Hey Luce. Haven’t talked to you in awhile. Just checking to see how you’re doing since Mark…anyways, call or text when you feel like talking. I’m here for you
I stare at the phone, re-reading the message my best friend sent.
How am I doing? How do I answer that?
Mark was my husband- is my husband, I guess. Two years ago, he was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. This started 18 months of total hell- pursuing treatment after treatment, making the smallest headway before it came crashing back on us again and again.
We had discussed children, but had just never gotten around to it. That was the only silver lining in all of this- that I didn’t also need to worry about caring for a child during this time.
Eventually, we accepted that we needed to prepare for the very real fact that Mark was going to die. We made sure his will and life insurance were in order. He wrote letters to his parents and sister. I made sure I had all of his passwords so I could cancel any subscriptions he had. We hired a palliative nurse to care for him at the house. Two months after hiring the nurse, Mark passed away.
The week following his passing is a blur. I know I met with the funeral director, but I couldn’t tell you any details of what we discussed. I do remember being very grateful for my best friend,Kate, as she helped keep the director in line as to what Mark actually wanted, and didn’t allow him to push me towards something more expensive.
I remember going home after the funeral, walking in the door and seeing Mark’s shoes in the entryway. That whole week, I had just been in a daze. Occupying my mind with funeral arrangements. But now that it was over…seeing those shoes…I cried. No. I sobbed. Hyperventilating sobs. I cried for what felt like hours.
Eventually, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I felt a presence in the house. I thought maybe Kate or Mark’s parents had come over to check on me.
I walked downstairs, towards the kitchen. I could hear someone moving around- it sounded like they were cooking.
“Morning baby! Sleep well?”
Mark
I froze. How could this be? I had just buried him the day before
“You okay baby? You look a little pale”
“I..I…uh”
I pinched myself. It hurt. This isn’t a dream
“Mark…can you tell me what’s been happening the last couple of months?”
“What are you talking about? I started a new job, you just got that promotion..is everything okay?”
“Mmm-hmm. Everything is fine”
I left the kitchen in a daze. I thought that maybe this was one of those “supernatural” moments, that I maybe just got to have “one more day” with my love, and I intended to make the most of it.
But the next day, he was there again. And the next day. And the next.
It’s been a month. And he’s still here. I don’t know ow how to handle this. I haven’t told anyone. I haven’t spoken to anyone.
How do I tell people that my husband came back from the dead. How do I tell my husband he died a month ago?