It was raining, the air damp.
I listen to the water hit the tin roof above me, lost in thought.
A blast of cool breeze grazed me, brings me back to reality.
I wrap the blanket tighter against my body, sip slowly on the mug of tea I hold.
There’s a man standing in the doorway, letting in the cold air.
I want to ask him to close the door.
I want to ask him a lot of things, but instead I’m silent.
We eyed each other warily and after a moment, he steps inside and closes the door softly behind him.
“I’m detective Rollings. Here to take your statement about the break in. They’ve made you comfortable?”
He means the mug of tea and the dressing gown that a nice officer had gone back inside to grab.
I wanted to tell the detective that nothing will ever make me comfortable again.
Comfort seemed like a foreign concept, something intalengaible, impossible to grasp.
Instead, I half nod, and focus on my hands cradling the mug infront of me.
I don’t want to be here, I don’t want this to be real.
“I know it’s been a long night, but I need to ask you some questions.” his concern and sorrow seemed genuine, and I realized I felt sorry for this man.
For what he’s had to hear, for what he’s had to bear witness to.
I wonder whether he will need some kind of intense therapy after all of this?
Or perhaps it will be too much, and he will end up retiring early.
I nod, what other choice have I got?
He asked me to tell him from the start, so I do.
“It was dark, and I was late.
I had finally finished up with work in a meeting that was running over time, and then when I was leaving the office, I went to get on my bicycle and noticed I had a flat tire.
So I had to push it the 8 kilometers home.
By the time I was half way down the street and saw my house, I knew something was wrong.” my voice broke at the memory, and when my eyes were closed, it’s as if I’m back in that moment.
I was sweaty and tired, out of breath.
I round the last corner to my street and up ahead I can see my house, the lights lit up and smoke billowing through the chimney.
“It’s okay if you need to take a minute..” the detetcitve murmurs. “I can go get a coffee and -“
“No!” I mean to say it firmly but it comes out terrified and desperate. “Please. I’d just rather get this over with.
I noticed the lights on. There was smoke coming from the chimney. It didn’t make sense, I could recall vividly that I’d stupidly run out of wood so there was no chance of lighting the fire, even though it was freezing out. And I remembered turning off the lights this morning as I left for work. It was a habit.”
The detective was writing furiously, his eyes downcast as his pen trances across the notepads paper.
“And when you made it to the front door?”
“It was the strangest thing. The front door was unlocked, but I’d half expected that given someone had obviously broken in and got the fire going.. The odd thing, was whoever had broken in, was just sitting on the couch, watching the evening news as if nothing was wrong. There was even something bubbling away on the stove, they’d actually prepared an evening meal, in my home. I couldn’t belive it.”
“Let me just stop you there, Natalie. You suspected someone had broken in, but you didn’t think to phone the police? You just go on in yourself, without even contemplating giving us a call?”
I knew this question would be coming, and I had no answers that would satisfy him.
It didn’t make sense to me either.
I’d never considered calling the police to report the break in.
I tell him this and he states at me disbelievingly for a moment too long.
I felt my face flush and I gave a shrug as if to say ‘I don’t know’.
“And when you confronted these people?”
I sip the tea that’s long gone cold. “Yes. It was a man and woman, both well into their 60s id say.. When I confronted them.. They claimed to have no idea what I was talking about. Apparently they lived there.. So they seemed to think. They accused me of being the one to break into their home! Can you believe it? I mean, they were old, but they weren’t exactly over the hill if you know what I mean.” I shook my head, feeling those same overwhelming feelings of confusion and indignation rising in my chest. “The audacity. So I pulled my wallet out, showed the man my license, which clearly stated that I lived at this particular address. They were shocked, or they acted like it, at least.
I was confused and upset, and I felt light headed all of a sudden so I pushed past where they were standing in the hall to go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. When I got to the kitchen, I downed the glass in a moment, then my eyes drifted over to the pot on the stove.
I’d never smelled anything like it, since my mother had passed. Rich and hearty, it was obviously some sort of savory dish, but it had other scents of sweetness as well.
I dont know what happened, but my dizziness came back, and while I tried to lean against the fridge for support, everything went black.
When I woke, the old man and lady were at the kitchen table.
They looked up at me, laying on the couch, from where they were siting. They were smiling.
“You’re awake!” they sounded overjoyed, both of them beaming, their smiles so wide. “Now you’re up, let’s settle into dinner. It’s my stew, your favorite, Natalie.”
I felt sick wondering how they knew my name, but then I recalled showing them my license to prove I lived here, so of course they knew my name from that. I told myself to stay calm. But it was easier said than done.”
Detective Rollings had stopped writing, and he looked at me with eyes of compassion.
“You did great. No one knows how they’re going to react under severe pressure like that. If you’re comfortable to keep going..”
“I told them to get out of my house, right now. I wasn’t going to eat their stew, and it certainly wasn’t my favorite, I didn’t know this woman from a bar of soap, I had never seen her, or ate her damn stew, in my whole life. And.. And then..” my eyes well up, tears hot and angry. I didn’t want to cry, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
“The man.. He started laughing. This big belly laugh.. I couldn’t belive it..” my voice is all but a whisper now, as my mind wandered again over what happened. “He said he thought I was hilarious, pretending to not know them.. he said it had been funny initially, but that was enough now.. it wasn’t nice or funny to speak to my mother that way about her lovely strew.
I lost it then, demanded they get out right now or I would call the police. I honestly don’t know why I hadn’t earlier, it was like I just never thought about it.
I told them they were not my parents, my parents had been dead for over 10 years and I had no idea who the hell they were, only that they were trespassing on property that was not theirs.
The man looked distressed now, red faced and angry. The woman didn’t meet my stare, instead she stared down at the table, mindlessly stirring the stew in the bowl.
“Natalie. It’s mum and dad. Here, if you don’t believe me..”
He chucked something in my direction and I picked it up with trembling hands. It was a license. Karl (redacted), 349 (redacted) road, (redacted), Tasmania 7661
His surname, and address, was the same as mine.
I put the license down again, wishing I hadn’t picked it up to begin with. It couldn’t be.
How had he done that? I’d only been passed out an hour at
most.. It took weeks to receive a license in the post.. Nothing made sense.
I knew before something was not quite right, but now I knew something was desperately wrong. I was still on the couch as this stage, wondering how I could get past them and to the front door as effortlessly and as safely as possible.
It was as if.. As if they knew what I would do. The man who called himself my father, muttered something to the woman who called himself my mother.
She raised her eyes to meet mine, and that large and unnatural smile appeared once again.
“It’s mummy, sweetheart. Surely you remember your mummy, Natty moo?”
The nickname my mother called me when I was just a little girl. Hearing it made my heart beat that much faster. I thought I may pass out again.
My father’s smile came next, as he spoke of the fish we would go and catch from the stream outside. “Surely you remember catching our fish on the creek, Nato?” Dad’s nickname for me struck a cord and brought a stale tear to my eye.
I’d longed to hear that, to be called that for weeks and weeks after their deaths.
I stared at these people, who know the words to say, they didn’t look like my parents, although at once I noticed the man was wearing dark jeans and a knitted sweater, the same style clothing my dad used to favor.
The woman had a long dress, an apron wrapped tightly around her waist. She wore her hair in the same style of perm mum used to get done. The same string of dainty pearls around her neck.
I felt sick. They were almost not quite right version’s of my parents, they could’ve been, from a distance but when you got close, you just knew something wasn’t right.
“I don’t know how.. Or why.. You’re doing this.. But please, I need you to leave. My parents have been dead for a long time, no matter what you think you are, you’re not my family.”
Detective Rollings had not picked up his pen again, he just stared at me, his mouth agape.
I felt embarrassed, self conscious. I wanted it to be over.
“And they just left.. After all of that.. Madness, they just walked out the door?” he sputtered out, barely containing his own fear.
“They seemed to speak amongst themselves for a few moments. The woman stood there with tears in her eyes, a disappointed expression on her face. She looked tired.
And then the man, he stepped forward and I scrambled back against the wall, trying to keep my distance. I think I’d realised that they weren’t.. Weren’t human, by that stage.
He told me to not be afraid, he had something to show me.
I didn’t trust him, and I didn’t want him touching me, the thought terrified me. But it was as if I wasn’t quite in control or my body, either. I got the light headed feeling, but I didn’t pass out this time.
He stood over me, placed his hands on my chest.. I wanted to push him away, but I had no strength, it was like I was totally physically incapable of moving even though I was not restrained in any way.
And then I saw it..
It was wonderful.
My mum, my dad and I, all eating dinner, all sharing stories and smiles and laughter. There was so much laughter.
I saw us all on the plane, going away on a tropical holiday as my parents celebrated my fathers retirement.
I saw us at my wedding, my mother perched on the front pew, watching with love in her eyes as dad walked me down the aisle, where a dark haired man was waiting.
They were memories, but they weren’t mine, they had never happened. At least, not in this world.
My dad and mum had died in a car crash, just weeks before they were due to go overseas for the very first time, to celebrate my dad’s retirement from the mechanics.
When he took his hand away, I was sobbing. A pain worse than that initial phone call telling me off their loss.
They had been back, alive and living in my mind, and now they were gone again, pulled from my grip without a say, just like before.
“Why?” I asked him, but he could only smile sadly while he pondered my question.
Afer a while, he crouched down so he was facing me, his expression gentle and kind, so like the father I once had.
“Not to hurt. Never to hurt. We want to help. We can become them, in a way they can live these memories they missed out on. You, can have these memories too, memories with them.”
I shake my head.
I want to, I want to so, so badly, but I can’t. It’s not them. And it never will be.
“And they just left, just walked out?” The detective seemed close to tears himself, he was visibly shaking.
“They never just walked out.” I shrugged, not sure how to explain what had happened. “it’s the truth.. No, they didn’t walk out, they changed into.. Something else, and then they just.. Disappeared.”
I can see them in my mind, as they shifted from lookalike versions of my mother and father.. Their smiles much too wide as they stretched and slithered, cganging before my eyes.. Into something.. that resembled things, that were.. non human.
Skin that was soft, dull Grey and sallow, eyes just blinking black holes in skulls.
“I wanted to scream but nothing would come out. They spoke softy to me in a launge I didn’t know, but somehow I understood what they were saying.
If they could not help me, it was time for them to go, to find another memory to replace..to become. They wished me well.” my voice was shaking as I spoke, tears rolled down my own cheeks, reliving this strange and eerie experience.
It still felt like it could of all been just a terrible dream, but reality proved otherwise.
The man who had been sitting in the shadows stood.
His presence had spooked Detective Rollings who practically jumped out of his seat when he saw him approaching us.
“Who, who are you?” the words stumbled out of the detectives lips, confused and unsure. He was agitated, on edge after hearing my story, and the sight of this unknown man, who was wearing a suit and had appeared out of nowhere, had him standing up and drawing his weapon.
“Enough.” the man in the suit sighed, clearly irritated at the detectives apparent nervousness. “Detective, I’m someone you won’t ever have the pleasure, or as some may say, but never to my face - displeasure, of ever knowing. My team and I are here to assist Natalie. All we need from you, is to write your report saying there was a simple break and enter. That’s it. None of this other.. Jargon, needs to be mentioned. You understand what I’m saying, I take it?”
It was my turn to cast my eyes down, to avoid the detectives accusing glare I could feel burning onto me.
“Why?” he whispered, to me or to the man in the suit, I wasn’t sure, but I answered anyway.
My guilt was immeasurable, but it also felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
“I’m sorry. We needed someone to write the report. My neighbors heard my screaming and Called you.. It was too late once you were here.” I murmured, still unable to meet his stare. “but you don’t have to be scared.. He.. He told me that there’s an easy way to forget it all, just a simple pill to take.. He promised me he would be able to help you forget, too.” hearing my own voice, I sound nearly crazy, I sounded much too hopeful, but it a brittle and dangerous way.
“It’s true, what Natalie says.” suit man confirmed, straightening his tie. “Now, if we’re all good here, I’ve got other important matters that need attending too. Do what Natalie says, detective, write your report now and when you wake up tomorrow, this will all be nothing but a moment in time, forgotten and never to be remembered.”
He gathered his briefcase, started walking towards the door, without so much as a glance backwards.
He was almost out of sight, when detective Rollings spoke again.
“What makes you so confident that we want to forget? I’m a detective. It’s not in my job description to let things go, especially not something like this!”
Suit man had stopped in his tracks, his back still facing us as he spoke. “It’s not important to me if you take the pill or not. I don’t care if you forget, it’s for your benefit, if that’s what you consider forgetting this is, not mine.”
And then he was gone.
I don’t know what happened to detective Rollings.
I called the station a few weeks ago, to check in on the break and enter case on my house.
As I had suspected, they confirmed to me on the phone, that detective Rollings no longer worked at the station.
They also told me their had been no leads whatsoever on my case, and unfortunately it didn’t look like they’d be getting anywhere with finding the perps without any further evidence.
I thanked them and placed the phone back in the cradle.
I glanced to the glass jewelry box that sat locked, on my office desk. It was empty of any jewelry, empty of anything really, bar 2 individual little green pills.
I stood, and walked over to the other side of the room, to stand and look out the window into my back yard.
It was a beautiful day.
Outside, my mum was watering her flower beds, with the adorable hand held watering can id gotten her for Mother’s day.
It was whimsy, with ‘if mums were flowers, I’d pick you’ written on the side.
I waved at her from where I stood, and she waved back, a smile plastered on her face.
It wasn’t quite right, but it was much better than before. In fact, I think to myself, in a few weeks, mums smile will be back to that perfect one I remember shining down on me, when I was a child.
I then glanced towards the bbq area, where my dad stood, grilling steaks for a late summers lunch. He had on his straw hat, and the apron that stated ‘Best Griller in town’.
He saw me watching and gave me a smile, his not perfect either, but getting close. I smiled back and he waving at me to come down and join them.
I do.
The man in the suit comes every now and then. He asks us questions, writes down answers. We don’t know what he’s writing, or why he’s doing it, we don’t ask.
I think he works for the government, maybe the FBI.
He tells us there’s others that are like my parents.
He calls them conscience keepers.
They created them, and now they’re seeing how well they really work, out in the real world.
I guess we’re like live, living experiments but I can’t seem to bring myself to care about what that might mean.
Things are good.
I’ve got my parents back, even if they’re not technically my parents.. They know all the memories from my childhood, they can recite them better than I can.
I don’t know what has become of Detective Rollings, and I can’t spend too much time caring, either.
I wish he took the pill that night for his own sanity, he couldn’t handle it, what he heard. I guess he just wasn’t ready.
We all make our own choices.
As for me, I’m happy, reliving my memories and making brand new ones with my parents again.
So if you ever hear of these consciousness keepers, or are lucky enough to get your own.. please don’t be afraid.
They are here to help, never to hurt.