I’ve always been the chubby kid, constantly being teased by my peers for how heavy was; I never really understood the big deal; I mean yeah I’m overweight but, what’s that got to do with you and for that reason I was tormented everyday. Standing next to my classmates it was evident of my size, but, when I would go home, well, that’s where I would be the smallest; I come from a long line of let’s just say obese people. Every morning my mother would make her usual for me and my father, pancakes with mountains of sugar and syrup, only to follow up dinner with a meal just as gluttonous. This was an everyday occurrence and to be honest I loved it, I mean what kid doesn’t want to eat an endless serving of junk food. It wasn’t until my father became ill and started to lose weight did I even fathom the idea that we could be thin; that I could be thinner. For some reason my father being ill didn’t worry my mother, rather, it was the losing weight part that kept up at night concerned. She constantly would feed him infinite of amount servings while rejecting the prescribed medication that was given to him knowing that it would only suppress his appetite.
“You have to eat, you have to force” my mother would tell my bed ridden father as he gasped for oxygen.
I didn’t know what to think, I found it odd but it was my parents and I figured my mother knew what was best; perhaps she thought her cooking could nurture my father back to health. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, he passed away, I didn’t get to tell him good bye or even see him, my mother took him away before I had the chance. She told me that she knew he would pass soon and that she took him to some special home where you don’t receive any treatment instead you pass peacefully. At this point I was entering high school and I was left completely devastated, all I wanted to do was eat; it made me feel better. My mother did her best to console me in the only way she knew how, in her cooking, I must of ballooned up to at least 300 pounds; something that delighted my mother.
As years came and went I only grow more lonely, I had no friends no girlfriend no companions of any kind what so ever, except for my mother.
“Remember, you have to keep eating, it’s the only way, it’s how we keep safe” my mother once told me, I was confounded with what she meant but my appetite only grew so I followed her advice.
As I entered my 30’s a revelation dawned on me in the most profound way, which was, for being an obese person I was perfectly healthy. I finally had convinced myself that it was time for me to get in shape, the loneliness had inundated my very being and I knew if I was ever going to be happy I needed to lose weight. So I went to a doctor for a checkup something I have never done before, for some reason my mother never took me to doctors and the only reason my father had went when first becoming ill was that he had fainted at work and his employer called for an ambulance, besides that time we were a family that never went to get checkups. My face froze with utter bewilderment when the doctor told me I was fit, in fact he said that I was healthier than most men in their 30’s, my mouth gaped open not understanding how that could be possible.
I had new outlook on life and I wanted to do whatever it took to shrink down so I did the typical, I went for runs, reduced my calorie intake, I even flirted with the idea of taking steroids, but no matter what I did; I just couldn’t lose weight. I would grab at my belly fat and curse at it as if it were some foreign invader attacking me with it’s presence and after months of trying I began to accept the reality that solitude would engulf me for the rest of my life. That’s when one of my coworkers gave me the suggestion of surgery.
“You mean like sewing my stomach shut?” I apprehensively asked my coworker.
He just stared at me with a hideous smirk on his face.
“No bro, like get the doctors to suck the fat out of you” he said.
I never thought about surgery before, I mean I always figured one day I would need it but never did I imagine of losing body fat that way.
So I went to see the doctor about surgery and to my thrill I was told this was an option. The doctor told me it would be a series of procedures, that they couldn’t just take it all out of me at once, so I reluctantly agreed.
I called my mother with the revelation of my plan, I needed a comforting voice to reassure me I would be okay but my mother didn’t coddle me instead, she scolded me.
“I told you, you have to eat, it’s the only way to stay safe” she told me to my horror, I just needed her to be supportive.
“What do you mean safe? It’s because you mom that I’ve grown to this size, that I’m miserable, that I’m lonely” I told her as anguish protruded from my weary voice.
She remained silent for several seconds leaving regret simmering on the tip of my tongue for being so aggressive.
“I tried to keep your father from losing weight, it’s his fault, he wanted to lose weight and that’s why he got sick. I couldn’t save him after that” my mother told me then promptly hung up on me.
I didn’t know what she was talking about, but her words grew concern in me; now thinking if my mother had anything to do with my fathers sudden illness. I didn’t talk to my mother for months after that, I didn’t want anything more to do with her nonsense, so with that I began my ascent into a life of happiness.
The first surgery was an absolute success, within the first few weeks after the swelling had gone down visible results were evident, my face looked thinner I think I could even see a bit of jawline. To say the least I was jovial at the revelation and I couldn’t wait for my next surgery. By surgery 3 I was down 100 pounds and it left me feeling ambitious to do whatever it took to lose more weight naturally. I went back to the gym now delighted to take off my over sized sweater to lift weights. I went morning runs and I cut out all the sugar I could from my diet, I guess you could say I was one of those people; the type that makes you roll your eyes whenever you saw a health conscious person.
Surprisingly this new found perspective led me into journey of self discovery, now I liked to go out and talk to people; no longer encapsulated in my own sorrow rather I was out making friends and even talking to women. Life was perfect, whenever I looked in the mirror I saw the man that I was always meant to be, my face had features, my arms displayed strength but more importantly I now smiled.
By the time my final surgery arrived I was down nearly 200 pounds and if you didn’t look close; you would of never thought I was ever overweight, the only thing that remained was my stomach I still had a bit of gut; the stubborn belly fat just didn’t want to melt away.
“I don’t know how to tell you” the doctor said.
Whenever a medical professional tells your these words you can literally feel your heart sink, I was almost sure that whatever words came next was my death sentence, echo’s of my mother telling me not to lose weight danced around in my thoughts.
“What is it doc, tell me” I nervously responded back.
A bit of silence grew between the two of us as our eyes remained locked on each other in this critical game of chicken, as if the first to look away loses.
“We can’t do the last procedure, well, we don’t recommend it you see.”
The doctor paused.
“We believe that you might have a tumor of some sort underneath that last layer of belly fat, we need to do more tests” and just as I thought my world shattered; memories of my father becoming ill began to make sense, whatever was happening inside of me must of had happen to him.
I decided against more tests, I knew what the outcome would be and was so happy, I was finally living life to the fullest so I just ignored the issue that was unraveling inside of my body. I continued exercising along with a nutritional diet, I did everything I was doing before, I even had a girlfriend; she was like me once overweight but now thin. I didn’t tell her of my possible demise, I figured why bog her down with my problems instead I showered her in affection, I wanted to build a life not plan out a death, but to my dismay that’s when the stomach pains began to happen.
It was like nothing I’ve ever experience, shooting pains would travel from gut throughout my body causing me to erupt into uncontrollable shaking. I did my best to hide it from my girlfriend, but as the weeks came and went the sudden convulsions I would encounter only became more frequent and the tumor started to grow; my girlfriend thought I was gaining weight. I needed escape; I needed solace from the city, from my girlfriend, I just needed time to accept my fate so I went back home to my moms house.
My mother who I hadn’t seen in years was gleeful at my presence but her jovial expression only sank after she studied me for several seconds understanding how thin I had gotten and with such haste she pulled me into her embrace, sobbing delicately to herself. I didn’t know what to think so I did the only thing I could think of and that was I held her back and began to cry myself. As usual she prepared a huge meal for me, with all the ‘fixins’ and to finish off the gluttonous dinner was a 3 layer chocolate cake, to be honest; after almost a year of eating healthy tasting my mothers home cook food was a pleasure that couldn’t be described by words, a sensation of transcendence and as I swallowed each bite I could feel tears form on the edges of my eyes as my taste buds became inundated with an ambrosia of flavors; I was home.
Sitting at the dinner table with my mother as my body slowly digested the pounds of food I had just ingested we talked about a variety of subjects, but as I told my mother of how exciting my life had become her eyes only directed their stare at my stomach, she could see how inflated my gut was; she could see the tumor. I crossed my arms trying to shield my over sized gut from her not wanting to talk about my illness but that’s when an eruption of pain engulfed my entire body, my stomach pain had returned and I began to convulse violently in front of my mother and all she could do was reach for my hand; trying to comfort me. After the seizure had calmed I could read her eyes, it was the same look that was prevalent when my father was sick but unlike that time she now looked defeated.
“About your father” she said as my breathing steadily calmed.
“We’re different, there’s something inside of us and I can’t tell you what it is, but it’s something that want’s to get out and we have to do whatever it takes to keep it from doing that because once it’s out many will die.” my eyes widened open with utter disbelief, what the hell was my mother telling me.
“Wait, what? Its a tumor mom, just like dad had. Why do you have to play make believe, I’m tired of it okay; just admit it” I angrily told her.
I could see her brow dip down with a bit of frustration and her tender grip transformed into a tight one.
“You have to gain weight that’s the only way we can keep it from coming out, it’s not to late, my son” she told me as tears cascaded down her face.
I pulled my hand away, I was tired of her nonsense, of her stories and with that I stormed out her house and headed home. Seeing my mother was the refreshing sensation I needed to go back to the doctor for help, after all my mother keeping me from medical treatment all these years has got me to where I am now.
Entering my home I called out for my girlfriend ready to tell her the truth about my illness, how I was going to get treatment that I didn’t want to hide it anymore. At this point my tumor had grown to a hideous size and I found it difficult to breathe but I did my best to shout out for my girlfriend.
“Babe, I’m home, where are you; we need to talk” I gasped out loud with all the remaining strength I had.
I could hear her soft voicing calling back out to me as her footsteps became more near and that’s when the pain once again returned.
This time it was different it was more excruciating, my body began to tremble and I grabbed at my stomach trying to massage it hoping this episode would pass quickly but to my horror it only got worse. I fell to the floor as screams of pain escaped my mouth, my stomach it was expanding almost as if was going to explode. I squirmed on the floor sweat drenching my body as froth began flowing out of my mouth. I clawed at my stomach wanting the pain to stop and that’s when I heard the shrieks of trepidation coming from my girlfriend, she rushed to my side trying to console me as her mind adjusted to what was happening and that’s when, my stomach burst open.
“Argh!!!” I yelped out.
My stomach had completely exploded, blood and intestines showered my hardwood floors and my cry’s cautiously became whimpers as I could feel my vision become blurry. I could hear the screams of terror coming from my girlfriend and that’s when a hideous arm protruded from my gaping stomach. It was a grotesque thing, it’s skin looked like it had scales the edge of it’s fingertips revealed black pointy claws. I laid weak and somber I really couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything other than keeping my gaze on that horrid figure that was coming out of me and soon I saw the head. The beast was more devilish than anything I could had ever imagined, it had four eyes and it’s teeth were endless. I couldn’t make sense of what I was witnessing and that’s when my girlfriend let out a gasp of distraught and I had utterly forgotten that she was there and that’s when that demon pounced on my her and it began to eat her.
I could hear her screams for help and my body laid still, I couldn’t save her, all I could do is listen to her dreadful final whimpers of life. Once the creature was done we locked eyes and I gulped accepting the situation for what it was, that I was going to die. To my surprise that monster sniffed me, it’s face caressing mine, bloody slime seeping all over me, all while it’s stench invaded my senses and I all I could do was shut my eyes tightly, but nothing ever happened. Several minutes had passed and I opened my eyes realizing the creature was gone, the living room laid desolated and still, it was just me alone in a puddle of blood.
I don’t know where that thing went, I’m starting to question my own sanity but the blood is there I know it’s real and my stomach seems to be closing on it’s own; like a cocoon enclosing itself. I don’t seem to be dying, in fact, I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, visions of a brighter future somehow penetrate into my mind. I honestly don’t know what to think, but, one thing is for sure I truly wish I had listen to my mother; I should have never lost weight.