I hate this town. This place of red dirt and endless dust, actual tumbleweeds rolling down the main drag and little more than gossip and facades. I hate what it is and I hate what it was meant to be.
“A fresh start babe. We can leave it all behind and go be someone new, new people, we can fix this but you gotta give it a shot.”
As if I was the one who had put us in this situation. Definitely wasn’t his gambling, drinking, or endless abuse. But, ever the dutiful wife in my doormat mothers image, I agreed to “try again.” In his defence I guess, the most recent bruises were faded to almost nothing. First time in a long time for that. So I guess he was ”trying”.
And so we set off to the Middle Of Fuckin Nowhere, USA. Bought a ramshackle fixer-upper with “good bones” apparently. I’ll give him this, the house is beautiful, if not a little too big for us and in dire need of updating. But the price was just a little too good to ignore and this was more than I expected to get out of my last dregs of savings that he hadn’t managed to piss into a slot machine.
He was working remote so we set up his office first, made a list of ideas for fixing the house up, then I set out to try to find some kinda work in the town. At first, it seemed like a nice place, albeit a little lifeless. The corner store next to the diner was nicely decorated, the grocery across the road had all you could need at marked up prices, and the “variety” store held some lovely looking antiques and other bric-a-brac. The street next to the Main had the small school house, a dozen houses in varying states of repair and a trailer with a very dated Sheriff’s car out the front.
The only thing that stood out about this town was the church. It was a huge, modern, expensive looking thing. Absolutely did not fit the run down place around it and was almost as if someone had dropped in a building from a whole ‘nother era. I sighed when I first saw it because I knew hubby dearest would be simply delighted to have found a new congregation with such fancy digs. The damn fool has never figured out I don’t believe and don’t care to try.
In short order I was given a check out position in the grocery, and would work most days for 5 hours or so. Except Sunday. Turns out the whole town shuts down on Sunday. Only the church is open then. Every single person in the town is in those pews at 8am sharp and weirdly a lot of other people too, zero idea of where they come from.
Craig was chompin’ at the bit on the first Sunday, ready to rush out the door to the church for service. Dressed in his Sunday best, I could almost see the strikingly handsome man I’d fallen head over heels for a decade ago. He had spent all of the night before begging me to come, but I ‘had a nasty headache’ and couldn’t make it this time. I think in his heart of hearts he knew I didn’t want to be there, but still wouldn’t admit it to himself. Off he went to sing to the Almighty Above, while I decided to enjoy some peace and free time and go for a little walk to feel out the town while everyone was in the church.
I’d spent an hour roaming when I came across a row of run down, nearly destroyed houses. Back behind the old mechanics sheds. Nature had long started taking back the area and thick vines had grown all over the last remnants of the buildings. I counted what looked like 5 homes, all fallen apart and some with the telltale old char of having been burnt down. I’d have to ask my coworker Daisy what had happened here tomorrow.
I kept walking through them when I found a small tarnished bit of metal sticking out of the ground. Gently wrapping my fingers around it, I pulled to find an old looking rosary had loosened from the dirt. Beautiful ruby beads lined the length, with a silver cross at its end and a ruby stone embedded in the middle of the cross. It shone oddly well for something that seemed to have been buried there for so long.
I placed the rosary in my pocket, and decided to head home. At the least Craig might have some interest in it, but I was curious to see how it would come up after a clean.
And that my friends is where I fucked up. Everything changed because of that damn rosary.
Once I got home, I quickly threw together a lunch for when Craig got home then got to work gently cleaning the rosary to see if I could restore some of its original beauty. I polished it until it gleamed, then once I was happy with it I put it around my neck and waited for Craig to get home.
An hour or two later I hear him bellowing up the steps and my blood ran cold. I know that yell. He’s been drinking.
“Ohhhhhh HONEY DEAREST! I’m hOOOOMEEEEE!”
My stomach absolutely sank. The “loving” voice always preceded the abuse. I knew what was coming. I quickly ran to put his lunch on the table then tried to head upstairs. As I walked past, he grabbed my arm demanding I sit with him. So I sat, quietly, hoping if I didn’t say much he wouldn’t do anything to me.
He carried on, eating his lunch and bellowing about the church and how lovely it was and how I was a lazy bitch for not going. I smiled, nodded, apologised and sat thinking about emailing my lawyer because I was so very ready to end this now. He’d broken every promise. I’m done, I told myself.
“I need to use the bathroom” I said quietly and tried to leave the table. As I stood he must have seen the rosary around my neck, because he demanded to know what “man” had been buying me gifts that pretty. I tried to explain that I found it but he wouldn’t hear it. Next I knew I was on the ground being dragged… And then everything went black.
I woke up disoriented, confused, my head pounding, to find I was in the county hospital some hundred miles away. Daisy was sitting next to my bed and startled when she saw I was awake.
“Oh amber. Oh honey you’re awake! Oh I’m so so sorry!”
I looked down and boy did it hurt to do so, to see my hands were covered in cuts, my arms in bruises. I figured he must have beat me a little worse than usual this time.
“Where is Craig?” I asked, my voice a little raspier than usual. “Oh Amber you don’t remember? Honey, honey he’s dead. You killed him. Don’t worry, the sheriff says it was self defence, no charging you necessary! But at least he can’t hurt you no more!”
Never in my life had I been so confused. I didn’t want the dumb prick dead! I couldn’t remember even defending myself, let alone killing him! What had I done?
“It’s the darnedest thing though Amber. Sheriff says he’s mighty confused because he couldn’t find no murder weapon, and the cause of death seems to be hundreds of tiny wounds. But the only thing found near either of you was this old rosary. And it’s so odd. This looks like the rosary Old Hessie May used to wear. Oh you probably haven’t been told about Hessie May!”
She paused and took a sip of water, I think for dramatic effect more than anything.
“She was the town school teacher you see, lovely lady. Wore that rosary like it was her clothing, you never saw her without it. Honest, god fearin’ lady. Till the day she came home and found her old man in bed with the milk girl. Hessie lost it, burnt down the house with them all in it still. Took out a few other houses with the fire they did! So strange. This really is so similar….”
With that, she handed it to me and stood to take her coat. “Well I gotta get home to my boys. But I’ll be checking in on you. Oh. Honey I’m so sorry!”
I had never, ever defended myself to Craig before. It’s almost as if…. Nah. Nah the rosary didn’t make me do it, right? That couldn’t happen? I stared at it, not sure if I should be afraid of this little chunk of metal. Tucked it into my pocket then decided to try to sleep off some of the pain.
Once I left hospital, I headed home to find Daisy had come and cleaned all the mess. You almost couldn’t tell a disaster had struck. Craig was buried in a little funeral with almost no one in attendance. His life insurance paid out enough to pay for the house, and give me enough to live a quietly comfortable life. I kept my job though, mostly so I didn’t go mad. And the rosary? Has been living in a box on my shelf. I’d almost forgotten about it, until today. See, I got a call about an hour ago. Daisy asking if she and the boys could stay here for a while. Turns out her good-for-nothin’ husband has been cheating and hit her today when she confronted him.
I’m about to go help her leave. And the rosary is around my neck. I think I’m going to start wearing it more often. As I went to walk out the door, I checked my hair in the hall mirror. My eyes flitted down to the little ruby stone of the rosary, glinting a little more than it should naturally. And as I looked back up, I swear I saw a lady standing behind me, smiling with a knowing look in her eyes.
Looks like I found something to believe in after all.