So, to preface this, I don’t typically use Reddit and the only reason I created an account was to be able to read threads when googling certain questions or topics. That said, I’m not sure where else to turn to about my situation (family/friends have been dismissive or not taking me seriously) and I have seemingly run out of time:
I have always been an intense dreamer, ever since around the age of twelve. I can’t control them, but I can remember them in vivid detail and am able to jot down pages of information about them in my dream journal. The dreams themselves have ranged from terrifying nightmares to beautiful sceneries of places I have never seen in person, but mostly it’s just weird and random events.
Despite my constant years of dreaming, I have only once had a situation in which it was recurrent. It was a nightmare about a young woman in a robin-egg blue dress, tattered and speckled with spots of blood. It started around the end of my senior year of college. I would be having a nonchalant dream when suddenly I would get an unnerving feeling that I was being watched by someone. An evil presence would fill the air and it would not be long before I would scan my surroundings and spot her bright red hair, done up like she was heading to some sort of prom-like event. She often would be standing amongst a crowd of faceless strangers or crouched behind an object nearby, usually a green dumpster for whatever reason.
Every single time our eyes meet, her once beautiful face distorts to a look of almost pure hatred and blood starts trickling out of her eyes and spilling down her mouth. Before I can react, she then takes off in a full sprint at me, like a predator hunting down its prey. I would desperately try to wake myself up by screaming and floundering about like a fish out of water. It was a surreal situation, where I could open my eyes and see my concerned roommate hovering over me desperately attempting to wake me up. My brain is telling me that I am yelling and thrashing, but I am as still as can be. And then when I’d close my eyes, I’d be right back in my dream again.
It would take countless attempts of being shaken awake, or when I am alone, basically screaming and forcing my body to move (I eventually wake up in a panic, screaming and unable to catch my breath). These episodes continued on about every week for 3 months. After numerous doctor visits, therapist sessions, and some sleep studies, I was officialy diagnosed with sleep paralysis.
Since there is no official cure, I followed all their advice and interventions, and it did slow down the frequency. However, it wasn’t until after I graduated from college and moved out of my dorm room that the nightmares about the woman in the blue dress stopped entirely. She never did catch me. Now, for the last ten years I have been seemingly nightmare-free, albeit a few here and there sprinkled in over the decade. This past week, however, has been a different story.
It all started last Saturday. I was having a dream about a strange coffeeshop and waiting for a date to arrive. As I sat nervously perched in a booth, a woman with bright red hair walked in. My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. It was the woman in the blue dress. Her neck craned about, almost in a panic, and I knew she was looking for me. But once our eyes locked something strange happened. Her face didn’t distort. Blood wasn’t leaking from any orifice. She gracefully glided to the booth and sat down in front of me. Her dress was not torn nor sprayed with blood, and she smelled of lilacs. Her emerald-green eyes radiated from the glow of the neon sign hanging off the wall. She offered a half smile and held out her manicured hands. I was hesitant to touch her. But something in deep the back of my mind was telling me it was ok.
As soon as our fingers interlocked, she squeezed them tightly and began to chant “Wake up, wake up, wake up” over and over and over again. Her voice was breaking almost in a desperate plea and got louder and louder with each syllable. Something was wrong and it wasn’t until then that I felt like I was in danger.
Suffering from sleep paralysis for years, I knew how to wake me up. It’s a process of being able to convince your mind, usually with fear, to open your eyes from your dream and though you can’t move, you can take in your surroundings. With every ounce of energy, I was able to open my eyes.
It took a second to adjust to my new surroundings. My eyes darted left. Record covers of my favorite bands were plastered on the wall. I glanced to the right and saw my tv stand, bookshelves, and work desk, littered with empty Chinese boxes from dinner earlier. I was in my apartment. Though I couldn’t move, a wave of relief cascaded my body. Then I heard a faint noise.
A slow, familiar squeeze broke the silence as the hinges of my door whispered to me that I was not alone. I closed my eyes and was transported back to the coffeeshop. The lady in the blue dress looked bewildered, crying actual tears and begging me to wake up. I started thrashing and screaming at the top of lungs at myself and my brain to move, wake up, anything! Suddenly I was back in my apartment and could see a lone figure standing in the doorway. I could not make out any clear features in the darkened room, but it appeared to be a man. I mustered with all my strength and was finally able to force myself awake.
I quickly fumbled over to my lamp and turned it on. The figure was gone, but my door was open (I always sleep with doors closed, whether it’s a closet, bedroom, bathroom, etc). I wiped the sweat and tears out of my eyes and though I am not much of a spirtual man, I prayed for an hour straight and was too shaken up to sleep.
It had never been that hard to wake up AND I have never once hallucinated my surroundings during my sleep paralysis. Eventually, my nerves settled down and I thought maybe it was just a one-time occurrence and that my mind had just played tricks on me. I mean, I have been pretty stressed out with work lately, my sister is getting married soon in NYC and I’ll have to embark on a19ish hour road trip there because I refuse to fly (severe phobia), and my ex-girlfriend of two years left me about three weeks ago. So, it’s been a lot honestly.
However, the next few nights, the same thing has happened. The coffeehouse, the blue-dress lady, the chanting, the man at my doorway. Only he’s getting closer to me each time. I’ve tried locking my door, sleeping on the couch, and even crashed at a friend’s. When I wake up and see him, he is picking up right where he left off - distance wise to me. His long arms jerk in random swift movements while his walk to me is slow yet steady. He doesn’t talk, but his head moves side to side so quickly and with so much force, I can hear the vertebrae in his neck breaking with every shake and his face is a blur.
Two nights ago, when I had slept at my friend’s house, the shadow man was about 3 feet away from me. Last night I was intent on pulling an all nighter, stocking up with energy drinks and playing videogames. However, I must’ve reached a breaking point of pure exhaustion and dozed off. This time, no coffeeshop. No woman. I was in my apartment, slumped on my sofa. I glanced up and his face, now still, was almost touching mine. I could feel the heat of his rapid breaths on my cheeks. My mind went into overdrive, not computing what my eyes were seeing. I knew who the shadow figure was. It was me. Only my eyes were dark and bleeding, my blue suit covered in blood, and I had this distorted, non-human look of disgust on my face.
My heart practically leapt out of my chest, as my start to today began by falling out of my couch and slamming my head onto the corner of my coffee table. I took the day off, but I feel like it was a mistake because all I can think about is not falling asleep. My doctor thinks I am suffering from a nervous breakdown, my sister is worrying more about me than her finalizing last minute wedding details, and my parents think I need to talk to their pastor, and I just don’t know what to do. Every time I close my eyes, I see my distorted face or hear the sound of my neck breaking and I just know that deep down, something bad is going to happen the next time I fall asleep. Also, I don’t know if it is just my mind playing tricks on me, but I swear I have been smelling the faint smell of lilacs. If I do somehow dream about the coffeeshop first, I don’t know if I should trust the lady in the blue dress or not. I feel like she is trying to help me, despite the escalation of my dreams, but I just don’t know. Any insight into this issue is much appreciated. Not planning on falling asleep anytime soon but I know it’s only a matter of time…