I knew working at a call center meant I would be surrounded by eccentric people, but my boss Bartholomew Haggarth takes the cake.
He’s a fifty something overweight hot head with more compulsion problems than a therapist could possibly handle. Thankfully, I only see him when I work the second shift so I’ve done my best to keep my distance, keep my head down and just do my job. Get paid, go home. Easy right? I thought if I did that, Haggarth wouldn’t bother me. But I seriously think the guy is a magnet for causing friction in the workplace.
I’ll give you an example of just how irritating this guy is : my coworker Beth was chewing on ice chips just the other day to keep her awake. She’s got two kids and working late doesn’t do her any favors.
Haggarth was walking the cubicles, acting like he owned the place. His belly jiggling, his nose stuck up in the air, grunting like a bull elephant. I swear if there was ever a need for a poster child for obnoxious people, he would be first pick.
When he spotted Beth, who was on the phone with a particularly irate customer, he zeroed in on the ice chips and started shuffling his body toward her.
She was midway through calming the customer down when Haggarth grabbed the cup of ice chips and shook it loudly next to her ear and in that high pitched Boston accent snarkily asked, “Does everyone know what policy thirty three means??”
The whole floor got quiet. His voice tended to echo and he also repeated it so many times that ignoring him wasn’t possible.
“Maybe Miss Flaren can remind us exactly what the policy says food and drink on the work floor,” he commented, snapping her work headset off and shouting to the customer on the other end of the line. “Please hold, we’ll get an actual trained professional to call you back in just a minute.”
Beth sat there, frustrated and too upset for words as Haggarth crossed his arms and rattled the ice chips again.
She sighed and reiterated the policy in a low voice. “Employees are to keep their cubicle space…”. But then he coughed so loud that you thought he was about to spit up a lung.
“Please, I don’t think some of us can hear you!” he said, yanking her up by the arm.
“Employees are to keep their cubicle space neat and organized at all times. This includes limiting any food and drink to a minimum of one or two items…” Beth said through gritted teeth. “So how many ice chips do you think Miss Flaren has here? Ten? Twelve?” Haggarth asked.
Needless to say, no one responded. He then proceeded to pour the chips of ice straight into her trash can and walked away as if he had just killed a deer.
So yeah, this son of a bitch deserved some karma. And that incident was a soft example, I only shared it because Beth gave me permission.
Anyway the point is that none of us like him.
And I think he gets a boner picking on me every time I’m there.
Whether it’s berating my quota or chastising how long I stay on the phone with a customer, it just seems like I can’t do anything right.
After one particular tongue lashing I was so upset that I excused myself for a 15 minute break. Even as I clicked for the request on my monitor, Haggard was reciting how the break was only a suggestion and mildly reprimanding me how I was wasting company time.
I stormed into the break room and slammed the pantry open, grabbing the strongest coffee I could find.
As I waited for the cup to brew, I started to use the leftover ground as my personal punching bag.
Behind me I saw Robbie, a guy an aisle over from me on the work floor, enter with a stiff smirk.
“Hogsloth is on the rampage again I see.”
I nearly burst out laughing. “Oh wow. That’s… that’s perfect.”
Robbie laughed back and leaned against the counter. “I know right? God, that guy is so wound up! I even made a meme of it…” he chuckled as he pulled out his phone.
“Better put that away or get a disciplinary hearing,” I joked.
“Ahhh doesn’t matter anyway. Don’t have any bars in this place,” he said slipping it away. “What the heck is his problem anyway?”
“Your guess is as good as mine. You’d think that we killed his grandma or something,” I said angrily.
We started to share anecdotes, a small competition to see who was on the chopping block for him next.
“I don’t understand how a guy like that can look at himself in the mirror at night,” I lamented, more disgusted by each story we told.
“You know I actually heard a rumor that he’s terrified of mirrors,” Robbie responded.
“You for real? That makes total sense when you look at his fashion sense,” I laughed back.
After a few more laughs, we heard Haggarth’s voice bellow across the work floor and I sighed, realizing my break was over.
“I would give half my paycheck to take him down a few notches, I tell you that,” Robbie said, the fun being sucked out of the room as we heard our boss going off on another tirade.
I flashed a devilish grin. “Maybe we should just fill his office up with mirrors,” I suggested.
Robbie laughed for a second and then noticed how serious I had gotten. “Nah, we could lose our jobs,” he sputtered.
“Over a harmless prank? What’s he going to do? He wouldn’t even know it was us,” I replied.
Robbie didn’t respond, but for the rest of my shift I kept picturing Hogsloth pissing himself just because of a mirror. It was enough to help me push through the last few hours.
The next day, Robbie pulled me aside before I clocked in. “I thought about it. I’m in. Let’s make Hogsloth squeal,” he told me. I smirked back and said I knew of at least two more girls on my aisle that had a bone to pick with our boss.
“You sure they’ll keep it a secret?” Robbie asked.
“One girl said They’d be willing to get fired just to see Haggarth cry,” I responded.
And with that, our pact was set in motion.
The two girls were Merle and Susan, and I made it their task to find out more about how Haggarth’s office was designed and the logistics of getting a large vanity style mirror in.
Susan knew the guy that worked down at the loading dock and said she could give him a BJ so he wouldn’t bat an eye.
Robbie was the main component because he knew who made the schedule and asked a few favors to get a print off of when Haggarth was off.
“Three day weekend coming up at the end of the month. That might be our chance,” I said as we discussed it in the break room.
“There’s still a kink to this whole plan. Where are we going to find a mirror?” Rob asked.
“That’s where Merle comes in. Her uncle owns an antique shop downtown. We’re just going to borrow one,” I said.
Rob sighed, clearly growing uncomfortable with this plan. “I don’t know, this feels like it could blow up in our faces.”
“Relax. I told you a thousand times that no one will ever know it’s us. All that matters is making Hogsloth pay for being such a pain in the ass, right?”
Rob said he was still in, but I made a mental note to keep an eye on him. One weak link could break the chain.
Two days later, it was go time. Thankfully Rob had also arranged for all four of us to take first shift and then meet up at work during graveyard hours. It meant we could move around without any nosey supervisors. It was always dead and everyone was way more lax. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a kid at home; I would have preferred that shift altogether.
So after I double checked with my babysitter, I met Rob at the loading dock.
“Any sign of Susan or Merle?” I whispered as he took a smoke nervously.
He gestured toward the nearby back office where I heard soft moans and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Well at least one of us is giving it their all,” I joked.
Merle arrived about ten minutes later with a small Uhaul truck and backed up right next to the loading platform.
Rob grabbed a dolly and I pulled the grating of the back panel up to reveal the mirror.
It was beautiful. At least as tall as me and ornately crafted from the finest wood, coated in a glossy finish and made of the sharpest clearest reflective glass I had seen in years.
“This thing probably costs more than all of our salaries combined,” Rob said as we carefully moved it toward the freight elevator.
“Which is why we are going to gently move it up,” I reminded him, a bit miffed that he was taking the joy out of our prank.
Haggarth’s office was on the sixth floor and as we rode the freight elevator, I stood next to Merle and smiled a little nervously as I saw her toy with her cross necklace. “Hey, no need to be guilty.” She smiled and put it down against her skin, asking, “What do you think his first reaction is going to be?”
“Probably cuss. Maybe faint?” I guessed with a chuckle. “Lord I hope not, he weighs a ton,” Rob lamented.
I ignored his fretting and pushed the antique mirror up to the door, jiggling the handle and cursing to myself.
“It’s locked. Fuck.”
For a moment it felt like our plan was going to unravel, then Rob snapped his fingers and said, “The janitor normally has the master key. Be right back.”
Merle and I waited leaning against the wall and probably looking like two complete idiots in our work clothes next to this huge mirror as a few coworkers strolled by.
“So much for keeping a low profile, now everyone will know it’s us,” Merle snarled.
I was trying to not get nervous so I reassured her that it would be fine. “Everyone hates him anyway. This is poetic justice being served.”
Susan arrived five minutes later, beaming with pride for the part she got to play and Merle remarked, “Must be nice.”
“What can I say? I’ve got a good way with my tongue.”
Rob returned before any more banter continued amongst the girls and showed the key, commenting, “I had to spin a stupid story about how we had to find some file in his desk for a project. I think our cover is blown though, at least three other people heard me say I was going into Haggarth’s office.”
“Will all of you please just chill,” I said as I unlocked the door.
“You act like he’s the damn company president. I swear this was supposed to be fun,” I growled. We slowly pulled the mirror into the room and Rob flicked on the lights.
Haggarth’s office was as dull and dreary as I expected it to be, there weren’t any plants or seating furniture. Just a drab black desk with a wide wingback chair and behind it on the wall, a self portrait that nearly made me want to puke.
It didn’t look anything like him, instead in the picture he was muscular and tall with silver hair and looked like he probably would have if he actually took care of his body.
“What an egotistical maniac,” I said, shaking my head as we adjusted his furniture to make room for the mirror.
Rob was watching the door and Susan was staring at the painting, clearly confused by it.
“Does he really think he looks like that? No wonder the man doesn’t like mirrors. If he saw the truth it would probably break his heart,” she chortled.
“Shit! My back!” Merle snapped as she struggled with the heavy desk.
I told her to take it easy as I got the mirror in place and said, “We should find a way to cover it up so he doesn’t see it.”
Rob took off his coat and tossed it to me, nervously glancing toward the hallway.
“Let’s just hurry up and get out of here…”
“Guys, problem,” Merle said as she looked out the window.
“Now what?” I said with a sigh.
“Haggarth. I just saw him pull into the parking lot. He must have come back from vacation early,” she said, turning to us in a state of panic.
“Shit. We need to get this thing out of here now!” Susan said, rushing to the mirror.
“Hold on! This doesn’t change anything! We just leave it here and watch the show unfold in live action, that’s all,” I said pointing toward the nearby supply closet.
The girls seemed to think that was a good idea so we all ran across the hall to the closest and hid, getting a peek of Haggarth’s office as we waited.
Five minutes passed and Susan began to complain. “It’s hot and stuffy in here and you stink Rob, no offense,” she snarled.
“What’s taking the fat oaf so long anyway?” Merle asked.
“Probably had to stop and take a shit or something,” I muttered.
“Nah he never uses the bathrooms in the building. Too many mirrors,” Rob commented.
“What a weirdo,” I sighed.
Ten minutes passed and Rob said, “I think Susan made a mistake. He’s not coming.”
“Give it five more minutes,” I insisted. He got out of the closest and said, “You guys can sweat here all night if you want. I’m getting my stuff and going home. See ya.”
I was about to shout that he come back as he went into Haggarth’s office to grab his coat when I spotted our pudgy boss trudging down the hall.
Shit. He saw me, I thought as his eyes zeroed in on me.
“Annette? What are you doing here so late?” Haggarth asked. I panicked, not sure what to say. The world seemed to freeze until a moment later Susan grabbed my arm and said, “We were just leaving, weren’t we Ann?”
I nodded and Haggarth didn’t push the issue, instead opening his office and walking into the dark room.
“Show time,” I said, squeezing my friend’s hand.
“Shit but what about…”
“Robert? What are you doing in my office?” we overheard our loudmouth boss say.
Too late, I thought as I apologized mentally for the heat Rob would get.
“And what is this…”
“Sir. I can explain,” I heard Rob say.
Then I heard Haggarth laugh.
It was this weird mix between sinister and toxic. Enough to make me reconsider our entire prank.
“So you thought this would give me a good scare, did you?” our boss asked. His voice sounded younger all of the sudden, rich and filled with anger and bitterness.
“Who do you think started those rumors to begin with?” Haggarth snarled, his voice now dripping with menace.
“Sir… please…”
Then I heard what sounded like a gagging sound. Followed by what sounded like a bone snapping.
“Shit!” Susan said, reaching for the office handle. Before I could stop her she flung the door open and we saw Haggarth standing there, holding Rob up by his necktie off the ground.
And behind them, in the mirror… we saw only Rob. Dangling in the air, held by an invisible ghastly menace that stood in front of us.
Half of Rob’s neck was in our bosses mouth, blood dripping off his lips as Rob struggled to break free.
Then Haggarth’s eyes darted to us, filled with rage and bloodlust. He pushed Rob backward into the mirror, the impact shattering the antique glass all over his body.
Immediately, before I could even process what I just saw I ran out of the room and toward the freight elevator.
Behind me I heard Susan let out a scream, followed by the sound of her body slamming against the wall. I pushed the button hard, desperately looking back toward the hall to see how close Haggarth was.
The man was moving with the velocity of a freight train, barreling down the hallway and cackling like a hyena. At the last second the elevator doors opened and I jumped inside.
His hands grabbed at the door, pushing it open as he towered over me. His entire appearance had changed, his clothes hardly fitting now as his taller fit form revealed itself and he picked me up and put me against the back of the elevator.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t slit your throat right here, Ann,” he whispered as he showed me his fangs.
“Hey Hogsloth!!” a voice said behind us.
Then Rob slammed a piece of glass into the old man’s right eye from behind.
Haggarth screamed and tossed me down the hall as he pushed his foot down hard on Rob, cracking his ribs.
Then; from the supply closet Merle made an appearance, flashing her cross necklace toward the ancient beast.
Haggarth shrieked and backed away, toward the elevator. I stumbled to my feet to help her, grabbing some of the broken glass and jamming it into his sides.
At the last moment as the elevator doors began to close, Haggarth grabbed Merle and ripped her arm off, tossing the cross away from him. Then he pulled her into the elevator as it slammed close. The last thing I saw was his black eyes as he hunched over her bleeding form.
I ran to Rob’s side, checking for a pulse as I pulled out my cellphone and was about to dial 911.
NO SIGNAL. Damn.
I pulled him up and started to drag him toward the next hallway, but he was far too heavy for me to do it alone. Susan was the only other person on the floor, and it looked her the blow to her head had caused permanent damage.
“Shit,” I said as I saw that the elevator was starting to climb back up. Haggarth was coming back.
I had to run. Run and hide.
I slipped into the supply closet just as the doors opened up and I smelled fresh blood. I saw Merle crawling out, half of her body ripped to shreds as she called for help, and Haggarth climbed over her and on the ceiling like a bat out of hell.
He twisted his head a full 180 degrees as he called out my name, my entire body trembling with fear if he found me. Then he dropped down over Rob as my friend wheezed and tried desperately to fight back.
“I’m afraid that we will have to terminate your employment,” Haggarth snarled as he snapped Rob’s neck. I stifled a scream.
My boss froze as he looked around the floor and then began to move the bodies into his office. Over the next hour I heard the sound of a hungry animal devouring their bodies. I couldn’t dare move out of fear that he would find me and finish me off as well.
I sat back and tried to remain awake, the injuries to my own body so severe that I dared to close my eyes for just a few seconds.
In Between consciousness I heard Haggarth give orders to our janitor, and I saw his face in the hallway. He didn’t see me but he seemed to have reverted his regular pudgy self. Except now he seemed full, as if he had just come back from a buffet.
It made me want to vomit, but instead I fell back into unconsciousness.
When I did wake up, I slowly moved out of the hall and tried to search for any clues to the massacre that I had witnessed.
But there was nothing. Not even a scrap of broken glass. I went into his office and double checked. The janitor had scrubbed every nook and cranny. I found myself wanting to vomit for real as I looked toward the parking lot and saw Haggarth pulling away in his Buick.
And then he looked straight up toward his office. Toward me.
I rushed out and found the nearest bathroom, hurling my guts up as I realized everything I had experienced wasn’t some fever dream.
Susan. Rob. Merle. They were all dead.
“Pull yourself together, Ann,” I told my reflection as I tried to think as I pulled my phone out.
Would the cops even believe me? Or would they lock me away in the asylum?
I didn’t know. Instead I washed up my face and left the office, trying my best to remain calm as I passed by coworkers to the parking lot.
I convinced myself to file a missing persons report, and then filed an email announcing my two weeks notice.
I told myself I would never step foot in the building again but the next day, I got an email from another supervisor, telling me to swing by for my final paycheck.
Just as I pulled into the parking lot I got a call back from the police department, giving me the usual rigmarole about how they couldn’t search for anyone missing until after 48 hours. I was staring up at Haggarth’s office, and I told the officer thank you as I saw my boss looking out toward the parking lot. Then I slammed my phone down and marched inside.
Get in, get out.
Get in, get out.
Those words rang in my head as I reached the proper floor and rushed to the HR office.
I kept looking over my shoulder, thinking Haggarth would appear and slice my throat open.
“You okay?” the HR lady asked, noticing I was sweating.
“Sorry. Just this summer heat,” I said as I grabbed the paycheck and started toward the elevator.
Get in, get out. Get out.
Get out.
The elevator door slid open and I felt the color leave my face as I saw Haggarth standing there along with a young intern.
“Ann, what a pleasant surprise,” my boss said, flashing me a leary smile.
Nervously I stepped into the elevator and pressed for the ground floor.
As we rode down, I could feel his wretched breath against my neck. I was trying to not cry. “I heard you were leaving the company, Ann. Is everything all right?” He asked.
“Just got a better job offer,” I think I said.
“Hmm. Well, seems like we are losing more and more employees. I hope it ain’t a sign,” he said with a queasy laugh.
Then the intern stepped out of the elevator on the next floor and we were alone. I could feel the air suddenly grow colder.
“Please…” I begged as the door closed. “Please don’t hurt me.”
His hand rested on my shoulder and a tear dropped from my cheek.
“I think we both know how this is going to end,” Haggarth whispered.
I could feel his teeth about to pierce into my neck as I closed my eyes and prepared for the inevitable.
Then the elevator door opened and he instinctively stood back.
I pushed out of the office as quickly as I could and raced to my car.
That was last week and I haven’t been able to sleep a wink since.
The police did finally open up a missing persons case about Susan, Merle and Rob, thanks to calls from family members. Not that they will find anything.
The only proof I have of any of it is the nightmares. And the fear that this old shitbag is still out there, and he knows I know his secret.
I think it’s time to invest in some silver and wooden stakes.