Please, take this seriously. I don’t have much time. I need to get this out. I’m telling the truth when I say that these foods are the worst consumer items released since cigarettes. They’re probably worse. I may not be the chief creator of these foods, but I played a role in their inception.
Look, I never meant for them to be bad. I had a noble goal. Well, if allowing people to binge without fear of weight gain is noble. I definitely had some selfish motivation - my desire to the aforementioned.
I’ve always loved junk food. That led to me getting fat as a teen. I was in denial in high school, but I always knew the truth. After graduating high school, I got my weight under control, losing over 60 pounds. Of course my love for junk food didn’t decline though.
I would have a “cheat day” where I ate whatever I wanted, then offset it by dieting on other days. That worked for a while. But as I got older, it got harder to rebound from the cheat days. Harder to maintain my weight. I got desperate. I didn’t want to give up junk food, but I also refused to let myself get fat again.
I’m getting off track though. It’s time to delve into the warning I have. I’m sure you are aware I’m not alone in my feelings. There’s a reason so many “guilt free” snacks dominate the market. And there’s a reason the diet industry is so sustainable. Hell, some of you probably understand these urges. That’s why I’m warning about this upcoming product.
I’m sure you’re all aware of the zero calorie items available these days. Diet soda, flavored water, seltzer, coffee, tea, etc. You don’t have to fear weight gain when consuming such items. Well, a negative calorie food takes it a step further. And it is exactly what it sounds like. It is a good that requires more energy to digest than it provides. A food that will induce caloric deficit through consumption.
Sounds great right? Imagine eating chocolate, candy, burgers, and more as you please. It’d be the greatest thing since sliced bread. But you know what they say: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
I’ll be honest when I say I don’t understand how this food was engineered. There’s some fancy chemistry behind it for sure. If I were an egghead, I’d be able to tell you all about the molecular composition of sugars and proteins and whatnot. I’m sure manipulating those things was part of it.
I played no role in the actual creation. But I pitched the idea, and I helped oversee the testing.
As you may have expected, we used lab rats for the initial tests. We have them negative calorie cheese. It sure is a good thing we didn’t sample this batch with humans.
Simply put, the cheese was too effective. The rats wasted away and starved. We only gave them a little bit, but it negated the rest of their diet.
Attempts to save them failed, as it seems the cheese screwed up their metabolism. This should have been our reality check. Our realization that this was not a good idea. But all of us, myself included, decided to try again.
We went back to the drawing board. We decided to stay with the same general idea, cheese and lab rats. We appeared to succeed this time, too. Our chemists must have dialed back their work. This time the rats didn’t waste away and die, but the effects were still evident.
Success on rats doesn’t mean everything though, and it certainly didn’t mean success with all food types. This is where it gets ugly. A few months after this breakthrough, we completed a test batch of negative calorie cols and chocolate. We gave these items the brand name “Delite.”
It wasn’t feasible to give soda to rats, so we did something I’ll never forgive myself for. We decided to have a focus group. These people would be asked to consume these under our supervision for a brief period of time, in order to determine the efficacy of the food.
We ultimately assembled five people, whose names I won’t reveal. I will refer to them as A, B, C, D, and E. We gave each of them a soda and candy bar. These items were supposed to induce a caloric deficit of 500 each.
That goal succeeded, but damn it we failed elsewhere. Seems engineering the sugars in candy is harder.
The first day was uneventful, but all Hell broke loose on the second day. It all started with B. He demanded more and more of the candy and soda. More than was safe. This deficit was cumulative, after all. Eating too much would cause what happened to the first pack of rats.
We denied the request, explaining to him the safety reasons. But he wouldn’t listen. He was addicted. He assaulted one of our researchers. This was a red flag, but it got worse. We didn’t end the project there. We decided B was the problem, not our product.
But it wasn’t just B. E was also affected, albeit differently. The candy fucked up her metabolism, and badly. She needs so much food to stay the same weight. She needed about 6,000 calories a day just to stay the same.
It’s worth noting that she had a love-hate relationship with food. Consuming that much food harmed her psych. This was bad once the focus group ended. She had signed waivers and a nondisclosure agreement, so we were safe legally.
But the damage continued. She couldn’t bring herself to constantly eat, and other times she couldn’t keep it down. She died just like those first rats, her autopsy suggested bulimia or anorexia.
But her fate wasn’t the worst. I need to get back to B. B’s addiction and withdrawal continued, and he grew extremely violent. He killed A. He strangled him to death and ripped open his torso, trying to get the candy from his stomach. He was shot dead by security.
I’m not sure how corporate handled that. I don’t want to know. They used some resource you and I are probably too moral to imagine to make that go away.
Nothing noteworthy happened to C and D. They were forced into silence by the previously mentioned nondisclosure agreement (maybe threats/bribery too).
Those two were lucky I guess. But it seems these products cause addiction/homicidal violence/health problems. It doesn’t make you fat, but there are worse things than that. I know that now.
Corporate had dollar signs in their eyes though. The product is set to be released next month. Please, heed this warning. I am posting this on as many places online as I can.
I know corporate is going to get me. I refused to back down and am on their list. I’m signing my death warrant posting this but it needs to be done. Goodbye.