God damn my soul. I did not know if I had the courage or heart to open either of the two padded envelopes in front of me. I could have easily opened neither one and drowned my sorrows at the bar; a path which would have eternally harmed the person I love most in this world, Edwin.
I had to open at least one of them up, not only for him but for the little sanity I had left. One envelope, a dirty brown one from all the years of storage, came from my grandmother Estella, the Sorceress.
Estella grew up in the Mantaro Valley of Jauja in Peru during the 1940’s. To the patriarchy of her village, her crimson black robe and defiance of the Church was just the start to her incorrigible character. No woman in her age should’ve been able to read or write, much less command the respect and fear of her village. For that, she earned her nickname, La Hechicera.
To the other women in the village, she was the counselor to their miserable marriages and the shield to the endless intimidation tactics used against them. No soul in Jauja could insult her name without divine retaliation, much less insult those who sought her for counseling.
When I was a child, we received a visit from Doña Maria Fernandez, a benevolent tailor whose face now carried a weave of cuts and deep purple bruises.
At the sight of Doña Fernandez’s face, Estella’s fist clenched and her face burnt in rage. Her heavy breath only yielded three words; “Was it him?”
After Doña Fernandez’s catatonic nod, Estella held her close, told her she was safe with us, and invited her to our yard. I was tasked with lighting a bonfire while she poured a mandrake into the flame. Over images of ancient Incan demons, she then fervently chanted in Quechua, her native language.
“Pachamama, Kay wiracocha tukuyta paganqa”
From the flames of the ember, a humanoid shape appeared. This humanoid, a faceless man, had sudden agony interrupt its confusion. Its screams of torture still haunt the depth of my soul to this day.
“What… Maria…Where am I? Why are you standing next to that goddamn bitch Estella?”
“Silence, peon.”
Estella’s snapping fingers empowered the red flame’s blaze and the figure began to writhe in more pain.
“Did you do this?” Estella interrogated as she pointed to Doña Fernandez.
“No.. I didn’t, she fell down the stairs.”
Estella then threw a herb into the flames, causing it to turn blue and the figure’s mass to lessen.
“Estella please… let me go. Even if it was me, it wasn’t that bad. I promise I will be better. I’m sorry.”
She let this go on for another ten minutes while the figure pleaded for her mercy. At last, Estella looked satisfied at the result.
“I will release your soul now, Don Fernandez. But, should I ever hear a peep from your shop, I will burn your soul for the rest of eternity.”
My brown envelope contained the instructions to this same ancient Huanca ritual which trapped the soul of an individual, living or deceased, in a pit of fire.
Grammy Estella promised me, on her deathbed, that with this knowledge, no one would ever stomp over me. This ritual could only be done once per soul, and I could not summon the same soul twice unless someone else summoned it for me.
However, she warned of the immense physical and psychological suffering the ritual caused to the soul scorched in the flames. Even more sternly, she stated that I should use this ritual for justice and not for vengeance.
The second envelope, a cleaner and newer white envelope, came from a DNA laboratory and contained the results of a paternity test.
I hold no lover higher than that for my son, Edwin. However, I really wanted to believe that he was also my biological son, and not the child of one of my wife’s “buddies”.
My “sweetheart” wife Melissa and her lies became the fuel of the paranoia I have in romance.
I often look back and blame myself for my naivety in marriage. Was my effort to give her that ideal love story not enough? Why did I stay with her, even after the numb nights and paragraphs of texts asking her why she cheated on me?
Before Melissa succumbed to the injuries from the car crash which took her life, she said she loved me and I would always be her one and only. I don’t know how many affair partners she had, but I know two of them showed up to her funeral.
This envelope held the truth, but would it truly change the numbness of my essence? Maybe the grief from her death gripped me so hard that I even doubted that Edwin was my child. This four year old boy is my whole world, and I sometimes looked at the crib I built for him in order to remind myself to not lose my sanity.
But even if the envelope revealed Edwin was not my child, then whose child was he? Would it even matter to Edwin in the future? No, I had to get justice for my soul.
I took my knife and cut open Estella’s envelope first, read the instructions of the ritual, and left the other one behind.
Edwin had no idea why I bought all the herbs or put on the “funny” crimson black robe, but now he could finally learn about his grandmother Estella.
In the same way Estella summoned the soul of Don Fernandez many years ago, I lit the ember over my fireplace, and said the same chant while thinking of my wedding day.
“Pachamama, Kay wiracocha tukuyta paganqa”
As in my childhood, the ember lit up to reveal the flaming shape of a humanoid. However, this one had noticeable straight hair and identical facial features to that of Melissa.
The flaming figure began to writhe in pain and began to mumble audibly.
“Abel? Where am I? How can I still see you? I thought I had entered the abyss many years ago.”
That voice made my body tremble just like when I took her on our first date.
“I have my doubts that you ever loved me or that Edwin is my son. I can’t take the pain anymore… is he mine?”
The figure stammered and struggled to even stand.
“I married you because I loved you and I told you that the day I passed and even in this pit of hell I still do.”
I bit my lip, I couldn’t even look at her because I knew another lie would break my manhood once again.
“Always dodging the question at hand. Were you ever exclusive in marriage? Or will you tell me another made up story again?”
I threw one of my herbs into the fire, which yielded a blue smelt that brought Melissa’s figure to her knees. Her soul may have been burning, but my hatred for her lies burnt me even more.
“Abel… I may at times have been dishonest with you. It all came from my work stress and my trauma. It was a survival mechanism and not my fault. Please, just let me go…”
My glasses fogged up and I could see the bloodshot puffiness of my eyes in the mirror.
“Who did you cheat on me with, and are any of them Edwin’s father?.”
“If I tell you the truth, will you stop this shit and let me go?”
How could I even believe her? This woman’s lies from the most minute ones about missing groceries to the largest ones about finance and debt caused me immense pain and misery.
“Just fucking say it already! I hate… that it has to come to this. Why did you carry these truths to your grave, Melissa? Why couldn’t we just be honest?”
As I screamed at her, the flames emboldened and began to burn parts of my house as well.
“Abel, I already told you what I did was not my fault. Even if it was, all my little encounters were accidents at best! I didn’t mean any harm, but your fragile, weak, and jealous ego just couldn’t take it. Maybe you did deserve it. But… I still love you and Edwin… argh… because you were my family. I am certain that you are Edwin’s father and I am begging you to please release your anger and rage. This hatred and weak ego of yours is what will harm Edwin in the future. Neither of us want our baby to grow up damaged.”
As much as I hated her for the confession, she was right. Edwin was innocent in all of this and he did not deserve to suffer from the repressed rage of his parents’ marriage.
“I’m sorry. You are right. I will not believe the woman I married is evil enough to lie to me even at this moment. I can’t ever look at the paternity test; I must raise Edwin as our own, regardless of outcome.”
I stuck out my hand to touch the burning fire of Melissa’s hand. It seared me too, but my emotions overpowered the pain.
“I will choose to believe you one more time. Rest easy Melissa, I love you to hell and back. Please forgive me for my mistrust.”
I could even see a teardrop made of blaze drop from her eye.
“I forgive you Abel, may we both find peace in this once and for all.”
I let go of her fiery hand and I saw her give me that enchanting smile I fell in love with one last time. I put out the fire as fast as I could. My wife would not suffer for another second as long as I stood.
As I stared at the embers fading, Edwin burst into my living room carrying his favorite monkey plush.
“Paaaa, did you burn the chicken nuggets again?”
“No, Edwin. I was just cleaning out the fireplace.”
“I found this paper that says you’re not my dad. Is that true?”
He handed me the contents of the white envelope, the one I did not open. My stomach dropped and my soul burned. I couldn’t believe it. Edwin had no reason to lie.
Melissa, however, did have one. I had fallen for her lies once more and I could never trap her soul again. I had so many questions…but it didn’t matter anymore.
I could not help but smile manically. I would not be the only person who would know the official truth.
“Edwin, want to learn a nifty little trick that Grammy Estella taught me?”