Financially our family has been struggling for a long time. Insane amount of debt and every month we have to rely on someone’s graciousness or favour to take care of our necessities. Obviously this took a toll on everyone’s mental health and things started getting much worse once my brother left for college. We had to move to a smaller house and God it is awful. The water that comes out of the faucet is yellowish brown, we can’t whisper a word without the neighbors hearing it, algae grows out of the bathroom tiles and yeah you get the idea. Additionally my parents started fighting more and because of the downsizing I had no option but to listen to every single one of them. Sometimes I even got caught in the cross fire but there wasn’t anything I could do.
Anyway I am not here to lament about our situation. Our financial condition meant even the bare necessities are often a burden. Additional expenses hit everyone hard. I personally made sure I didn’t bring in any expenses more than necessary. I know I am not supposed to feel guilty for my parents’ shortcomings but I do. I often try to keep my hardships to myself and usually that worked out fine for me. This includes any health concerns I come across. I brush them off and usually they go away. Like I mentioned our mental health is not at it’s best. There are days where I don’t eat or shower or even brush my teeth but I got over them just fine. I called them my shut down episodes. So it is not unusual for me to feel tired and drained. While I can’t seek help I am well aware of my episodes and try my best not to be hard on myself.
One such episode lead me to where I am now. It was the usual body ache like I had been in a fight, migraines, sore throat and what not. Skipped showers and meals, too tired to even get up from my bed. It was summer vacation, meaning the heat along with my parents’ constant bickering was draining whatever energy I had left. Around 3pm as my stomach growled for food I pushed myself to have something. Anything. As I walked into the kitchen, my parents’ argument stopped. Weird, I thought. My presence never stopped them before.
“Are you unwell?” My mother asked. I shook my head too tired to talk.
“I asked you are you unwell?” She raised her voice. Annoyance bubbled inside me but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of finding a different target to yell at.
“I shook my head ma. No I am not.” I said. As I gathered some bread too tired to cook anything. I went back to my room glad that nothing else was said. Minutes later my father brought me some water without a word. I smiled with gratitude and went back nibbling on my bread. This repeated for days…or weeks. I eventually lost sense of time.
“We should go to the hospital.” My mother said concern dripping in her voice.
“Why?” I asked that simple question made my jaw hurt.
“You look awful.” She said. My mother was…dramatic. I know she comes from a place of love and concern but she always manages to say the wrong things at the wrong time.
“I am fine.” I mumbled as I turned my attention back to my phone. She looked like she wanted to argue but she left silently.
Days went by. I tried to keep count but I failed. My parents would check in on me often but say nothing. I once woke up to my mother crying as she caressed my face but I didn’t have the energy to say anything. Eventually they stopped coming to my room. I didn’t mind.
A week passed. I kept count this time. No one left or entered my room in an entire week. I don’t even remember what I was doing. I didn’t eat or bath or leave my room. I couldn’t have slept through it all, can I? This episode is worse than anything I have experienced before.
Today, concerned for my own well being I used all my strength to walk out of my room. I couldn’t lift my legs to take a step. I dragged myself to the kitchen to be greeted by my horrified mother. Tears streamed down her face as she held her hands over her mouth like she was stopping herself from screaming. My father ran into the room and dropped whatever he was holding. He protectively held my mother’s shoulders as he created distance between them and I. They looked at me with…fear? Like I said dramatic. I was annoyed and slightly hurt but I couldn’t bring myself to ask what was going on. I grabbed an apple that was on the counter and went back to my room. The sound of my feet being dragged against the floor annoyed me but I couldn’t do anything about it.
I dropped myself on a chair hurting my butt and back in the process. I stared at the Apple feeling stupid for choosing it. I wasn’t in the mood for a crunchy fruit, my jaw ached. I sighed closing my eyes, mentally preparing myself to go back out again. Minutes passed. I heard some people enter our house and groaned loudly. The last thing I want is to talk with other people. My family is strict on hospitality meaning if anyone visits us we have to go say hello even if I don’t know them. With this in my mind I walked out again this time to be greeted by a blood curdling scream. Rude, I thought. A woman in police uniform screamed as her hand flew to her holster. Two more officers ran into the room only to stop dead at their tracks. I was beyond annoyed and confused.
I opened my mouth to ask what the hell was happening but my aching jaw went numb the second I opened it letting out a breathy “WHAaaaaaa” . Something snapped inside me as I tried to close my jaw with my hands. I couldn’t. Saliva started pooling in my mouth and drooling out. One of the officers was speaking to someone in his walkie talkie while the other two stood with their tasers out.
Confused I looked around the room hoping my parents would explain what the fuck was going on. Instead for the first time in what felt like forever I caught my own reflection in the living room window. I didn’t recognize the thing that was looking back at me. Sunken cheeks, matted hair and a lanky figure. I was able to make out more of my features as I moved closer to the window. I… No the thing had multiple bald spots and uneven sharp teeth. The liquid drooling out of my mouth was dark brown, almost black as it soaked my tattered t-shirt. I could make out every single bone in my body and my nails protruded out like claws. The veins in my eyes stood out as black tears pooled in them.
The scare of looking at the my own reflecting sent a surge of adrenaline through out my body as I rushed back to my room locking the door behind me. Breathing was hard and painful as if I could feel my lungs repeatedly hit my ribs. I heard more and more people rush into house and faintly I could make out the sound of my parents wailing.
“It is in that room!” Someone yelled. I wanted to be irritated or insulted but the tremble in their voice gave me some sick pleasure. I looked down at my hands which were bony and severely decoloured.
“Of course they called me ‘it’.” I chuckled finding amusement in this horrifying ordeal.
I silently opened the lock and sat back down in the chair feeling a little better than I did before. I heard the whispers of the officers describing the terrifying creature that was waiting for them. They more I heard them speculate and sweat the more better I felt. I breathed in deeply and I didn’t feel any pain.
Oh…
I laughed loudly only for the sound to come out as a wet gargle. I heard someone panic outside my room and I swear I have never felt stronger. I don’t know why they haven’t opened the door yet but the more they wait outside, being scared the more powerful I feel.