Throw away account. Just wanted people to hear my story.
My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 7. We both have trauma from past relationships. Hers from cheating and abuse. Mine from cheating and emotional abuse. So we have a few issues when it comes to relationships.
A few years into our relationship my wife came out to me as asexual. It threw me for a loop because I’m hyper sexual. Sex is also how I feel loved and wanted. This will be important later.
A while back we joined our local kink community. We had both agreed we were not going to have any sexual partners but we would have play partners. We were both in to different things so it was only fitting we have different play partners. This was the agreement and I was totally happy with it.
About a year ago my wife came to me and told me she wanted to be poly. She told me she only wanted a submissive to please her. There would be no intercourse. Again I was fine with it. So I agreed. I was worried or anything. Is was only a kink partner not a lover. Turns out that wasn’t the case.
She came to me one night and said she was going to meet a “friend” I knew what she meant. She went out and didn’t come home. I tried to hold it together but I couldn’t. When she got home I broke down. She had cheated. It wasn’t some submissive. It was a coworker. Some normal guy. Not a member of the kink community. She said she would stop it with him. I would only find out later they were messing around for another 4 months together. It was also around this time she started to make plans to do things like concerts and festivals but not include me. She said because it wasn’t my thing. But I have always take a m interest in things she was into. That’s what you do when you love someone. You support them and take interest. She has never always taken an interest in my hobbies. But mine tend to be very technical. So it’s not surprising. What hurt was no longer being included. It really added to my negative mental health. I felt like she no longer wanted me to be apart of her life.
We moved on. Im an emotional wreck for weeks. I still am. She continues to ask me if she’s allowed to be poly. I say yes because im trying to keep her happy. She continued asking for a while.
During that time she started going out with her friends more. This was nothing really new. We have kids so we can’t go out together all the time. She started hang out with him more and more. Always ending up at his house. Again I wasn’t worried because we have done this before. Turns out she was hooking up with him the whole time. While telling me nothing was going on.
The officially get together a few months later. She sleeps other there once a week. I am a wreck every time she walks out that door.
Now you maybe wondering about me dating. I tired. I went out with one of our mutual poly friends. I had a great time. But apparently I didn’t communicate my intentions of dating and having sexual relations. I came home and the wife grilled me. We got in a crazy fight over it and she wanted to leave. Yes, I know the hypocrisy she did the same thing. But she didn’t know I knew. So I stoped seeing that friend.
A few months later I tried online dating. I don’t get out much. I work full time, take care of the kids and the house. My wife works crazy hours. So I’m home all the time with no real time to go out. I would rather spend the little free time she has, between work, sleep, her boyfriend, with her. So I’m not afforded the same opportunity to date. I’m always with the kids and doing all the chores.
There is so much more to the story. Like her manipulation and gaslighting. Not to mention my own mental health diagnosis. Some days I’m good and happy. Others I just want to leave and her her live the life life she obviously wants. I’m just too much in love with her. Even when she says she’ll stop eventually I tell her no because I know that’s what she wants to hear and I’m afraid of losing her.
here I am now. I have a wife who cheated on me. She still has her boyfriend. I hate every minute of it. I just love her to much. She really is the love of my life. I told her that when I make plans. I only make them with her in mind. Everything I do is with her in mind. I guess this is just my life from now on.
Thanks Reddit for letting me tell my story.