Before you ask, our manager gave me your phone number and I highly encourage you to calmly read this and don’t answer back before you have memorized or took notes of what I’m about to say. Let’s start from the easy part: you probably are still confused as of why the job of “stock quality assurance operator” pays this much, in this remote part of the country, especially since you were told that it was necessary to read a pamphlet every day, check that everything on the pamphlet was on the shelves of the shop, serving the occasional customer if I’m busy and that was it. Well, there are rules that the manager won’t tell you, stuff that you need to know to survive; if you manage to do it there are no other tricks and you can enjoy the handsome pay that you were promised, but, before I start with the list, I must tell you that you are still in the “safe-zone”: they probably don’t know who you are or where are you, so you can safely write to the manager, quit your job (in a polite way) and you won’t need to do anything else to survive. If you decide otherwise, then please read carefully.
1) You must show up to work at exactly 9:15 AM. Once you work here for a couple of days, they will do anything to prevent you to reach work in time. You will be forgiven for a one-time late entry once a year, but the second time you will be immediately fired. If that happens, I’m sorry. I hope you will be capable of killing yourself before they reach you. (tip: there is nothing stopping you from coming to work hours before 9:15, especially if you know they will be trying to stop you with fake calls, car crashes and so on; don’t worry about anything else and focus on getting to work in time)
2) once you arrive, if you have a car, check if the parking lot as at least 3 other cars in it. If yes, then you may freely park inside, possibly near the other cars. If not, refer to rule 2.1
2.1) Every once in a while the parking lot will be basically empty. Keep in mind the time and try your best to find a nearby spot (they will still try to delay you as much as they can). If you really can’t find anything within running distance from the shop, then you have to leave it your car in the road. You will get fined, but don’t worry: it will be there when you truly need it to escape. And work pay very easily covers whatever fine they will give you. (Tip: they will never come with notes attached. Disregard any notes, even the most professional ones that ask you to immediately go somewhere or to go in a place at a specified time in the next couple of days)
3) Once you get inside, you will probably see me at the cashier’s desk. Sadly there are cameras and they want us to act professionally, so even if I wanted, I couldn’t explain you everything during work. Your job starts immediately: feel free to take your time to go in the back and leave your belongings, but once you come out you will need to focus. Your job is easy: our place is a “everything-shop”, kinda like those near gas station, but here we truly sell everything. You won’t see everything on the shelves, but if you search for it, you will find it, although it may take a while and some effort. The pamphlet has discount items that you need to find before the end of the shift at 6 PM. You won’t be forgiven if you can’t find them all and check that the price tag is correct. When you do find an item that is incorrect, scream it. They will know, but that’s also the only way to contact the manager. (Tip: you may don’t want to search specifically for the items in the pamphlet, especially if it’s taking too much time; i suggest yo search for similar things, to make it easier for your thing to appear in the same spot when you keep searching; for example, you may want to search canned tuna if your target is fresh fish).
4) Sometimes I will be busy with a client and another one may enter. This usually doesn’t happen, but you should immediately be aware and immediately go to assist them: just like failing your work task, a single complaint from a client will result in your termination. The client may be looking like a member of your family or a friend, but NEVER treat them anything else than professionally. Refer to the following rules.
4.1) If the client asks for food, do ask them if they need it hot, cold, cooked or raw and if they have any special requests. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what a “Tourdasian Salmon” is, you will very easily find it in the shop, but keep in mind all the conditions that the client has set.
4.2) The client may ask for help. If it’s something that you alone may accomplish, do it. Don’t worry if it is stuff like killing me or following the client to his house for sexual purposes: even if you stay with them for a decade, time here won’t pass and you will get bonus pay at the end of the day. Try to not disappoint the client: the harder the request, the easier it will be for you to just say “I will have to ask the manager, I’m sorry”; the client will usually change their request to an easier one, cause not even them want to deal with the manager. You may ask for my help of you see that in the meantime I’ve finished with the other client.
5) try your best to finish work early. It may not be possible, but some very lucky days we won’t see any clients come in after 3 PM and we may be free to leave after an hour, provided you finished your task. The manager will let us know through the PA system. Feel free to run: time is essential here and don’t you even think of following me unless you want both of us to die. Get in your car and get home before 6 PM.
6) If we aren’t lucky, at 5 PM things get messy. Read even more carefully now. 3 individuals will enter the shop: their looks don’t matter and they will change a lot, but please refrain from screaming. They will ask you for highly dangerous stuff, like weapons and/or radioactive materials: the “I will need the manager” thing doesn’t work here cause they work for a different manager and will just hurt you if you refuse; you may try to get me to help, but I will be honest, after one year of this job, I will never trust you with my safety. So I will refuse.
7) After you collected everything, they will go outside. Normal clients disappear once outside, but they don’t. They will try to do everything to make you get out: usually they start by hitting or firing onto the parked cars; they get tired easily, so if there are a lot of cars don’t worry, yours will probably not get hit as they can’t even remember what kind of car you drive.
7.1) they might try, if you gave them stuff like plutonium or other materials, to make a rudimentary explosive device and target the nearby people or houses. Do not even think of stopping them: they signed their fate when they ignored the manager warnings.
7.2) If you have worked here for at least a month they will be better at remembering. They might even go and kidnap your family members or friends. If they truly do and it’s not an illusion, you may know because they kill them. If they just hurt them, you can rest assured they are not real.
8) After all of this, they might leave or stay in the parking lot. When the shift is over, check the area around the shop before exiting: if they are there, prepare to run. If not, get in the car and drive away fast; avoid using the same road, even if it’s the only one available, cause you don’t want them to remember you easily.
8.1) If they are in the lot and you need to run, forget about your car unless it’s very close to the shop. Reach the nearest house and scream, knock, break the windows: do anything in your power to get inside. If you see them still chasing, go to another floor, close all the curtains, doors and everything you can between you and them. Hopefully, remembering how to do so many things will confuse or slow them enough. If you still hear them in the house, then I’m sorry. I hope they will have mercy, but they usually don’t.
So, here they are. See you tomorrow?