I need advice. I’m terrified and I need advice.
I’ve always been a long sleeper. I go to bed early and wake up late. My girlfriend, Lucy, on the other hand, is a night owl. This combination has developed in me, a habit of falling asleep to the quiet ambient noise of electronic speakers. Whether it be a conversation between George and Jerry or some LA vlogger going on about the latest Starbucks drink. Most recently it’s been the ever changing sounds of the doom scroll on Tik Tok.
Monday started out as any other, except for my allergies making it impossible to concentrate at work. I expected it, with the changing seasons. But this was worse than ever before and I had scheduled a doctors appointment that day. The evening was uneventful. Lucy and I fell into our nighttime routine. As the sunset slipped away, we lay back to back, but close together. My eyes were already closed, but I opened them briefly to check my morning alarm.
The room was mostly black. The wall, illuminated slightly by Lucy’s phone light. I could hear quietly, some popular hip hop song, a boy talking, an ad for face lotion. I closed my eyes again and was soon asleep.
I awoke with the urge to pee. The night had progressed. The room was blacker. The wall was still illuminated. As I opened my eyes and oriented myself, I heard screaming. Children screaming.
“Luc …”, no response.
Ever so slightly louder, “are you still awake?”
“Yea.” A click. The room turned totally black.
“What were you watching? I heard screaming?”
“Oh, just this stupid Tik Tok. This lady who works at a daycare put on a scream mask and scared the kids. So stupid. She’s going to get calls from the parents”.
“That’s so messed up”.
I went to the bathroom and returned. I could tell Lucy had closed her eyes.
Tuesday passed by quickly. I felt more myself at work. Lucy texted me, mentioning an all day conference on Thursday. She’d be back by the evening, but it would be a long day for her. Early start, late end.
Tonight there was no Tik Tok. Lucy found a new show on Netflix. I was reliant on her for cultural awarness. The main character received a cancer diagnosis. The rest, Lucy would have to fill me in as I fell asleep before her again.
This time, I simply awoke. It felt like I hadn’t slept much. Again, light on the wall. The quiet sound of Lucy’s phone. But this time, men screaming? No, yelling. I heard a frantic ‘Shit no! Shit no! No way this is happening!’.
“Luc, what are you watching?” I said it at full volume.
“Huh?!” Lucy was startled. “Oh sorry, I guess it’s time to put it away”.
“What were you watching though?”
“Oh, it was some dudes who lost a motocross race or something. My algorithm is so weird.”
We fell asleep.
As Wednesday went on, my mind went back to the night before. That video, the yelling. That aside, I was a little concerned at how late Lucy was staying up. She struggled with insomnia before. Those Tik Tok’s probably weren’t helping. My plan was to discuss it on the weekend. She had that conference tomorrow. That would be on her mind.
As we lay in bed, Lucy perked up for a moment. She warned me. An alarm would go off in a few minutes. It would be a trigger to put her phone down. I was pleased. Lucy recognized her bad habit on her own. Maybe there was nothing to discuss this weekend.
I stared at the wall. Eyes open for a minute, then closed for another. An elderly couple talking. Their voices shaky and broken. ‘Oh my god! Oh my god! No, no, no.’ I sat up quickly.
“What is up with that app Lucy?”
“What?”
“That app! There’s always someone screaming, or yelling, or upset about something!” I only now noticed the anger in my voice. I quickly settled down.
“Okay, jeez. I’m sorry.” The phone clicked closed.
“Uh. I’m sorry. I’m just really tired.”
“Don’t worry, I should sleep anyway.”
That’s when it happened. The room went black. I was under the covers. Tight. In the middle of the bed. Her feet hidden by the bed, Lucy was there. In front of the TV. Floating. Mouth wide open, eyes white, shining. She rose slowly. I felt absolute terror. Her feet slowly became visible and she started to approach. I tried to move. I tried to scream. My head sank into the pillow, slightly sideway. So deep, half my mouth was covered. Then, a jolt, and I was upright.
The room filled with light. She was gone. I was alone. My first thought was to call in sick to work.
What was that? My mind danced between different pieces of information. The video’s she was watching. I only heard them, never saw them. What was she watching?
As I paced the room I thought of some option. Simply confront her? Call a doctor? A priest?
After about 30 minutes of uncontrolled contemplation, I went to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water. Suddenly, I realized my mania. It could have been a bad dream. Lucy probably didn’t want to wake me and left before I woke. It all started to click. I decided to try and get some rest. Sleep wouldn’t find me, but I could rest.
The evening came and early sunset brought a violent red into the sky. Slightly seeping into the living room where I sat. Despite my rationalizations, my heart jumped when Lucy pulled up.
There she was! A small knife in hand. Her phone held up beside her head. Camera turned front. A smile on her face. It felt like she was running towards me, yet it’s clear her pace was walking.
I stepped back as she opened the door.
“Luc! What are you doing?”
No response. She approached.
“Luc!!”
Still nothing.
I ran upstairs. The only way out. Opening the window to the roof. The damn bug screen. I virtually destroyed it. Turning back I saw her there again. The only option was to jump.
I write this from the nearby forest. Ankle twisted.
I need advice. I’m terrified and I need advice.