“Tick, tick, tick…”
There it was again, the sound of not being able to sleep. I’ve been asking myself for nights on end where this sound comes from. Sometimes you immediately recognize sounds, but this one was indescribable. In fact, the questions flash through my head, which I don’t know the answer to. The only thing I do notice is that I get goosebumps from it.
“Tick, tick, tick…”
I noticed that I kept falling deeper into a black hole of thoughts and tried to fall asleep again with all my might. Easier said than done, who can do that after all? Not doing something that the mind can’t let go of. Or am I lying to myself here and trying to talk away the real reason why I can’t sleep? I don’t know anymore. I keep staring at the ceiling with a fixation on the sound.
“Tick, tick, tick..”
How did I end up here in the first place? Why am I going through all this trouble for someone who was never really there for me? It was 2011 when I lost my mother in a traffic accident. The loss hit us hard. My father and I already had a poor relationship and my mother’s departure only made it worse. 3 years later, I received an email, it was from a doctor with a name that said nothing to me. Dr. Eli Vendor began his email with a remarkable way of building up. It’s as if we’ve known each other for years and Dr. Vendor hasn’t spoken to me in a while. I quickly read through the email with the feeling that I was reading yet another spam email. Until I came across a piece in the email that I couldn’t believe. I read it again, and again, and again. It’s not right, how can a Dr. Eli that I’ve never heard of know such private information? To be sure, I read the paragraph again. It really was there.. “After the loss of Mrs. Taliyah Valentine, your father has not held up well. This has led to a psychological disorder that has left us on the brink of losing your father to self-harm.”
“Tick, tick, TICK..”
The sound gets louder and louder each time. As if something or someone is becoming more aggressive and impatient. I notice my heart beating faster and faster. “Tick, tick, TICK” I feel that something is not right. I’m sleeping in a small room alone… but still, I feel a presence. A presence that you don’t want, one that makes you breathe shorter and faster. “Tick, tick, TICK” with each little sound, I feel it coming closer…
“Tick…”
The sound stopped.. it had never been so quiet in my room. I felt every drop of sweat streaming down my head under my blanket. So warm, I was gasping for air. “Click” This time a different sound, one that you recognize from a thousand. Someone had turned the light on. I gathered all my courage and pulled the blanket off me with all my strength.
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