright, man? I’ve been trying to reach you forever now! W-what happened! You alright?”
My brows furrowed. I kept my eyes on Tanner, waiting for the punchline. It never came.
“Liam, dude! You still there? Are you good? What’s happening?”
“Tanner?” I meekly asked.
“Yeah?” they both said.
My heart sank. The phone nearly fell because of my sweaty hands. My heart was in my throat. The same pit in my stomach opened again. I began hyperventilating
“Liam! Liam! What’s happening? Talk to me, man!”
“T-tanner,” I stuttered. “How are you doing this?”
“Doing what, man? I’m not doing anything. I’m at home.”
The phone fell.
Tanner finally turned to look at me. His movement was slow. He started smiling. Slowly it became wider and wider. By the time we finally stared face-to-face, a gaping maw took the place of his mouth. The corners of his lips stretched to his ears, forming a grotesque smile.
“Tanner!” I shrieked, falling to the floor.
“Liam! Li–” The phone died.
“Tanner!” I cried again.
Tanner slowly rose to his feet. Then he lurched forward. I hurriedly stumbled to my feet. The floor felt like puddy and my legs like static. I backed against the door.
“This isn’t real,” I muttered. “This can’t be real.”
Tanner continued to approach me. He said nothing. He only smiled with absolute elation. His eyes burned through my soul… I couldn’t help but begin humming in utter fear.
“No humming,” Tanner then said.
Those two words were like fire in my ears. Mashing my palms into my ears and slamming my eyes shut, I screamed, “Go away!”
When I opened my eyes, Tanner was no longer there. In his place stood someone else. A man, an older man dressed all in black. The wrinkles on his face stretched more so by the enormously malformed smile. Spaced out on his bald scalp fell dark and drenched strands of blonde hair.
He stood there in his true form. I saw him. I could finally see him. And he’s been seeing me. I could not scream. I could not even hum. I was petrified.
He lurched forward. With each step, the lights and TV flickered. Somehow, the closer he got the wider his mouth became. I didn’t know what to do. Anxiety weighed me down like the ocean.
Whether it was courage or survival instincts, I broke free of the fear. Snapping my keys off the rack beside the door, I sprinted out and down the hall. I never looked back once. But no matter how fast I ran or how little I cared about my surroundings, I couldn’t escape the humming. Chasing me like a shadow, it would not let go.
I made it to my car and hopped in. I had never been so carefree for it or public property, but in that state of panic I drove with abandon. The little bit of logic remaining told me to get on the freeway to get as much distance as possible and avoid as many accidents as possible.
I thought I was safe there. The road was dark. The sun would not be up for quite a few more hours. At least I had escaped, though. There was no plan or idea. I just needed to get away. Maybe once the sun was out, I could finally visit Vanessa. That was if she would even let me. I wasn’t sure she wanted anything to do with me anymore.
As I drove, I still couldn’t believe that wasn’t really Tanner back there. I spilled my guts to him. I shook his hand, hugged him, and drank with him… To find out I had been with that man instead, that whole time… I couldn’t help but feel nauseous.
What was he? Could he have taken the form of anyone? What did he want from me? I hum, so what? Everybody hums! Everybody!
I couldn’t take it anymore. There I was, driving on the freeway in the middle of the night, nowhere to go, nobody to fall back on. I was alone and afraid. How did my life come to that? And how would I go about making everything normal again?
It was too much for me. I wasn’t built for all this. I nearly pulled over to cry. I just wanted everything to go back to what it was.
But what was it, actually? What was life before all this? I may have been living in absolute misery since the recording, but it’s not like there was much good before. I was still scared then. Less so, sure, but scared still. Maybe the answer wasn’t to go back, but forward.
I realized then that I had been driving that whole time in silence. I turned the radio on. Again, it was comforting to hear someone else’s voice. Music wasn’t even playing. I was content with a radio host blabbering on and on about his day. It reminded me of the podcast. Better days came to mind then. I smiled.
“And believe it or not, folks, some say you aren’t supposed to whistle at night,” the radio host informed. “Yes, I know. Really. An old, old superstition rooting from China and Korea. Fascinating reason, really! Listen to this!”
I couldn’t lie, I hadn’t been listening to what he was saying. Until then. For some reason, I found myself enthralled. I couldn’t help, but listen.
“According to their beliefs in the east, spirits are said to come out at night. That would explain all the paranormal activities,” he laughed. “Now you can see why whistling at night might draw some worry. If spirits are active at that time, they’ll hear you. That’ll lead them straight to you, like a bell signaling dinnertime. That makes you folks the meal!” He laughed again, cracking up as if that was the greatest joke ever told to man.
The radio host wouldn’t stop laughing. Several seconds passed, and still he kept laughing. I was beginning to grow unnerved. “Was it that funny?” I asked myself.
His cackling eventually ceased. Like a man shot dead he stopped abruptly. Keeping my eyes on the road, I waited for him to return. When he didn’t I reached for the radio and switched stations.
Silence.
“What’s going on?” I asked with a shaky breath.
“But you know what, folks?” the radio host continued. “Not only are you not supposed to whistle at night… You aren’t supposed to hum either.”
My heart sank. Chills rippled through my body as if someone plunged a dagger through my chest. Denial quickly took over me. “No, no, no, no, no,” I kept repeating. Smacking the radio screen over and over again, I kept changing the station. Yet every station sounded the same. Every station had the same host, talking about the same thing.
“No, please!” I pleaded.
“And I believe the same rules apply,” said the radio host in a dark but sweet tone. “Should you hum at night… when spirits are out, when they are playing, when they are looking for someone, when they are listening, you are bound to lead one towards you.” The radio host giggled slightly. “You are bound to bring one into your home. That is why, folks, you do not hum at night. That is why…”
“No, no, no, no! Please! Please, no!” I punched the radio to ruins. My knuckles were red with blood. Small shards of glass stuck out from my flesh. I winced at the thin streams of blood running down my trembling arm.
At least now I had a destination. The hospital. At least now the radio was silenced. Then I looked up.
There he was!
I yelped, throwing the steering wheel to the side, then quickly to the other side again. The car swerved and screeched. I clenched my jaw and gripped the steering wheel. Thankfully I didn’t crash, but the sudden shock caused me to stop the car.
Sitting for a moment, I panted. I needed to catch my breath after that. My chest was tight. You’d swear my heart was about to burst out. I held my head too. The spinning really made me want to throw up.
I looked around, checking to see if any cars bore witness. None were around. Not a single one.
That’s when I saw him again. In the rear view mirror, there he was. Standing there, still smiling. He was staring at me. I couldn’t look away. I felt that if I did he would appear in front of the car again.
Our eyes stayed locked. My mouth was dry. My throat was itchy. I didn’t know what to do. Then, he mouthed those two words.
Immediately I drove off. I didn’t look back once. I simply buried my foot into the gas pedal. The car roared and accelerated. The best case scenario was I’d be pulled over by a cop. Maybe even be taken to jail. At least there I wouldn’t be alone.
The thought was somewhat relieving. That was when I - without intention - glanced in the rear mirror. My eyes split open.
He was sprinting after me!
In the most unnatural and disturbing way, his arms and legs shot forward with each stride. He gleefully chased after. He was so giddy. Like an adult chasing after a child, I had the sense he could’ve caught me at any time. He was toying with me. Even well above 100 miles per hour, he was getting closer. And somehow, his smile was getting bigger.
“No, no, no! Come on! Go faster!” I roared. The car was speeding up, but not fast enough.
I looked in the mirror again. It took more courage than anything I had ever done in my life, but I looked again. I needed to know how close he was. To my surprise, he wasn’t there. My heart skipped a beat as I realized he may have been in front again. I shot my eyes forward. He wasn’t there either.
I glanced in the other rear mirrors. Nothing. I knew better than to relax, though. He was still there. Somewhere. It didn’t matter if I couldn’t see him. He was still chasing me. He didn’t stop before. He wouldn’t have then.
Then I heard humming. I heard humming, but it was not from outside. It was inside.
Tears began welling in my eyes. I began trembling uncontrollably. I could barely hold onto the steering wheel with my hands covered in sweat. The car started slowing. My strength was fading. I’ve never been religious, but in that moment I began praying.
I knew I needed to look back. I couldn’t ignore the humming. It was as if he was right next to my ear.
Quickly, I shot my eyes up to the mirror, then back down. I didn’t see anything. So I did it again. I looked up, then back down. Still nothing. I stared up at the mirror, shifting around in my seat to get all the angles. Nothing, again.
I still had no trust in what I saw. I turned all the way around, looking past the figure and over my shoulder. Nothing in the backseat. Then I turned back to the road, passing the figure again.
Figure?
I gasped. Then I crashed.
Now I’m here. I sit in this hospital. I’m surrounded by white walls. I’m surrounded by love and kindness.
What about moving forward? Doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now. Had I done something different earlier, maybe this could have ended differently. But I didn’t.
It’s not so bad, though. There’s nothing to worry about anymore. There’s no cause for anxiety anymore. I may not be able to walk anymore, but at least I have people that care for me. They’re great.
I just wish I could say thank you.