It’s late here and I can’t sleep. I’m too terrified to close my eyes and trust the world around me enough to drift off.
Because she’ll be back again. I know she will be. Whether the curtains are drawn or not, she stands outside my window and she seems to appear only when I fall asleep and then remain until the sun comes up.
The first time I saw her, it wasn’t even outside the bedroom window. I was in my car, getting ready to leave for work. It was 3.23 am, my shift started at 4 and the bread doesn’t bake itself. I live out in the sticks so there’s never any pedestrians or traffic on my road that early, so imagine how my heart dropped into my gut the moment I looked into my rearview mirror and spotted a woman’s torso framed by my rear window.
I had been idling, allowing the car to heat up before I started my commute and there she was, illuminated red by my brake lights looking washed out and peculiar. She was wearing a tattered, knitted sweater and had scraggly brown hair down to her shoulders, but I couldn’t see her head or legs. She moved slowly around to the passenger side of the car - I could hear her footsteps on the gravel of my driveway.
Thank goodness the doors were locked, even though she didn’t try the handle. She just stood there facing the car and I could still only see her torso. She started to move towards the front of my car and I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t want to see her face, so I slammed the car in reverse and sped off.
The further away I got, the calmer I felt and the sillier I seemed. Maybe she just needed help? But if she had been someone in need of help, wouldn’t she have said something the moment she saw me in my car? Like tried to get my attention, not just slowly walk around my car, staring at… Me? Over my car? Whoever she was, it didn’t matter because I had work to do and life moves on - even after encounters with weirdos.
I probably should have called the police, but I’ll be honest and admit it didn’t even occur to me. By the time I hit the main road to work, of nearly forgotten all about her. People are weird, especially in my town. She was just a drunk lady peering around cars probably looking for someplace to pee off the road.
But then I saw her again. And again. And again.
My bedroom has a huge bay window right next to my bed. I have an excellent view of the mountains in the distance (and of the night sky, ever watched a meteor shower from bed? It’s awesome) as well as a direct view of the road about 40 feet away.
I had fallen asleep early one night about a week after seeing her outside my car for the first time and I had left the curtains open to the dying evening light. It’s nice to watch the shadows of tree branches shift across the ceiling as I doze off. It isn’t out of the ordinary for me to fall asleep this way; nor is it strange for me to wake up in the middle the night to go to the bathroom or grab some water.
So as you may well have guessed, this night was one such as many others. I woke up to attend to my needs, rolled over, and there she was. About 4 feet away and staring down at me through the window.
It gets dark in the countryside, my friends. There are some nights when you walk outside and you hold your hand in front of your face and you can’t see it. This was one such night. I could tell she was wearing the same sweater as last time, and I still could not see her face since it was angled downward and obscured by the darkness and her hair. The height of the window cut her off at the hips and again, she just appeared to be this disembodied torso. I could tell she had legs; there was a shadowy hint of them anyway.
I don’t know why she keeps coming back. But she only waits to come when I’m asleep. She doesn’t move. I lost my job because I couldn’t make myself go outside while she was there. She comes back every night. Sometimes I try to stay awake and see where she goes. If she goes. But I usually fall asleep and when I wake up, the sun is coming up and she’s gone. One time, I nearly stayed up all night staring back at her from bed, unmoving as her, but I looked away for one moment she then she was just gone. I’ve tried sleep with the curtains closed, but it’s like it doesn’t even make a difference. I’ve checked and she’s still standing there, staring at me as though the curtains aren’t even there.
I still haven’t seen her face. It’s been weeks and I still don’t know what she looks like. Somehow, her whole face is always best shadowy blackness.
Can I make it stop without staying awake all night? I worry she will find other ways to creep in, even during the day. She already creeps into my mind during my waking hours. Standing stock still in my mind’s eye, peering at me. What if she’s always peering at me, even in the day time, and I just can’t see her?
I just want to sleep.