From what I’d gathered, it was supposed to be a quick and simple thing. The researchers told me I would take a pill, drink some water, and sit in a room for ten minutes. Afterwards, I would receive a payment of five thousand dollars. Whilst that sounded too good to be true, I desperately needed the cash if I didn’t want to end up homeless.
Before I was given the pill, they made me sign a document. Standard stuff I reckoned, I was after all taking a highly experimental drug. My eyes skimmed over the content. It was a little bit odd. Most of the clauses weren’t aimed at my physical health, but rather at my mental health. I would be lying if I said that didn’t freak me out, but at the end, it also certified that I would be paid five thousand dollars. I signed the paper.
They left me entirely alone in a white room with a bright light hanging of the center of the ceiling. The room was neither large or tiny, but decently spacious. In the upper corners of the room were cameras all pointed towards me. I sat in the middle of the room on a metallic chair that I found rather uncomfortable, with a table in front of me.
On the table was a couple of things. There were a couple of books the researchers had supplied me with, in case I got bored, but I had my phone and I reckoned that would do. There was a glass of water and a pill. The pill laid above a napkin, which struck me as far too expensive. The pill was an ominous black, cold to the touch, and when quite heavy. It felt like a liquid sloshed inside.
Deciding to make it as easy for myself as possible, I threw the pill into my mouth before I had time to build up anxiety. I grabbed the glass of water and gulped it down. I felt a tingling sensation coming from my chest, but I reckoned that was a mix of parabola and anxiety.
Now, if I’d understood it right, all I had to do was sit still for ten minutes and then I’d walk out five thousand dollars richer. This was positively theft, but I hadn’t done anything wrong, and the scientists got to blame themselves for their stupidity.
After a minute of mindless scrolling on reddit, my heart beat became audible. Thump, thump, thump. The sound had never been so clear before, and I took a moment just to listen to it. As I focused, I realized that my heart was becoming slower, not just the tiny bit slower calm or focus could achieve, but almost as if it was beating at half the speed. Moving my hand, I realized that it too moved at a slower speed. Woah, this is so cool.
I wagered the drug could be a great study tool as I picked up one of the books and flipped over to page one. The sound of my heart beating was still loud, but it had faded out to the background like white noise. Despite already going at a much slower speed, it seemed to still lessen. I wondered when it would stop.
30 pages of reading later, I realized that the experiment was probably over. The book had really drawn me in and it had made me lose track of time. I grabbed my phone, which was an act that took a lot more conscious effort than I thought it would and checked the time. There was still eight minutes left.
Wow, this slowmotion is really strong huh.
I tried to get back into the book, but my mind had simply decided that thirty pages was enough. Without much in the room to turn my attention to, I opened my phone and started a youtube video, which really gave me perspective over how slowly time was passing. I could barely make out words, as they were simply being stretched too far.
I ended up closing the video. The person took forever to simply say a word. A single word.
I checked the time. Still eight minutes left. Honestly, I was starting to regret taking this drugs. It was a pretty boring experience, but I guessed this was the peak of it. It was obvious to me that time couldn’t get much slower to me.
Thu-u-ump..
The sound, slow and stretched and booming, shocked me. My pupils jerked around, trying to spot the source of the sound, but there was nothing in the room. Dread slowly filled me as I pieced together that the source of the sound was my heart. So much time for such a quick action. I wanted the drug to be over at that point.
I tried to push the fright down, and focus on reading the book, but simply flipping a page took what felt like many minutes. The sense of boredom kept building up, going past anything I’d ever experienced before. I tried to fidget, or move, but even though I could clearly feel the sensation of trying to move, it was like my body wasn’t listening.
It was clear to me that my mind was moving far too fast for my body to keep up. I decided the best thing to do was to focus on my thoughts, and memories, and try to entertain myself that way. To make the visualization easier I closed my eyes, which took a full minute.
I began by going over my childhood, replaying the memories that meant the most to me. The few precious moments I’d had with my mother before she passed away. The fear at seeing my father angry at me for the first time. Kissing my crush for the first time. It filled me with so many emotions, but eventually, it became boring and exhausting.
Deciding to get back to reading the book, I tried to open my eyes. They weren’t opening. I strained them as much as I could, but my vision remained black. My eyelids weren’t listening to me, or they were but the movement was simply too slow for me to notice.
When I thought about it, I realized that I hadn’t heard my heart beat in what felt like forever. The whole time I’d gone over my memories my heart hadn’t beat a single time. I hadn’t taken a breath in that time either. It was simply me, my thoughts, and darkness.
I broke down. I sobbed, but no noise came out. It was all contained in my head, and a deep sinking hole in my chest. I tried to lash out, to scream, but my mouth wouldn’t move, and my tongue wouldn’t budge. I wanted it all to stop. I was finished, but there was absolutely nothing I could do but wait.
For how long?
Maybe I could take a nap? Maybe I could fall asleep, and when I woke this would all be over. That became my plan, but before I could do so, I needed to calm down first. The more I thought about my situation the more stressful I became, so I tried to put my mind off it, and focus on something more pleasant.
I did it. I fell asleep despite the uncomfortable sitting position and crazy situation, but I woke to the same darkness. That meant hours had passed to me, and the drug was still impacting me. How long would this go on?
A week passed. What had been an uncomfortable situation turned into my worst nightmare. I didn’t want any of this anymore. Honestly, I wanted to die, for all of this to be over, but I had no capability to do so.
Maybe… Maybe I already am dead.
Once I’d gotten the thought, it wouldn’t go away. I hadn’t heard my own heartbeat in what must have been days, neither that nor my breath. I was sure of it now, I had died. The drug must have induced a fatal reaction. This was death. I was stuck here for the rest of eternity. This was everything.
A year passed, or I think a year, but perhaps it was ten years. During my time, my mind was so starved for attention that it felt like it began eating itself for something to do. I would hear voices speaking to me, screams, horrible and horrifying, see eyes staring at me within the darkness. I’d stopped thinking of myself as me. Any conception of myself had disappeared, and instead there was simply process and then there was an observer.
Then it all stopped. My heart started beating again, and I was breathing, and my eyes opened, and I was sitting in that damned room that I had entered so long ago. It all felt so unreal to me. I had been so sure of my own death.
I screamed and screeched and a centuries worth of agony poured out of me. My fingers ripped into my skin, drawing crimson. I bashed my head against the table, and moved to get out, and away from the room.
I remember that the researchers restrained me, and that I was sent to a psych ward. It took me years before I regained my sanity, and even then nothing was I wasn’t myself. I find that if it’s silent for too long I have a panic attack.
I’d taken legal action, and won a meaningless sum of money. They had shown the recording of what happened on that day. I took the pill and two minutes after doing so I stood up, screaming and ripping my own skin. I almost couldn’t comprehend the video. Within those two minutes there had been an eternity.
And to this day, I am terrified of what is coming. Even though I know that I can never truly know what happens after death, my mind and I truly believe that death will bring that same eternal darkness, and that there is nothing I can do to stop it. I am powerless and condemned to an eternity of torture.