I think I’m losing my mind. Everyone I’ve talked to thinks I’m having some kind of memory loss, but I really don’t think that’s the case. I would give everything for it to only be a memory loss. Let me start with some facts. I’m 22 years old. I don’t abuse alcohol or any other substances. I don’t have any mental health problems, and my life has always been nice and peaceful.
It all started three weeks ago. I was in need of new glasses, since the last time I bought a new pair was four years ago. I’m blind like a bat without them, so the price isn’t going to be low.
I was searching the internet, when an ad pops up. It seemed very much like the spam ads you get from sketchy websites, so my natural instingt was to click the x. Before I managed to do that, another ad appears on my screen. The same ad. I decided to at least read it before clicking it away, figuring that there’s no harm in doing that. It was an ad for an optician’s. The ad promised affordable quality lenses and frames. It also read, that the shop had just opened, in the city I lived in! Seemed too good to be true, but I had no extra money. That led me to write the addres of the shop down.
I lost my way two times trying to find the shop. It was well hidden, next to a small pantry I remember having seen sometimes going past it. The optician’s seemed empty from where I parked my car, but the lights were on. And I was right, no one else was inside. I walked up to the counter and rang the bell.
Before the sound from the bell had quieted down, a very well-dressed middle-aged man walked up to me from the back. “Well hello, how may I help you today”. The man seemed tired, but excited. As if he had been waiting for a customer for a long time. “I was looking to buy new glasses. These old ones have marks all over the lenses, and I think it’s time to change the frames also” I told him. He didn’t answer for a while. Just kept looking at me, observing, maybe hesitating about something. And then he seemed to make it, because next he said. “You came to the right place. This is after all an optician’s. Here, choose your frames and we’ll get to work.” He showed me to the shelves full of frames, in all colors and shapes. Way more than what you normally see. I took my sweet time trying on different styles, and finally decided. I chose to go with a similar style as I had before, though, a different color.
I gave the man my prescription and my frame choice. He mumbled something, but I couldn’t hear what he said. “What?” I then asked. “Here. For your address”. The man gave me an annoyingly small post-it note, but I managed to squeeze my address on it. And that was it. I paid the surprisingly low price and went to make my way out. “Happy to help you see!” He waved me goodbye and I drove home.
My new glasses were on my doorstep the next morning I woke up. I woke up when someone knocked at my door. I was feeling extremely tired so I took some time to get up. By the time I got to the door, the person who had knocked was gone. My newly made glasses were laying in front of me. No package, no case or anything. I found it very weird, but I wasn’t gonna complain since I paid so little for them. And the delivery was extremely fast. So fast, I almost was going to call the optician to ask why it took so little time to make new lenses. The thought of doing that stopped when I remembered that I didn’t have the shop’s phone number written anywhere. Yes, I could have driven there and ask in person, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I should’ve have.
Over the last couple of weeks, my face seems to be changing in the mirror more and more every day. Not just the mirrors, though. Every reflecting surface, windows and small puddles on the sidewalk. When first noticed the changes, they were very small and barely noticeable, at least to someone that’s not me. I have called my mom about this, but of course she didn’t believe me. Even I don’t know what to think about this.
First, my eyebrows seemed to have slightly changed shape. I thought that maybe I had accidentally shaved my brows more than intended last time, so I just shook the weird feeling off. The second change was much bigger compared to the first. I was in the school bathroom, and when I lifted my head to see myself in the mirror, my nose was crooked. I panicked. It seemed broken, but how could I have broken my nose without noticing? If it was a memory loss and I was just slowly forgetting my face, surely I’d have some medical bills or papers from the doctor if I had gone to have my nose looked at, but I found nothing. I called my mom to ask if I had talked to her something about breaking my nose recently, but she didn’t recall that ever happening. She suggested, that maybe I had broke it when I was asleep, falling from the bed and somehow broke it without waking up. I marked my calendar after the call to go see a doctor if my nose started to hurt.
Second week was even worse. I have been complimented on my healthy and thick blonde hair all my life, but now, it was ashy gray and seemed half dead. My eyes as well, the sparkle was gone. I see no life in the eyes that stare back at me. They are dark eyes, but they have a kind of milky veil over them, like you would see in a blind person’s eyes. Normally my head is in the shape of an almond, but now it has a rounder feel to it, if I look in the mirror long enough. And the mouth, the mouth is the worst. Usually, when you think of a smile in your head, you see a warm and welcoming face. This is the furthest thing from that. It’s more like a grin, a deep, deranged grin. It is so wide I can see every teeth in her mouth. In my mouth. I have no idea. I’m having a hard time trying to find familiar facial traits anymore, and trust me, I have tried.
Now it’s the third week. My expression in the mirror seems judgemental, the face stares at me with a contemptuous look. I can’t stand to look in the mirror, windows or sidewalk puddles. I covered every mirror in my house with clothes. My windows have newspapers all over them. I’m terrified of my face. Or more like what’s left of it. I feel so lost. I know what I look like, I have my phone’s gallery full of selfies and pictures with my friends, where I still see my old self. But now, whenever I try to look at myself, all I can see is this old woman with the crooked nose. I haven’t taken off my new glasses, except when I sleep. Thought of that helping my situation never crossed my mind, since I can’t do anything without them. But now, I’m so scared I would much rather be blind than see this.