We have gone through many therapy sessions, and nothing seems to work.
It all started back in 2017. It was the best year of my life. I’d just got my first girlfriend, were doing great in school and had sex for the first time. I was experimenting with a few drugs, as well. It was so nice, I would want to stay in that time of my life forever.
That was, until September.
My childhood house had been haunted by a certain ghost since I can remember. It’s somewhat funny to think that we’d all accepted the presence of a spirit although my parents are pretty conservative about this type of stuff, and we’d discuss everything it did. You’d hear footsteps on the ceiling every now and then, even though we were in a flat on the highest floor. We’d sometimes feel the presence, see its shadow in the walls and even doors closing randomly, and even dishes falling out of the cabinet.
Then, one of the days I was buzzing on MDMA, I started going through heavy hallucinations. We had done a large amount of the drug, and to be honest, it was one of those cases where I was testing my limit so that I would never visit it again (or at least that was my excuse).
I would close my eyes and see random shapes, and I even remember seeing a very bright neon butterfly as if it was spinning in place. It wasn’t flying or anything. It was like it was pasted in the image of whatever I was looking at.
Then, my friend had to leave. And I was high out of my mind, alone, and out of control.
I got in bed and was waiting for the crash to come, but it wasn’t. I was hallucinating about racing, and horses, I kept feeling like my friend was still there, talking to him, but he wasn’t there.
And then I saw him.
I was looking at myself standing in the doorway to my room. He was dressed badly, his clothes were ripped, and he was looking at me with some sort of contempt.
I froze, but I brushed it off as a very severe high and looked away. When I looked back, he wasn’t there, but I definitely saw his shadow leaving. It was a very familiar shadow.
I don’t remember much about the rest of the trip. I passed out or slept, and when I woke up the dopamine crash was pretty intense. I’m not sure whether it was from the MDMA, or if it was from the hallucinations themselves, but I was feeling watched.
I talked to my friend about the experience, but apparently, it’s not that normal to have these types of hallucinations on MDMA. But now I see him everywhere, or should I say he’s watching me everywhere.
My life switched for the better, as I was trying to please him. I had this constant feeling of disappointment from him if I did drugs, did badly in school, or if whatever I was doing wasn’t right for me.
I got married, had kids, and watched them grow. Everywhere, in the background of every happy or sad moment in my life, there was that very badly dressed man, with ripped clothes. You could sense the disappointment, the sadness, the disgust emanating from him whatever I did.
I was growing tired, and it was getting to my head. The feeling of not being enough, not doing enough, and the uncertainty of whether whatever I was doing was right was killing me.
I grew old, and he was there on my death bed. Disgusted. Disappointed. All as if I had done something wrong to him.
Apparently, it’s now my time to take his place. And I’ll make sure to subtly punish my victim by making them feel like they are doing something wrong. It’s how we make sure that they’re never too comfortable. Some crack under pressure, but those who don’t, lead a good life. All for the greater good.