This started happening three days ago. My life has been utterly destroyed. Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, they HAPPEN. I was already struggling with anxiety and OCD, but now these seem minor in comparison.
I am Mark by the way, not going to ask how good are you because i am in top of tree right now struggling for connection, I record bodybuilding videos and provide personal coaching to make a living. My life seemed normal from my perspective, until everything changed just three days ago. This blow hit me even harder after my mother passed away four days ago.
Intrusive thoughts were always with me, occurring about 4 to 5 times a day. However, I didn’t pay them much attention. Yesterday evening, my neighbor (whom I also coach) invited me to dinner. His wife is an excellent cook, so I accepted, although I generally prefer eating alone.
As I was cutting my steak and chit-chating with them, a intrusive thought emerged: “Gouge out your neighbor’s eyes; you deserve this life more.” I absolutely extremenly love my own life and have no desire for his, having chosen to live alone and remain unmarried is my own decision. Well for what happened. as I blinked, the entire scene transformed. My neighbor was lying dead, with a knife and fork protruding from his eyes, reaching deep into his brain. Blood stained my hands, their children were screaming hysterically, and his wife was dialing the police.
Despite my confusion, I soon realized that my thoughts were becoming reality, at least the intrusive ones. I had often contemplated scenarios like this and prepared for them in my bed in the night i can’t sleep. Unfortunately, I needed to take action to save myself; it seemed as though the world was conspiring against me. Is there a fourth-dimensional being toying with me? I am cursed suddenly, why though? Regardless, I had to act swiftly.
I had to apologize to my neighbor’s family, but my primary concern was not going to jail. I geniually apologized from them while I grabbed another knife and, with a sorrow but no regret, i cut this wife’s throat fast. before she could call 911. As for their children, believe me, my intention was not evil or bad; I believed their lives would become miserable and horrific without their parents, so I sent them to a more peaceful place.
The screams attracted attention from other neighbors who had gathered outside. I hurried back to my house, entered the garage, and finally said, “Alexa, we need guns.” i saw it from a cool video and designed my gun store to be opened like that, it was a awesome feeling, i feeled a little bit bad to feel good after committing three murders. My collection of firearms began to grow. I selected what I needed and grabbed my emergency backpack, stocked with water, food, bandages, painkillers, and general emergency supplies, Can survive 4 days with those.
I might have spent too much time packing, as I heard sirens outside, understanding that the neighbors had contacted the police. I placed the shotgun on the table and a Sig Sauer P365 behind me, I slightly opened the door, revealing half of my body, and greeted the approaching officers. This made them come to me before entering the house 4 dead bodies i killled. When they were all in my line of sight, I seized my gun and emptied all 17 bullets.
From now on i started to count, i had 180 seconds to move from here, police is going to be faster than me. I started to run the second nearest busy road, It took me 210 seconds and i can swear i heard police sirens behind me. I pointed the gun at a driver and forced him to drive me to forest. I can’t believe i had this escapade it was funny but i really felt bad for enjoying a little bit from this.
I didn’t killed the driver but the intrusive thought had him. I closed his eyes and saw the helicopter searching the city for me probably, i took over the car put the body in the back and drived to the forest as much as i can before trees becomed so dense.
I left the car and i think i walked several miles, I am hiding for 3 days tomorrow i will run out of supplies, I had to kill little bit of animals because of thought curse (this is what i call it now) i am sure this is a curse my dad did to me, He always talked about seeing shadowthings and my mom told me shadowthings forced him to do bad things, I think shadowbeings are doing same to me but i am not seeing them. Maybe they learned to hide?
anyway after getting supplies and preparing enough, i will find and interrogate my father, He is in state asylum as i know. I will need to do a plan.