God, where do I start? There are no gods? It doesn’t matter, just know nothing you pray to can fix this. I don’t have the time for my life story, so I’ll summarize. I was born in the winter of 1756 and I’ll turn 267 this year, I think?? It doesn’t matter. I’ve laid low my whole life, I don’t eat unwilling people, and when they run low I just use animals. Please, I beg for forgiveness. I’ll just uhm, start now.
Summer of 1782
I was 26 and dumb. I hate telling this part and I beg of you all not to dwell on this part. I, ahh..I was..run over by a carriage, horse drawn. I was drunk, but the whole of it is unimportant. What matters is the following events.
I was taken to a hospital that I only found out then was run by vampires. I feel the rage of my whole existence, all of who I am, burn brightly when I recall what transpired. The main doctor at the time decided me to be a fitting toy and turned me into a heathen. A vampire, that’s what I became. If you need an explanation, vampires have been around almost as long as humans. From my understanding, vampires either take highly public roles or live as normal humans. They’re everywhere; they cover for each other and that’s why they’re hard to find.
Now, what you have to understand is that heart and soul are different. Heart is a relatively bad food or an artery. Soul is what you are—who you are—and it’s the source of any emotional feelings you may have. Whereas the brain is the logical half, which you should know. Why I say this now is that..vampires have souls. Corrupted, confused, disgusting..but there. I followed my soul, and not my brain.
The doctor was Atticus, Atticus..I don’t recall. It shifted so often, which was the fault of his old age. There were no ‘last names’ in the age he was born. God..he was alive for a torturous amount of years. I can’t even begin to fathom it, because I knew even then it weighed down his soul. He was ‘heartless’, cold..but one of the most beautiful creatures God had on this planet. I will never forget that man. He looked to be in his early 30s, hair like the finest silks in a raven blue that coveted the depths of the ocean, a face with no blemishes even on his worst days in a wintery, snowy white.
That was the man I fell in love with. Maybe some would be disgusted at two men together, but the truth is simply how little it matters once you realize you’re damned to the earth. I thought there was a sliver of a man inside him. Which is why I’m disgusted at myself, for falling in love with a monster among monsters. A snake that wants nothing but to see its own poisoned.
I’m getting ahead of myself, so I’ll wrap this chapter of my life up in all my frantic thoughts with how it went. I learned to stop being human with Atticus by my side. He taught me how to be what I really am, even if I resisted it. He would sit by me before we went our separate ways to sleep at night, and he would talk to me. Serene, like a calm breeze on a cool summer’s day. That went on until the next major accident.