I never meant for things to turn out this way. But I have fallen deeply in infatuation with a man that I have never met. I saw him 13 years ago in person and a few times since then, but have never introduced myself, I just have no interest, I doubt he knows of my existence, and if he does, he probably would not recognize me, but our mutual love of 80s new wave introduced me to him through a friend that loves his work, he is not a musician, but a world-class producer, on an epic level that most of you will not be able to fathom. His name is Orian Williams.
He lives a couple states over from me in California. We have the same music tastes, his love, for Duran Duran is just adorable, but they are not my favorite, as you could probably tell, my favorite is Violent Femmes, mostly because they emulate my childhood, deep rooted in folk music. I have seen dozens of bands in the town closest that gets them when they come for the last 40 years. I have grown very fond of all sorts of music and music film, which is how I found Orian Williams.
For years, I’ve been consumed by an obsession that I now deeply regret because I realize that there is a fruitless calling to follow. It all started when I first laid eyes on him, a man who stood head and shoulders above everyone else. His height captivated me, and I found myself unable to resist the urge to follow his every move. But he is usually not my type, my type is usually shorter men of my height… I am 5’3, and quite petite, and I enjoy being able to lock eyes with someone. I became in a trance, watching him from a distance, learning his routines, and infiltrating his life. I know a bit about his projects, I try to make as much money as I can to invest in one. But as time went on, I began to understand the gravity of my actions. I invaded his privacy… guilt gnaws at my conscience as I sit here to think, and I realize the magnitude of my problems.
I never intend to harm him. My curiosity has gotten the best of me in strange ways that I will never be able to explain concisely to anyone, because it is not the traditional ways of wanting to get to know someone, I never really want to speak. It’s not to get a reaction, or instill fear, but to just listen to the conversations as they go, because I feel like I can be a part of them. I obtained 100s of emails and sent them to every single person I thought he knew in person. I obtain their phone numbers through a form online and call them pretending to be him. I never really want to talk to him. I just want to hear what he has to say to other people. I understand that my behavior may appear concerning, resembling stalking and obsession to some.
However, I want to assure you that it stems from a deep emotional connection and a genuine desire to understand and connect with the person in question in my own way, because I’m afraid to speak. I am just in awe of the appreciation for his unique perspective on life. He embarked on a journey, exploring the art of illusion and the boundaries of making your own reality into reality, that I think that I can come along too, discovery aspects of myself I never knew existed. Maybe this all sounds so crazy and so out of this world that I am unable to relate to all of you with my behavior, but to me, it seems perfectly normal, an advanced form of people watching.
I am hoping that maybe I can stop this behavior but I just can’t seem to find something to fulfill it. I am on Reddit to try to find some sort of understanding with you all and help through this very interesting and enlightening time. After all, I do feel like this is an enlightenment, as within the songs, and within his interviews, I’ve seen numbers and letters and experience, full body chills that tell me yes, or no no to the answers to my all my deepest questions and wonderings of the universe.