There was once a King, he was a cruel man and had many enemies. One day he hosted a magnificent banquet with the finest food and wine in the kingdom and invited all his enemies to join him in the festivities as a way of making peace between them.
They dined on exquisitely cooked wild boar and pheasant and the alcohol flowed freely like a river. The servants made sure no one’s glass was ever empty and everyone partied into the night , enjoying the entertainment provided by the kings jester and orchestra.
In the morning the guests all awoke to find themselves tied to chairs. The King had drugged the wine and now they were all his captives.
“I hope you enjoyed the feast I provided you for it shall be your last” said the King , “For whilst you slept my servants tied the ends of your manhoods up with string”
The king continued to explain his devious plan, “when your bladders, full of my most expensive wine try to relieve themselves they will be unable to and eventually they will burst causing you an agonising , miserable death”
Percy told me that story. It was his way of saying if I didn’t feed him that there were worse things he could do than make me piss my pants at work.
Anyway , it’s been over a week now since Percy started talking and making his demands and a few days since I shared my troubles with you my online confidants.
I have been spending my time researching possessed penises so dread to think what my browser history would look like to anyone who looked. I have a couple of leads that I need to investigate more. Again I’ll update you on them as I can but for now I just want to share what happened yesterday.
One thought I had was Percy has been possessed by an evil spirit , why exactly I thought this I don’t know. Just one of the dozens of crazy ideas my brain came up with trying to make sense of this situation. I had the idea that holy water might rid any evil spirit so I got myself dressed and went to visit my local Church.
I’m not particularly religious but was raised Catholic so had attended St Jude’s Church numerous times as a child and remember old Father O’Leary often left the doors open early for people to come in and pray.
I got to the church, Percy had woken up and already was grumbling about being fed. I told him he would have to wait a little while. I looked around and it was empty. I headed for the holy water font. I looked around again to make sure no one was around then I unzipped my trousers and pulled out Percy.
“Hey what’s happening?” asked Percy
“Just having a wash so you are nice and clean for your feed later I replied” and I dipped Percy into the font of water and started splashing holy water over him.
I don’t know what I expected to happen really, maybe Percy to recoil in terror and decide to leave my penis in a poof of smoke or something like that .
What I didn’t expect was Father O’Leary to scream “ For the love of Jesus get your cock out of my Holy water”
I hadn’t seen him arrive via the side door and quickly put Percy away while he continued to berate me for my actions. Father O’Leary seemed to recognise me and I managed to calm him down and tell him I’d explain everything.
We went and sat in his rectory and I explained what had been happening. He listened and took intermittent sips from his hip flask ( Father Jim O’Leary was quite a heavy drinker in between sermons and flirting with the nuns )
Once I had finished he was silent for a while and then told me that was the most ridiculous story he had ever heard and that he had read about sick people who got turned on masturbating in churches and such places, Redditors he was sure they were called.
“I should phone the police, I’m shocked that this is what you’ve become , a pervert” said Jim , taking another gulp from his whiskey.
“No! Please Father, I’m telling the truth!” I cried “let me show you”.
Father Jim reluctantly agreed and I whipped out Percy. He sat limply on my leg (Percy , not Father O’Leary)
“Come on , you want feeding? Tell me you want feeding!” No response from Percy. We waited a few minutes and nothing, not a peep from the possessed penis.
“That’s it , I think you must be sick, I’m calling the police” said Father Jim
“You won’t get fed if we are stuck in a police cell “ I said to Percy and this seemed to get his attention…
He started to rise like a snake , swaying side to side then hissed “Feeeeed meeee”
Father Jim took another big gulp from his flak
“Sweet mother of Jesus “ he spluttered and grabbed his bible.
Clutching it he began chanting , “ demon leave this penis , demon leave this penis “
Percy started spinning like a helicopter , whirling round and round , faster and faster whilst the priest continued to chant.
“Demon be gone ! “ Father Jim cried and at that point Percy projectile ejaculated semen all over Father Jim’s face. Then he went limp again.
“I’m so sorry Father” I said offering him a tissue.
“I don’t think that was a demon” replied Father Jim , “It certainly isn’t normal though “
Father Jim finished his flask of whiskey , told me to go home and pray and not to bring my freaky Willy back to his church. I had been abandoned by God so it was going to be up to me to investigate further myself.
I better go and feed Percy and I’ll let you know how I get on with my findings.