Some lessons are hard learned. No matter how much warning you get, no matter how many times you’re told no, you have to get burned before you realize maybe Mom knew what she was talking about when she said that fire’s hot. Most kids will catch on after one, maybe two, mishaps and adjust their behavior. Graham, though? Graham was a little shit.
He was a troublemaker straight out of the womb; almost killed my sister to give birth to him. To be fair, he almost killed himself, too, but while he recovered, the emotional toll it took on Patty wasn’t something she could ever bounce back from. Almost losing her little baby boy transformed him into this eternally fragile creature that required constant attention and devotion in her mind. She didn’t see her two older daughters missing their mother’s love or the way the favoritism alienated them from their brother.
She only had eyes for Graham.
She coddled him through infancy and toddlerhood, his elementary school years all the way through his high school. The result, as one might guess, was a bullheaded, arrogant mama’s boy with an entitled streak as wide as it was long. Trying to get him to follow rules was a headache, watching him mistreat his sisters was a heartache, and if anyone said anything about his bad behavior to Patty? Get ready for an earful.
“You don’t understand him!” She’d cry. “Graham didn’t mean to do anything bad! Maybe his sisters started it! He’s a sensitive boy, leave him alone!”
It was a never ending string of excuses with her. Trying to talk sense into the kid directly was even worse.
“You can’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to listen to you! You aren’t the boss of me!”
Thank Christ, kid.
By the time he graduated high school, he had wracked up quite a bit of debt in his parents’ names after stealing their credit cards, wrecked more than one car that had been given to him as a gift, and almost burned my house down after I wouldn’t let him take my brand new laptop to college. He said the last bit was an accident, that he hadn’t meant to knock the candle over and ignite my curtains, and I told him that I wasn’t going to mean it when I beat him senseless and accidentally put him in the hospital.
Yeah, it was over the line and hitting him wouldn’t solve anything anyway, but I’m pretty sure it still would have felt good to smack that little smug smile off his face while his mom screamed at me for being abusive.
Like I said; little shit.
Nothing I said or did got through to him because Mommy was always there to tell him he was perfect, he could do no wrong, blah blah blah.
Graham didn’t really fuck up though until his going away party. It was late August, right before he was to head off to college, and I was so happy to see him go that I had opted to host it at my house, even knowing he might very well torch it. My family had gathered to celebrate in my backyard with a barbecue and a few presents and, surprisingly, it started off pretty well. His sisters, Franny and Ellen, had even decided to come, although I’d had to bribe them with copious amounts of booze for that to happen.
I was sitting on my porch with the girls, listening to them talk about getting ready for their last year of college, when a shrill squawk interrupted Ellen mid sentence.
“What was that?” She asked, glancing towards the sound.
“Probably the magpies.” I said. “They nest over in one of the trees. Noisy assholes.”
Honestly I loved the little buggers. They could be annoyingly smart, way too loud, and a big nuisance when I was trying to get yard work done under their tree and they were feeling territorial, but mostly we had an understanding. They also reminded me of my late gran, a superstitious old lady who had told me constantly as a child to always respect three things above all else; God, your elders, and magpies. You didn’t want to get on the bad side of a bird who could bring you nothing but terrible luck.
While I didn’t really believe that, I still tipped my proverbial hat to them whenever I saw them in her memory.
Ellen gave me a nudge. “Hey, I think Graham’s throwing things at them.”
“What?”
I turned in time to see Graham hurl a full, glass bottle of beer at one of the magpies. The bird, who had been crowing at the boy from a branch, caught the bottle square in the chest. I was halfway across the yard when it landed on the ground with a soft thud. It laid there shuddering, obviously suffering, its little head rolling weakly from side to side. Graham picked up the bottle, which had remained intact, and dropped it on the poor creature once again.
Above, its mate, fluttered anxiously around their nest.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I shoved Graham so hard that he stumbled back and fell on to his backside.
“What the hell?” He snapped, surprised.
I ignored him, well aware that if I didn’t, I would do far worse than a simple push, and knelt over the bird. It was only trembling now, it’s chest rising and falling in quick, futile gasps. A dark liquid bubbled out of its beak. I scooped it up and cradled it in my hands while my family, drawn by the commotion, surrounded us.
It died quietly, just a small shiver and then a final, limp stillness. Its mate continued to cry out overhead, circling and swooping in erratic distress.
“Did it fall out?” My mother asked.
“Graham killed it!” Franny shouted accusingly.
“He wouldn’t!” Patty started to protest, but I set the bird down and whirled on her.
“Get your son off my property before I kill him.”
“He was just playing!” She said defensively, looking to our parents and her husband for support. “He didn’t mean it!”
“Bullshit he didn’t!” I hadn’t expected to be so angry, I hadn’t even been that upset when he pulled the stunt with the candle, but this, this was different. He’d tortured a living thing, he’d murdered it, for fun.
“Let’s calm down-“ My brother-in-law fancied himself a mediator, but I was in no mood.
“You two can go too, then. I’ve let a lot of his shit slide over the years, but this? No. Not even you can make up excuses for this.”
“It’s just a bird!” Patty snapped.
“Out!” I roared, giving her a push. My mother laid a hand on my arm, but I shook her off. “Take him and go before I call the cops and report him for animal abuse!”
Indignantly, Patty and her husband gathered Graham up between them and led him away. He had the audacity to shoot a middle finger over his shoulder and I almost threw the same bottle he’s killed the bird with at the back of his head. Only Dad stepping in front of me stopped me.
With the celebratory mood gone, we buried the magpie and ate a quiet dinner in my kitchen.
As my parents left with the girls that night, Mom pulled me aside and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“I know Graham’s a tough kid to love…”
“He’s 18, not a kid.”
“Be that as it may, honey, please try to get past this. For the family.”
“It’s Patty’s fault he’s like that.”
Mom sighed and nodded. “I know, but threatening him won’t help anything.”
“What will then?”
“I don’t know. I wish I did! I hate to see you guys fighting.” She smiled, but it was tired and strained. “Graham will learn his lesson eventually, but I don’t think it’s your place to teach it to him.”
“Then who the hell will?” I said grumpily.
After they’d gone, I sat out back with a beer and listened to the magpie continuously call for her mate. It was a low, sad sound, and it made me think of my gran again and an old poem she’d recite. I didn’t remember it all, just the first two lines.
One for sorrow
Two for joy
Well, Graham had certainly seen to it that the one remaining was full of sorrow.
The next morning, the nest they’d occupied for the last few years was empty.
I was a bit sad to have lost both of the birds, but it wasn’t exactly hard to move on. They were wild animals, not pets, and with Graham off at school, it was easier to let go of my anger. I still refused to see Patty and attempted to avoid any news about her psychopath of a son, but that was more due to years of resentment finally erupting as opposed to just the most recent incident.
Truth be told, I found a life without Graham to be incredibly enjoyable. It’s a terrible thing to hate your only nephew, but I did come to realize and accept that it had gone that far. Maybe we’d reconcile one day, but I wasn’t planning on it any time soon.
Unfortunately, even ignoring his existence didn’t mean I was completely in the dark about his goings on. Family news has a way of slipping in even when you don’t want it.
“How’s Graham?” Mom asked the girls over dinner one night. They were visiting for the weekend and, since Patty couldn’t be there, I’d been more than happy to go to my parents’ house to have dinner with them.
“He’s fine.” Franny said with a role of her eyes. “Just another car gone.”
“That’s his third one, right?” Ellen asked.
“Think so.”
“He was in an accident.” Mom told me, even as I made a show of not listening by noisily slurping my noodles. “He rear ended someone.”
I grunted.
“He’s been having a bit of a rough time adjusting to college.”
“His own fault.” Ellen scoffed.
“Not all of it.” Mom said.
“Why don’t you girls tell us how you’re doing, huh? Only one more semester after this one?” Dad tactfully steered the table away from what was no doubt going to become a heated conversation.
Even with Dad’s attempt to guide us all away, Graham still kept popping up in conversation. I learned that, in addition to his car crash, he’d fallen down a flight of stairs going down to the outdoor quad and sprained his wrist, lost a thumb drive containing an important report for one of his classes, and dropped his glasses, breaking them and leaving himself severely nearsighted until a replacement pair could be sent to him.
I felt exactly zero sympathy for him.
As the weeks went on, more bad news regarding my nephew kept trickling in. He’d been out for a jog and tripped into a thorny bush, he was accused of throwing rocks at a girl sitting near him while she ate lunch in the quad, he was showing up late and disorganized to class. I didn’t mind these sorts of updates; if anything, they brightened my day just a bit. Seemed the little shit was finally getting what he deserved.
It started to get worse towards the end of his semester. I heard from my mom that he was refusing to leave his room, that he was paranoid and afraid of going outside. He screamed at anyone who tried to make him leave his dorm. Just what was bothering him was a mystery, he wouldn’t say, but even I was starting to get a little concerned with this rapid change of behavior.
I told Mom I hoped he got better, but beyond that, there was nothing I could do. Patty would handle it and that would be that.
Except Graham didn’t reach out to his mom, or to anyone else that would have been more inclined to help him.
Instead, he called me.
It was late and I was just about to head to bed when my phone rang. When I saw Graham’s name on the ID, I almost didn’t pick up, but my bleeding heart got the best of me.
“Hello.” I said with a sigh.
“How did you do it?” Graham asked edgily. His tone made me picture him hunched over in a chair, hair wild, eyes red rimmed, rocking back and forth while he clutched the phone.
“Huh?”
“Tell me how you did it! How are you controlling it?”
“Did what?” I was one more cryptic question away from hanging up.
“The damn bird, asshole!” His voice cracked and he blubbered into the line.
“Ok, you’re going to have to explain this to me like I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“The magpie! It’s been following me for months. It waits until I’m alone and then attacks me, makes me trip! It sent me down stairs, into a bush, it knocked my glasses off. If I leave anything out on a table when I’m outside, it steals it! I failed a huge assignment because it took my report!”
“Right.”
“It’s done worse. It dropped fucking rocks on another kid and she blamed me! It even flew into my car window and made me crash!”
“A…magpie?”
“Yes! It sits at my bedroom window and taps on the glass all night. I can’t get any sleep; I haven’t in weeks. You have to make it stop!” His voice was strained with desperate pleading.
“Wait, you really think I’m somehow controlling this bird?” I couldn’t quite hide my disbelief.
“You have to be! Everyone I’ve tried to tell here thinks I’m crazy, but it’s stalking me, it wants to hurt me! You’re still mad about that stupid bird from the party, aren’t you?”
“Seriously, Graham, what’s going on?”
“I told you! It’s the magpie! You sent it after me, I know it!”
“You sound insane.” I said flatly. He howled in anguish and I grimaced. “Ok, listen, I didn’t send a damn bird after you, I’m not a fairytale princess who talks to the fucking woodland creatures.”
He went quiet for a moment and all I heard was pathetic sniveling. “What do I do?”
“I dunno, man, if you think it’s the bird from my yard then…have you tried apologizing to it?”
“No…”
“Well, you did kill her mate.”
“Not on purpose!” He whined defiantly.
“Whatever, I told you what I think you should do. It’s on you now.”
I hung up on him mid-wail.
After I’d set the phone down, I wandered to my back window and looked across the dark yard, to the tree where the magpies had made their nest. It had remained empty since the female had abandoned it.
The kid had to be having some kind of breakdown, I reasoned. There was no way that bird could have followed him halfway across the state. Was a magpie even smart enough to be so aggressively vindictive?
No. No. He just couldn’t handle college; the pressure was too much, he was losing it. Happened more often than you’d think with freshman.
But I glanced out the window again and I heard my gran’s voice echo in the back of my mind and, as silly as it was, I found I wasn’t entirely convinced.
One for sorrow.