It had been a late night at work. My feet dragged under me as I made my way to the subway station. I wondered to myself if all these late shifts were worth the paycheck. The pay was alright, and I never had to budget very much, but the back pain was beginning to catch up to me. “I should really pick up some more Excedrin on my way home.” I thought, forcing my feet down the stairs.
“What am I even doing anymore? I have no passion for my work. What happened to that childlike wonder I used to have? Wasn’t I gonna go somewhere with my life?” I glanced at my phone, 11:13. I sighed, “Guess reality beat me into submission at some point along the way. What did I even want to do?”
Scanning my card, I made my way through the turnstiles, to where the subway would be meeting me in about 15 minutes. “How did I forget what I wanted to do? Did I get too caught up in my work life? I had passion, ambition, that’s why I started working here. I wanted to make enough money to do… something. Didn’t I?”
Sitting down at a bench, I took a deep breath, pulling out my phone to check for any notifications. Two awaited me, both being random Facebook notifications from a group I’m in. As I opened the Facebook notification, I began to hear and feel a rumbling from the left side of the station. Checking the time showed 11:16. “Guess they’re early.” I thought, putting my phone back in my pocket.
A small gust of wind slapped me in the face as the train whizzed and began to slow. It took longer than usual to stop; but eventually, with the last cart left in the station, I made my way to the train.
The door opened as I approached, and as I got on, I glanced around. There were a few other people in there, all looking just to the side of me. As if they were trying to avoid eye contact. “Guess the conductor’s having an off day huh?” I chuckled, not receiving any response. A few seconds after the awkward silence, I made my way to an empty seat. I took a few more glances around, but everyone seemed to be doing their own thing, waiting for their stop.
Another stop came, an older looking bald man with a fedora got on, sitting next to me. A couple more stops came and went, the cart only seeming to gain more people. I had a few more stops before I could get off. At the next stop, the old man turned to me. I glanced over at him, noticing he was wearing a well fitted charcoal suit. “Can I help you?” I asked politely.
The man spoke, looking just to the right of me, “I’m not sure you’re on the right train.”
I got a little nervous, wondering if I really had accidentally gone to the wrong side of the station, “Is this one not going south?”
“No it is.” He chuckled, “You just hopped on a little early didn’t you. The trains are never late here, y’know.”
I let out a short snort, “Okay buddy.” I turned back to my phone, waiting for my stop to come. Then waited.
Time kept on passing, but no more stops came. Before I could try to get up to call for the train to stop, my eyes grew heavy. I felt like I’d just been injected with 50 mg of melatonin. Before I knew it, I was out.
The sun was shining in my eyes when I awoke. Nothing felt real. Standing up was a chore, I felt shaky. As I tried to focus my eyes, I found they wouldn’t, not on what I was intending them to. I made my way to the door lightheaded, wondering if I’d caught something the day before.
Stumbling out the door, I was greeted with an above ground station mid day. There seemed to be a lot of people getting off, but no one getting on. I was so disoriented I couldn’t tell where I was, but something wasn’t right, I was sure of that. Subways didn’t go above ground, did they?
I practically fell down the platform, the lack of control in my legs making movement difficult. Careening my way to the sidewalk, a couple people asked me if I was feeling alright. Due to my lack of energy, I passed them by. I put all my effort in trying to focus on a street sign. “Calden Ave.” Where’s that supposed to be? I pulled out my phone, putting my hand over my eyes to block out the unrelenting blaze above.
8:17, I tried to do the math in my head to figure out how long I’d been out, but it was too much for my fogged mind. The world was a haze, “What’s going on with me?” I thought, checking to see how many bars I had. Though it was hard to tell from the blur, it seemed I didn’t have any service.
I let out a shallow moan, putting away my phone. A few people looked in my direction, but quickly went back to what they were doing.
After 30 or so minutes of waiting for a taxi, I decided stumbling my way to the nearest hospital would be my best shot. As time went on, it felt as though I was walking the same street on repeat. My head fog seemed to improve slowly over time, but the fever dream feeling persisted.
After a couple hours had passed it had begun to get dark. Was I hallucinating now? It seemed real. I kept walking, trying to see if there was anywhere I could stay at the very least. As time passed, I soon came across an empty parking lot with a large sign. I looked up hazily, “Hotel Grande.”
Glancing around, I didn’t see any other buildings nearby. I was in the middle of some forest. Deciding I didn’t have any other options, I headed for the entrance. Opening the door, I found a middle aged man reading a newspaper, sitting at a desk. Walking over to him, I realized I couldn’t tell what kind of paper he was reading, as if it were in another language. Focusing on the page, I could tell it was English, but it was like my brain couldn’t piece the letters together.
“Excuse me sir, I’d like to rent out a room.”
The man glanced up, not putting his newspaper down, “Another one of you huh? Room 215 is open.” He went back to reading.
“How much?”
“What?”
“I’m asking how much for the room.” My fevered state being the only reason I wasn’t growing agitated.
He finally put the paper down, “Look kid, it’s open. No charge, no key. Just go to room 215, go to sleep, and everything will be fine. Disturb me again, and I’ll throw your scrawny ass out.”
Deciding I’d rather not be thrown to the curb, I decided to head to the room. When I got there, I noticed there wasn’t any sort of smell to the place. Like it had been cleaned with pure neutral water. Not even a hint of a cigarette, despite the overall shabby appearance of the room. Exhaustion overwhelming, I laid on the bed. I didn’t even have time to pull a blanket over me before everything went dark. I didn’t dream that night, I’m not entirely sure why. But when I woke up, I didn’t feel much different, I was a little less exhausted, but the fevered sensation was still strong.
Heading downstairs, I walked out the door. I thought I heard the man mumble something, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I felt as though I was gliding as I continued walking. I was unsure of where I was going, but moving was the only thing that kept me tethered to reality. Whenever I stopped, I’d feel myself begin to slip back into an unconscious state. The blurs that passed me by left me with mere impressions of what they could be.
Eventually, I found myself at a small footbridge, looking down, I saw there was a narrow creek underneath. Once I felt myself beginning to fade, I stepped onto the bridge. Making it to the other side, I found a pitch black horse standing a little ways away, staring at me. My slipping reality forced me to make my way to the horse. Reaching out a hand, it tilted its head back, avoiding my touch.
“What are you doing here?” A voice overtook the area around me.
I jumped back, nearly tripping over my numb legs. Nervous, I glanced around, trying to focus on anyone that might be around. Not seeing anyone, I approached the horse again, cautiously.
“You slipped out of your reality yesterday, you must find yourself again.”
I took a couple steps back, heart hitting my chest, “W-what?”
The horse looked me directly in the eyes, opened its mouth, the mouth then split straight down the center. Each part of the mouth curled outward, revealing a mouth of jagged teeth lining every inch of gums.
“I advise you find yourself again before you fade.” The creature then turned, and walked away.
Turning around, I floated back the way I’d come. Everything seemed more distorted than before. Though, with time, I eventually found myself running into people again. Their faces seemed off, none of them looking quite real. Larger than normal eyes for some, displaced noses for others, some had no mouths whatsoever.
Eventually I found my subconscious leading me somewhere, I couldn’t derail myself from wherever I was going. Time passed, and I ended up finding myself in front of a seemingly familiar home. Checking the door, I was thankful it was unlocked.
As I entered, I heard people talking. Their words were indiscernible, but I was sure there were people somewhere. Heading to the out of focus kitchen, it sounded as though they may be downstairs. I walked around every room, trying to make out a stairway. Eventually, I found it. Through a doorway in the corner of the living room, I made my way downstairs.
Their voices immediately became more audible, but all I could hear was gibberish. Not quite like they were speaking another language per say, more like I was no longer capable of understanding English. I knew their words should’ve been making sense, but it was like my brain couldn’t connect each word to the other.
As I took each step down the winding stairs, my brain fog became far more unrelenting. I was in a haze, hardly able to process the limited visual information around me. “Is there even a light here?” I looked up as my feet glided down the winding steps. I knew there was light coming from somewhere, but it was as if the air itself was producing it.
Finally, I reached the final step, and the voices stopped. I looked ahead to make out four figures, aside from some vague details, they appeared to be mere silhouettes. Two of them were looking to my left, one to my right, and the last just above my head.
“Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt…” My body nearly gave out from under me, I’d begun to lose sensation in my body. I couldn’t feel the feet in my shoes, the shirt I was wearing, nor the belt around my waist. All that existed in that moment was my dwindling consciousness. “I-I don’t mean to interrupt… but do I know you?”
The one looking to my right asked something, though I couldn’t make out any words. A few moments passed, and a more stern sounding statement came from the one looking above me. When the two looking to my left said something, they all began repeating the same sound. I knew I recognized them, but it was like they were chanting for me to leave. When one took a step toward me I ran up the stairs as fast as I could. Once I made it out of the house, I collapsed to the ground, deep panting until the smallest amount of focus returned to me. I was finally able to feel the shoes on my feet again.
As I rose, a sudden shrieking began stabbing my eardrums. I held my hands over my ears before suddenly understanding what the shrieking was saying.
I bolted as fast as I could, tripping a few times as I regained sensation in my legs. I had to run full speed, there was no avoiding it. As I pumped my arms, I began feeling the muscles and weight they carried. The head fog began to clear when I slipped turning a corner, scraping my right side up pretty bad. Refusing to fade, I got back up, pushing the pain to the back of my mind. There was no way I would let this vision, or afterlife or whatever the hell it was, beat me. I refused to let myself go.
I finally made it right as one last ungodly shriek sounded through the train station. I paused for a moment, panting before heading to the door. The door that had begun closing.
I tried screaming to wait as I picked up speed again. But the train wasn’t stopping. I ran full speed managing to get my fingers in the door, but I couldn’t pry it open, and no one was on the train to help me.
The train began to move, and I couldn’t do anything. I tried pulling my fingers out at first, but that was just as ineffective as prying the thing open. “Hey! Help, SOMEONE HELP! IT ISN’T STOPPING AND I’M STUCK!” But it was all for nothing, no one would even look in my direction. They all just continued with what they were doing as the train picked up more and more speed.
Eventually, I collapsed, my fingers sliding down but still holding me in place as the concrete began skinning me alive. I screamed and shrieked for anyone to save me, but just like before, it was useless. There was no point, but the pain was just too much to bear, so I continued. Right as the train reached the threshold of the first tunnel, everything went dark.
-——————–
When I regained consciousness, I was on the train. I looked around, and saw that this time, it was the train I took home. I patted myself down, feeling for anything out of the ordinary. My vision was back to normal, my head fog was gone, I didn’t have any scrapes or anything. I let out a sigh of relief.
The train began picking up speed again and I decided to check my phone to see how much longer I had to get to my stop. But a cold sweat overtook me when I saw the time was only 11:30. I checked to make sure, but the date was the same. How could it only have been 14 minutes? How did I get on the train? What was going on?
And as all those questions overtook me, a long since forgotten memory surfaced as I remembered who those people in the house were. They were the childhood friends I used to hang out with. A tear made its way down my face, signaling the initial cracks of a dam to burst.
The ones I’d planned a future with, the people I promised I’d be friends with forever, the ones who went missing when I was twelve. I’d made a promise as I cried over their disappearances back then, and I intend to keep it.
I’m posting this here, not for you all, but for my family. So if I never make it back, they at least have a way of finding out why. We’re not exactly on speaking terms, but if any of them happen to be reading this, I’m going to go find Emma, Konnor, Olive, and Tyler. I know what I experienced was real, there’s just no way a dream like that can fit into 14 minutes. I don’t know what I experienced, but I think it was a sign, a sign that they’re still out there. And I just can’t stand keeping at this dead-end life without them.
This is Henry Yaeler, signing off.