I have an extremely rare medical condition: without going much into details - a part of my brain has a rare genetic mutation. As a result - I am unable to recognize human faces. I see them as a deformed mess of ears, teeth, eyes and nostrils in the most gruesome combinations possible. Sometimes it’s not that bad - I see a person with a nose protruding from his cheek or an ear placed over the forehead. But on other occasions - it’s just pure nightmare fuel: gaping mouths instead of eye sockets with locks of hair stretching out of them, or wrinkled blank face covered with enormous pores. The scariest one so far was the post lady, who appeared as a monstrous creature staring at me with dozens of eyes.
Doctors say they are helpless: there’s no cure, as the mutation is not studied properly. There’s no medicine either that could help with symptom reducing. I’m honestly doing my part - each week I pay a visit to the research center for tests, samples and consulting. But years passed and we’re still at the starting point.
I have this problem ever since I realized myself. My Mom remembers that I was a very loud child - I’ve cried at all times. She says that she was really upset at first, thinking she was a horrible mother, as I’d always start crying once I saw her face. Yes, she blamed herself for some reason. But as I grew up and started to form a personality - it became obvious that something is not okay with me.
Growing up was hard - when I was a kid my condition freaked me out on each and every occasion. Once any of my parents walked in to my room my whole body would convulse in fear and disgust. You see, in my perception there are no “familiar” faces, each time I see the same person - it’s always something new. You just can’t get used to it.
Because of this I didn’t have that many friends in my childhood. But my family was very supportive, so I got all the latest games, comic books and other cool things. Besides, I had quite a number of penpals all over the country, so it was fine.
It took quite some time to get in harmony with the fact, that at least two other people are living with me under same roof, and seeing them could potentially make me throw up at the spot. But somehow I’ve managed - I just tried my best not looking at them, and god bless my parents - they were caring and understanding people, who acted as if this is actually how the things were supposed to be.
I never went to school, preferring learning at home. Never got to my graduation party, though finished the thing with a diploma. I avoided seeing people at all cost. Even the TV was a no. But life was still good - I’ve enjoyed the books, my trips to the back country, the sun, my pet dog Lu and many more things.
Time passed, I’ve celebrated my 25th birthday, my Dad retired and picked up fishing as his new hobby. My Mom, who has always been a housewife invented new dishes on daily basis, treating us with good food, love and tenderness. I even landed a job, where I could simply work from home, without seeing other people.
Everything was perfect, but as you might know - good things don’t tend to last. At some point in my life I’ve felt an overwhelming loneliness and my heart was yearning. All those books and all those stories about mighty warriors and their beloved ones, the classic literature about knights and dames - I was ignoring it for so long, and here we are - I found myself in desperate need of just holding someone close, embracing with my whole body.
But how would a freak like me find somebody to love in a worlds, where every single person looks like an abomination from the worst nightmares? At this point, you might be wondering - how would I tell a difference between a distorted face and a normal one? It’s simple: first of all, as I’ve said already - sometimes the deformation is not that grotesque, so you can tell that a normal face has symmetry and hair growing only at certain zones. Secondly - biology class and my books gave me a good understanding of what is considered pretty when it comes to humans. So, yeah, I’m not an expert but I came prepared.
Fun fact: when it comes to some graphical materials like comic books, cartoons or puppets - I see the same level of distortion in facial features, though once my dad took my Batman issue and painted over several faces with a sharpie: mouth in one picture, eyes in another and so on. This worked. I could see proper head shapes and other features in the ones with the eyes crossed out. So that way we tricked my brain.
Unfortunately, that didn’t work for real life situations, as observing my dead wearing shades, blindfolded or even with a cardboard box on half of his head didn’t result in success: all I saw was an old man’s malformed head with slurping tongues stretching out here and there.
So, yeah, my despair was endless. Of course, I could cover my eyes and go meet somebody with poor sight , so we would be on the same note, but that just felt wrong. So I didn’t.
Breaking point happened couple of weeks later. I’ve met a girl.
That day I was chilling at the lake not that far from our house. It was surrounded by woods and not so many people showed up here in the early autumn. Summer - yes, endless BBQs and swimming parties, but not now. Chewing on a sandwich Mom made me and swallowing another fantasy book I didn’t notice how she appeared behind me.
“Oh, hello. Didn’t expect to meet anybody here” - she said. “What’s your name?”
I’ve instantly dropped my eyes to the ground, as if I was just a shy guy (not that I wasn’t, but you understand).
“It’s Peter. Sorry, you’ve jumpscared me a bit.” - I’ve replied.
“Nice to meet you, Peter. I’m Emily. Do you come here often?” - she giggled in response.
And we started talking for what seemed like hours. By the end of the day it felt as if I knew Emily for all my life. We had lots and lots in common: music, books, love for nature and dogs, same food preferences. It was too good to be true, yet I was there, sharing my interests with another human being in flesh. A real woman.
“Say, Peter, can I ask you something personal?” - she said as we were heading back through the forest trail.
“Yes, of course. Shoot”- I laughed in response.
“I don’t know if it’s polite to ask about things like this, but… Are you avoiding looking me in the eyes, or something?” - she sounded as if she was really uncomfortable with her question.
I’ve briefly explained my condition without going into much details and she listened carefully without interrupting me a single time.
Then she simply stretched her palms towards me and softly closed my eyes.
“Try it out. Touch my face” - she said. I couldn’t resist, so I’ve slowly raised my hands and with the very tips of my fingers tried to reach out. Her skin was so soft and smooth. She had a small nose and a pair of puffy lips. Her hair was streaming over the back of my hands as if it was a silk scarf. I felt blood rushing through my veins as if something deep inside of me opened the valve in attempt to drown me from the inside.
I went for it and in a glimpse of a second our lips were touching. I’ve felt her soft warm breath and her hands buried in my hair. My eyes weren’t closed anymore. I’ve finished my first kiss and instinctively looked back at her.
In front of me stood the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen many, but she was perfect. Her face was absolutely normal in my perception. No, not normal. Gorgeous, marvelous, it was a nature’s masterpiece.
“How did… I mean… Why?” - I’ve stuttered instantly. Did we somehow manage to trick my brain? How did this happen? Why are my symptoms gone?
“Well, he-he. I don’t know Peter. Maybe your brain just lacked a kiss and a hand to touch?” - she laughed back.
That’s how I’ve met my girlfriend. Should I say that she became my whole world? Soon enough we started to hang out each single day, after I’ve finished my work routine. She was caring and understanding - we always chose some isolate places for our walks, so that nobody could disturb us, causing my symptoms to kick in.
I told her my stories, she shared hers. We talked and talked and then some more. My life was whole again.
After couple of months I’ve decided that Emily was my destiny. Saved some money and bought her an engagement ring.
“Hey, why don’t we stop by my place for a family dinner, so you could meet my parents?” - I’ve asked her, making my plan work. I would propose to her that evening, that sounded pretty romantic to me.
“I’m not sure, Peter. I’m not that good with strangers. I’m always afraid that I’ll say something wrong and upset people around me. I don’t know…” - she said shyly, examining the tips of her shoes.
“Nonsense. You’re the most sweet person I’ve ever met. My Mom and Dad will be happy to know you. Let’s do it!” - I insisted.
“Well, if you say so. Sure” - she smiled back at me - “Pick me up at our regular spot”.
Next day I’ve dressed for the occasion, put on my best perfume and went to the tree at the lake, where we first met. There she was already. So pretty in that green dress, with her hair combed, waiting for me.
I didn’t shut up for a single moment as we walked back to my place. Asked my Mom to cook something fancy for tonight, as we would have a very special guest. She was surprised, but didn’t ask much.
As we walked closer to the house - the smell of baked meat was all over. I just understood that I didn’t eat anything that day - that’s how excited I was.
“You ready?” - I’ve asked her, and she just nodded with the smile.
I’ve reached for the door bell.
I never could predict what would happen next…
As the door opened and my senses cranked up to the tips of my nerves - I’ve experienced reality as in slow motion.
My Dad & Mom were at the door, smiling at me, saying something. Probably “Hi” or “Welcome”, still wasn’t looking at their faces. Then, suddenly, the silence hanged between us for what felt like eternity.
And then the screaming started. My mother squealed at the top of her lungs covering her head with her arms. I couldn’t help myself and raised my sight to see her face. I was able to register the eyes of hers, which were pouring with primeval fear. My Dad didn’t make a sound. He just collapsed on the floor, losing consciousness. I’ve rushed to him immediately, checking his pulse.
“Call 911!” - I’ve shouted to my mother, but she wouldn’t stop screaming. Her voice gone hoarse already, but she continued wailing, seeming unable to look away from Emily, who stood there with her hands over her mouth and with eyes full of tears.
Then she just turned around and ran away into the night. I called the ambulance and tried to calm down my mother, with no result.
My Dad died next morning due to heart failure. My mom, who never stopped wailing and seemed to lose her ability to speak was taken to a psychiatric ward in a town nearby. Doctors said that they’ve never seen anyone in such a disastrous state of shock.
Police came over and asked me hundreds of questions. They were extra suspicious of me, due to my refuse to look them straight in the eyes. But after I’ve explained myself - the ice had melted and by the end of the day they left me alone with my grief.
Dad’s funeral was a week after. Only a couple of other people showed up. The man sacrificed his social life to help his problematic kid have a better childhood. I felt miserable and couldn’t help myself bursting in tears.
I was left all alone. Last time I’ve visited my mother - doctors said that there’s a probability she’ll never recover to her formal self.
What the hell happened that night? What did they see in Emily? A monster? A freak? I see most grotesque and bizarre visions of unspeakable horror on daily basis, though I didn’t take my life or go crazy. What could possibly be so wrong with her, it costed lives of two adult people?
I looked for her everywhere: our common walking trails, places she mentioned in her stories, social media - no result.
All I am left with - this handwritten note, that was stuck to the tree near our lake. It reads:
“Peter, I hope we meet again someday. I am sorry…”