I once was told by a professor of mine, that if the eyes are the windows to the soul, the reflection is the shape of it.
We always take it for granted. Everywhere we go, were never without our reflection. In the abstract blur of a puddle, the fainted shadow on a window, the living portrait of a mirror. Without them we have no idea what our faces look like. With them we grow to critique, to admire, to contemplate how the world sees us.
I was always vain in this regard. Walking down past the mirrored windows of a city street; passing the residue of a heavy downpour; greeting my appearance every morn and night - i couldn’t simply exist without seeing my reflection.
Until last night.
I’d had a particularly heavy night in town. Drinking. Partying. It was a birthday celebration - my 21st. Finally I was entering the prime of my life. No longer a child. When I’d finally stumbled into my home, there it was. An empty mirror looking straight past me. I could see the slick tiled walls of my bathroom. The towel, carelessly draped over the radiator. I couldn’t see me. Of course like any reasonable, intoxicated person I didn’t think anything of it. I must’ve been so out of mind i couldn’t recognise myself.
I was wrong.
Im writing this the day after. I gazed into that mirror, wiped the steam from my morning shower and with it saw nothing. An emptiness. My eyes searched for the shape of me, a sign, a form. They found nothing. Nothing looked back upon me. Not the furrowed crease of my brow. Not the tired bags entrenched beneath my eyes. I felt my face. It was still there. But i felt no more reassured. My reflection has gone, some part of me is missing.
I have tried everything. I have looked into the obscure bend of a spoon, the windows of my car, every mirror I own. None of them have it. I feel it.
Like a piece of my soul has been cut adrift. Something has been stolen from me and with it my image. I dont know what. I don’t know who. I dont know why. But it scares me. A sense of dread fills me everytime i stare. I feel it pulling me in. Telling me to look deeper, to find it.
Please, someone help me find it.
Edit: I broke the mirrors. Everyone.
Im no closer.
My hands, they’re cut and bleeding. Ive left a trail of blood but im still not closer. WHY ARNT I CLOSER.
Their cracks showed me no secrets. Nothing. Not even a glimpse. Just blood. BLOOD. What good is that?
But i swear. I swear its somewhere, trapped away from me.
I must find it.
I will find it.
I NEED to find it
Maybe i need to just look? To look at myself. To make sure im still here that i havnt been stolen too
Maybe i can use my own eyes?
Just to check. Then I’ll stop, ill look for it. But first i have to see myself…
i need to make sure